Sales men ignoring me and speaking to my husband

Exactly the same for me. I went to trade in my car for a new one with a male friend. Both of us had purchased there before. I was asking the questions, the salesman listened and then replied looking at my friend. I felt really insignificant. It wouldn't have happened years ago ( for the wrong reason)! When they sent the purchasing details to my address in the name of my friend I was galvanised into action and called them out. They apologised profusely and whenever I went in years later they never forgot that it's not just men who have all the purchasing power!

Oh, this has happened to me recently.

We put our house up for sale and even though I was the one who initiated the sale, who spoke to the estate agents, who emailed them, who suggested alterations to some of the initial photographs of the house and, incidentally, owns half of the bloody house, they still insisted on addressing every email/letter/form in my husband's name - no mention of mine!

We even had the buyer's mortgage lenders ring up wanting to arrange a mortgage valuation and they asked to speak to my husband, not me.

I was fuming! The house sale fell through in the end because we couldn't find anywhere to move to, and we've taken our house off the market with the intention of trying again in the future. I certainly won't be going with that estate agents though.

In my working life, I worked predominantly with men. I get ignored at a salesman's peril.

I’m amazed at how common this seems to be, yet I’ve never experienced it. When I bought my current car, brand new sporty German job beginning with P, the salesman had no problem understanding this was to be my car and I was buying it, and talking to me about it.

It’s happened to me twice whilst making ,to me,large purchases.
I decided we needed a new car and I selected the model,make etc, mainly because I would be using is most for work,shopping etc.
We visited a large showroom and were given a guided tour of the car where the salesman spoke mainly to my DH,he gave my husband the keys for the test drive too, I’m afraid I took them and said you’ll find that this will be my car, I’ve chosen it and I’m paying for it. We don’t have joint accounts the purchase was down to me, the salesman looked bemused.
Another time we thought about having a solid roof put on our existing conservatory (very expensive) and the salesman spoke to my husband at all times, he gave him the price and presumed the financial decision was his.
I politely informed him we’d think it over and that I would get back to him.Needless to say we didn’t opt for his company to carry out the work.

Last time i bought a car the sales person started out talking to my husband till hubby said don't talk to me shes the one buying it. At least he had the good grace to say sorry and look embarrassed.

Having said which, my dd, as a young female medic, often has to deal with patients and their families who discriminate against her, demanding to see a doctor not a nurse or a ‘real’ doctor or wanting confirmation of diagnosis/treatment from a man. She’s learnt to deal with them, though.

Call them (including your husband) out on it. Explain that while they have a nice man-to-man chat, you’ll just go and find someone else to do the work.

And then do just that.

As long as MrJ and I are agreed beforehand on the detail I go on my own for large purchases or am in the house on my own, never a problem.

Yes this happened to me many years ago when I was buying a car. The salesman directed all the discussion towards my Husband who told them talk to my Wife she is the one buying and paying for her own car. It did not work, when we went to pick the car up they had registered it in my Husband's name. We pointed out the error so they then put it into a change of ownership from my Husband to myself! No we said get it right and put my name as the Purchaser. It took a lot of persuasion for them to do the b***din obvious!

I can’t say this is an issue for me. We’ve just sold our house and I’ve done almost all the work for getting it onto the market, negotiating etc, and no one has reverted to my husband at all.

Ditto cars. The sales people probably would prefer to deal with my dh, though, as I drive a hard bargain while he’s more of a pushover.

It happened to me with people erecting an expensive fence I was paying for . The boss man spoke to my son exclusively , and made impertinent remarks to me, although his labourer was respectful and helpful.

I'd have dismissed the boss man except the fence work was efficient.

my mum had this problem some years back when she retired with a large payout, her husband was already retired with a decent pension, she decided to re-do the house, new kitchen, boiler etc, when the person kept looking at her husband she said to him, i am the one with the money....so maybe it's best you talk to me.

Yes I had an bad experience in an Apple store, the salesman directed everything at my husband.

He then said will your wife be using the computer for Facebook etc!
My husband explained that I was the techy one not him and that the new computer was predominately for my business.

We went elsewhere.

Pigma, my friend’s response to the same situation was “Its my car, bought from my income and I won’t be buying it from YOU!” As she walked out.

I will never forget
““Would Sir like to look under the bonnet while Madam checks out the upholstery options?”

Sir wouldn’t, nor would Madam, that was another sale lost!
(As “Sir” always had fully serviced and maintained company cars he didn’t know a dipstick fro an ashtray - apart from the dipstick trying to sell us a car for me this time)

When I worked in a bank ... been working for years ... customer believed a young lad who had not long started working there even though told customer myself !!! When my daughter broke her ankle & was in a wheel chair people used to ignor her, she said I may have a broken ankle but nothing wrong with my brain ... yes annoyed her & me ... may I add not all people the same ... if I talk to people when they have a wheel chair , I always speak to the person in the wheel chair & get them engaged in the conversation aswell, when I took her to the check out in one shop I walked away ... why ? Because they had to speak to her ... my advice ... whether it will work or not ... both get the salesman to engage with you , then your husband walk away ! Come back about 5 /10 minutes later ... hubby can make an excuse or not ... sales person either has to engage with you or maybe possibly loose a sale ...

Newly divorced and revelling in my new-found independence, I went to buy my first brand new car. The salesman gave me a brochure opened to the colour choice, told me to choose a colour and then come back with my husband. Luckily other dealerships were available!

It’s not just men! I once had a female salesperson (double glazing) ignoring me completely and addressing every word to dh.

She wore a see through white blouse showing lacy bra with ample cleavage, and shamelessly batted her heavily mascara-ed eyelashes at him.

We subsequently had an almost identical quote from a bloke, who behaved towards us equally.

When the time came to choose, dh said ‘I think we’ll go with A (see-through blouse.)’.

Me: ‘Because she wore a see through blouse and batted her eyelashes at you? I think not!!!’

We didn’t.
Serve her right! ??

Infuriating!! So disrespectful! I was having this happen regularly. I decided to call it out. I say “If you continue to ignore me we won’t be moving forward with you.”

I honestly speak to them like naughty boys who have been eating with their moths open. Pulls them into line quickly.

Make it clear that I’m as much the decision maker as my husband. If they don’t respond in a respectful manner I tell them that I’m the bread winner (for their information) and that their services are no longer required. I hope that by saying this they treat the next lady a little better.

I can totally agree with you on this one. It was just the same when I was younger and had a cleavage! There attention could be grabbed back then.

Last year we had tradesmen in to do a new bathroom. The bloke in charge never gave me any eye contact and talked just solely to DH. Each morning he said good morning to DH and even asked how he was. I FELT TOTALLY INVISIBLE and it didnt bloody well sit well with me. The tiler guy came along and he did the same so I started to make them some cookies etc. The initial bathroom guy told DH and not me that he was on a diet! Then when it came to show us how to work the heating because we had a new boiler as well, he told DH how it worked and not me. I happened to be at the hairdressers when the instructions were given and I still do not know how the thing works. DH said he would explain it all to me but I would like to have heard it from the bloke himself.

Last tuesday we had a smart meter fitted and similar happened. The bloke avoided me like the plague and when DH came in with the reader for the smart meter I was gobsmacked. DH had been shown how it works while they were both outside. I asked DH why he hadn’t invited the bloke inside and had it explained to both of us. DH did show me how to work it and I have grasped that one but what is it with these people???? I get furious about it because I never felt invisible when I was younger. I truly understand where you are coming from.

I have never had that problem,if anything it`s the other way around,Dh has said more than once that he may as well not have been there.
I WISH lol.
Thinking about it,it didn`t matter if they were male or female.

Sorry to hear that - hope you didn't agree to buy anything from these people. I would be tempted give them a bad review online... many of these decisions are either joint, or often the woman's preference, ultimately!

A friend of mine went into a car showroom and was immediately shown the smallest hatchback they had, without any consultation of what she was looking for - a much bigger car, for long distance journeys!

I refuse to do business with sales people who do that

I have walked out of so many establishments - no shame on it

I had to tell a car sales person to stop calling me "dear" - it was not professional

Can’t say I’ve had this problem with tradesmen or salesmen.