Can teasing be subtle bullying?

When I first visited Scotland, one of the first things I was told was that my voice sounded as if it should be coming out from under a partially open manhole cover.

MawtheMerrier

Nice story but what has it got to do with the topic of the thread?

It contrasts the story from Zoejory.

The people where her daughter worked could have been like the women where my relative worked, but they were not.

If they had been, then Zoejory's daughter would have had a good experience rather than what she got.

Did they try to make out it was her fault?

It's all fine, stardreamer
No need to explain yourself, unless you want to, of course.

I agree MissAdventure, but only when everybody is in on the joke; "in" jokes, where only a couple of people know what the joke is about and one person is left out, knowing that others are finding something funny but not being a part of it, is really cruel and exclusionary.

Urmstongran

Didn’t StarDreamer just mean a smile? Not a simile perhaps.
I am definitely confused dot com.

It was meant to be smile, I miskeyed, but alas did not preview the post, my mistake, sorry.

I love a bit of verbal jousting, joking, near the mark teasing, with someone who also enjoys it, but they are few and far between.

Spoiler alert - look away now.

La Vie en Rose /l’avion rose.
SD told us it before.

Callistemon21

^Like telling the joke about the man who, in Paris, asked the band at a venue to play the song about the pink aeroplane^. [^simile^]

What am I missing here?

No idea, but it doesn't feel very nice.

I think that 'teasing' can be tantamount to bullying. My father used to say some cutting things, and if my sister and I got upset we were told that we couldn't take a joke.

Even now, my mum insists that he wouldn't have said things if he knew they were hurtful, but it's not true. The gaslighting is almost as bad as the comments, as it leaves you unsure about boundaries and when to stick up for yourself.

Good natured banter between friends is one thing, but as soon as someone shows signs of discomfort it really should stop.

Oh!

Oh.

Didn’t StarDreamer just mean a smile? Not a simile perhaps.
I am definitely confused dot com.

Why do you refer to that as a simile SD ?

Like telling the joke about the man who, in Paris, asked the band at a venue to play the song about the pink aeroplane. [^simile^]

What am I missing here?

In finding it pretty uncomfortable, frankly.

Goodness, I’m finding this thread somewhat mystifying.
?

Nice story but what has it got to do with the topic of the thread?

A relative of mine worked in an office environment of about fifteen women and each year a school-leaver was appointed, being office junior for a year, being trained and gradually progressing, becoming a regular member of the team when the next office junior was appointed.

The women were very inclusive, with a lovely tradition that when, about a week before Christmas they booked then all went for a lunchtine banquet at the restaurant of a nearby hotel, those who were not the office junior all paid a bit extra so that the office junior was treated to a free meal.

And humerous scenarios based on extreme contrived use of technologies
Can you explain this please?
What is humorous about extreme contrived etc technologies? - and what do you mean by these?

Relentless "teasing" about me being the only one of 4 sisters to have the family nose left me with a huge complex about it,I'm 68 and I still hate showing my profile to anyone I look them straight on unless its unavoidable.
I was already image conscious due to my mother having cute nicknames for all the rest but I was the one with my head stuck in a book...unlike my sister the BEAUTIFUL one.Teasing certainly is a form of bullying ,its not funny and can affect your whole life ..and I didn't allow it ,there was no way to stop it my parents thought it was just a bit of fun!

Deedaa

When I worked at Asda I was with a group of 30 to 40ish women. We all got on and used to tease each other all the time. There was a girl of about 17i our department, quite an unpleasant girl, very much into drink and drugs with a nasty tongue as well. She couldn't understand us at all. We used to say dreadful things to each other without a word of it being serious. If she said something nasty it was meant to hurt as much as possible she had no sense of humour and the concept of banter was completely beyond her. It meant that she had quite an unhappy life because she just saw enemies everywhere.

17 is very young. My daughter had a Saturday job in Debenhams, many years ago. Most of the staff were women in their 40s and 50s. She was made to feel very miserable by these women who clearly didn't take much time to get to know her/include her.

MawtheMerrier

Deedaa

When I worked at Asda I was with a group of 30 to 40ish women. We all got on and used to tease each other all the time. There was a girl of about 17i our department, quite an unpleasant girl, very much into drink and drugs with a nasty tongue as well. She couldn't understand us at all. We used to say dreadful things to each other without a word of it being serious. If she said something nasty it was meant to hurt as much as possible she had no sense of humour and the concept of banter was completely beyond her. It meant that she had quite an unhappy life because she just saw enemies everywhere.

I wonder if this might not be at the heart of not understanding teasing and taking all personal comments as bullying?
People who “get it” can generally cope with a level of gentle banter as they have that empathy which eases human relationships.
People who are loners, who are uncomfortable in social situations may not be able to relate to a group dynamic .The lack of a sense of humour means that everything is amen seriously or viewed with suspicion and they in turn are incapable of light easy going chat.
Look at the Argy , or the” virtual cruise” for an online example.

I have mixed with people quite happily, I have a sense of humour, I have great empathy. However, mixing for me does not involve ad hominen comments of any kind and does not involve putting the focus on anyone.

Like telling the joke about the man who, in Paris, asked the band at a venue to play the song about the pink aeroplane. [simile]

Puns and humerous malapropisms can be harmless fun and are not ad hominem and do not put the focus on anybody..

And humerous scenarios based on extreme contrived use of technologies.

Yes, I do think ‘teasing’ can be cruel. It can make the person being teased very embarrassed.

Years ago (over 50) when I was a teen I went to stay with my aunt & uncle in Esher for six weeks. They had a big posh house with a huge circular gravel drive. For a girl from a rented house in Old Trafford I was overawed.

At meal times my uncle (by marriage) used to poke fun at my northern accent. ‘Eeh bah gum’ stuff. I was mortified. My older cousins who seemed very sophisticated to me, laughed mercilessly. Yet I was at their dinner table as a guest with little recourse. Plus they were adults and I was not. I felt awkward and stupid.

Funny how this thread has just reminded me of that time in my life. Looking back, yes they bullied me and made me feel small.

Indeed raficha. Trying to score points in front of other people with his 'jokes'. If I say to someone ',We bought some lovely new glasses'. He will shout over 'Something to put your teeth in then. Ha ha'. Not funny or hurtful now. Just tiresome.

Oops “taken seriously”

Deedaa

When I worked at Asda I was with a group of 30 to 40ish women. We all got on and used to tease each other all the time. There was a girl of about 17i our department, quite an unpleasant girl, very much into drink and drugs with a nasty tongue as well. She couldn't understand us at all. We used to say dreadful things to each other without a word of it being serious. If she said something nasty it was meant to hurt as much as possible she had no sense of humour and the concept of banter was completely beyond her. It meant that she had quite an unhappy life because she just saw enemies everywhere.

I wonder if this might not be at the heart of not understanding teasing and taking all personal comments as bullying?
People who “get it” can generally cope with a level of gentle banter as they have that empathy which eases human relationships.
People who are loners, who are uncomfortable in social situations may not be able to relate to a group dynamic .The lack of a sense of humour means that everything is amen seriously or viewed with suspicion and they in turn are incapable of light easy going chat.
Look at the Argy , or the” virtual cruise” for an online example.