Can teasing be subtle bullying?

MawtheMerrier

^I wondered if people making comments about my height would be thus regarded as sexual harassment or would I be told "oh, that's different^. “".
Only if 1) being tall is exclusively gender related
Or 2) if 1) being tall was something you felt disadvantaged you
made you feel inferior .

However, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I do not feel that being tall is a disadvantage as my tallness is genetic, not as a result of something like Marfan syndrome, but if people comment on my height then it puts the focus on me and prevents me from being treated the same as everybody else, so I feel victimised and wonder why some people do it.

There are well-known put down responses available, but as a gentle vegan I choose not to use them as two wrongs do not make a right.

> However, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Actually I don't agree with that.

I don't go around thinking "I'm tall", I just live as I am, but when people used to inform me of that, and particularly when the focus was put on me by someone commenting on my height to someone else, I felt really upset that I could not just be there on the same basis as everybody else.

At times I felt reluctant to go to places for concern of being singled out in that way.

Are we not supposed to pass any comment whatsoever about someone's appearance lest we somehow offend them?

No, you're not. Why do you feel you have a need to or the right to do so?

I "tolerated" endless bitchy comments at school because I was slim and had a small bust.
I used to wonder what reaction I'd get if I commented back about my "friends' " excess weight or big boobs.
I never dared to.

I dyed my hair once, and it went fire engine red.
I had to go to work like it, but nobody said anything (as per "the rules")
Went home for lunch and put a dark brown on it, so I went back with an Elvis type "do".
Got home and bleached it, and it turned orange, so had to go to work the next morning like it....
Nobody said a word, and I know they must have all been having a laugh about it.

oh dear, isn't it a shame when an original thread is taken off in another direction by one persons comment so is ruined....

What on earth is wrong with someone saying you're tall SD? A lot of short men would like to be taller.

Are we not supposed to pass any comment whatsoever about someone's appearance lest we somehow offend them? Must everyone be wrapped in cotton wool to preserve them from perfectly ordinary comments?

Sadly some people have invisible chips the size of tree trunks on their shoulders - are we supposed to recognise them all and protect their delicate sensitivities?

I think it can be.
It's just more insidious and nasty, if that is how it's intended.

Teasing is affectionate; bullying is not.

I wondered if people making comments about my height would be thus regarded as sexual harassment or would I be told "oh, that's different. “".
Only if 1) being tall is exclusively gender related
Or 2) if 1) being tall was something you felt disadvantaged you
made you feel inferior .

However, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Ah, they had altered the article later, so the title in the link is wrong. I will ask for the post to be deleted as it is misleading.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I wondered if people making comments about my height would be thus regarded as sexual harassment or would I be told "oh, that's different

Possibly not sexual harassment StarDreamer but any unwanted comments about one's appearance could be considered harassment in the workplace; hair colour, size, clothes etc, if those comments are unwanted, and you've requested them to stop making them because it makes you uncomfortable, it should certainly be escalated to HR.

Saying that you are (as I recall) tall is hardly sexual harassment SD.

Sorry that was to katie49

Oh, one of them, seems every family has one. boring, not funny pains in the arse.

Years ago, 1990s, where I was working, a circular came round about sexual harrassment.

Some way down the list of what constitutes sexual harrassment was something like

> Unwanted comments about a person's physical appearance

I wondered if people making comments about my height would be thus regarded as sexual harassment or would I be told "oh, that's different".

I’ve been toughened to this sort of thing by having three brothers and I’m pretty quick with an equally jokey reply which, like the original jibe, can be taken two ways!

I haven’t often had to go down the ‘quiet word’ route but have advised colleagues to do that when they didn’t feel able to give a robust response.

This sort of stuff needs nipping in the bud or else it does develop into bullying - they almost can’t help themselves when they think they’ve got an easy target who’ll suffer in silence.

It can be, but doesn't have to be.

A member of our family thinks he's hilarious by making supposed 'jokes' about the rest of us - our appearance, age etc. He isn't. He needs to take a look at himself.

Could these people be passive aggresive? I loathe people like that, they are harder to call out, and if you do they are hurt and offended, and they play the victim. I agree that passive aggressives are manipulative pains in the ass, but I'm not sure they're the same as teaser/bullies; they have a different modus operandi. Teaser/bullies aren't usually as sly and manipulative as passive aggressives; teaser/bullies are usually convinced that they're hilariously funny and any one who doesn't agree (usually their victim) is lacking a sense of humour and "can't take a joke" when they get upset. Both equally unpleasant to be around though.

Chestnut

What I hate are people who say things as if they are true and when you believe them they say it was a joke. It makes you feel like a fool for believing. I knew someone who did that all the time which is a type of teasing but not in a nice way. I wouldn't call it bullying though.

I call it bullying.

It puts the focus on the victim.

But alas, if Joe King or Jo King is told that, the victim is likely to be told he or she is "too sensitive ha ha ha!"

Instead of just being a person who is there, suddenly the focus is on the victim.

And then there is awkwardness, it polarises people or people say nothing.

If the victim retaliates, then the victim is likely to get the blame.

Look at the aftermath of what happened at the Oscars for example.

I wonder what the aftermath would have been if the response had just been the sedentary shouting..

In the past an ex boss and friend began to say some pretty passive aggressive things to me in public. The first time I let it past as I thought it said more about her chip on her shoulder but the second time enough was enough. I dumped her. Not having that sort of thing. Real friends don't do that.

It's pretty obvious that some people are more robust, in terms of what they are able to tolerate, with regards to being teased.
So, tone it down or don't do it to someone who doesn't like it.

It was officially classed as bullying in the charity I worked for.

What I hate are people who say things as if they are true and when you believe them they say it was a joke. It makes you feel like a fool for believing. I knew someone who did that all the time which is a type of teasing but not in a nice way. I wouldn't call it bullying though.

I always think teasing should be two sided. Otherwise it is a form of bullying.