Husband, old before his time!!

Tets68 mine is like this too. I’m sorry you’re getting a slew of replies from grans who can’t wait to say how young and active their DH’s are - it can’t be any help at all. I have 5 very close friend , of 30 odd yrs duration and 4 of us have noticed a change in our husbands like you. Apart from my husband all seem pretty healthy but more grumpy and less out going. Mine has health issues but to be honest was like this before. We just enjoy life and f they don’t join in so be it. I hope you find ways to enjoy your life ?

Has his behaviour change markedly? Not just Covid or mild health issues but personality changes too? If he has changed from his younger self this could indicate some of the signs leading up to dementia or it could just be depression. Keep an eye on it then talk to him to find out if he'd noticed any changes in his feelings and outlook, he might be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss things that might be getting him down.

My DH is over 60, pretty active, very sociable... and like others we stayed up to watch 80 year old Macca on Sat too.
Could your husband be suffering with depression? Socialising less, not going out and losing interest in stuff could all be indicators of this ...

Mine got like this mid 30’s but I was too busy with the children to take much notice. Once I realised I tried to motivate him but he didn’t want to change so he is now ex! My now DH has multiple health issues but is usually up for anything that he can physically cope with.

I'm 56 and husband 66, at 60 he said that was it. We haven't been abroad since, meals out take weeks of nagging, no sex, nothing.

I thought we'd be together forever...now I wonder if we will...I don't have girlfriends as we always did things together. Worst bit his Mum and Dad and Grandparents all lived to high 80s and early 90s, we may have another 20-30 years of misery.

OP you say your DH goes running and walking locally so he's keeping himself fit . You get plenty of space to meet up with friends . Is there a hobby you could persue together ? U3A is very good . There's no benefit in comparing your DH to others really is there ? But otherwise just enjoy your time with friends and appreciate that you arent stuck together all the time.

Although divorced for over 20 years I still get on well with my ex at family events etc. He has, however turned into a grumpy old sod, can’t seem to see the funny side of anything and is pessimistic about everything. Good job he became my ex when he did- I don’t know if I’d have the energy for it now but would be living a very gloomy life

Good grief, I’ve just seen a clip of Diana Ross on television. Oh my goodness, she’s awful, can’t sing in tune at all. Yet another reason why we don’t watch Glastonbury. Why doesn’t she just give up the limelight and let the younger ones take over. She’s had it! We’re now about to watch Spiral on iPlayer.

Ohhh dear !!! By the way . Welcome ?

If anyone has changes as they've got older I would say its ME....haha oooops and my husband is 10 years older than me BUT BUT IN MY DEFENCE, mine is through illness.

My DH is in late 60s and has recently passed his motorbike test, wow, what an achievement ☆☆☆☆ so in my case ( or HIS case ) I can't put my hand up and say "Mine too", maybe because the past 2 years have squashed EVERYONE'S get-up-and-go and he is still stuck in that mindset !

Saggi my DH had stroke in 2018 and was making a reasonable recovery until Covid lockdown and the onset of Shingles - but I had noticed he was a bit of an 'old woman' before the his illness. He was the life and soul of the party, eloquent and charming. Now anxious and unable to get his words out. He will be 84 this year. How I miss the old DH.

Tets68, have you sat down with your OH to have a serious talk about this issue, if it's worrying you? (IMO honest and reasoned communication is crucial in any relationship.) Perhaps you could plan something special & enjoyable to do together, like a holiday?

That's really hard Saggi I feel for you, I hope you get out and about with friends and family. Sometimes we just have to get on with our lives regardless of our partner's choices.

Another one who thinks that Glastonbury is beside the point. My DH (80) has changed noticeably since lockdown, got so used to staying in that he doesn't want to go out. Worse has become nervous about driving. Every roundabout is now 'tricky', as are all lane markings.
Worst of all is everyday clothes. He will not shop for new ones. If I nag persuade him to buy a pair of chinos online they are deemed too long or too short or too something else and never worn, and he lives in a pair of dilapidated old corduroys.
He's never understood the concept of retirement and wouldn't dream of going out for pleasure on a weekday. So we sit in our separate studies all day and work away fairly productively. Luckily that suits me too. I just wish he didn't look such a tramp when people call unexpectedly.

Mine is hardly ever in the house!! Since he retired he has got very involved in archeology and is often out at a dig. Also on committee at local museum and U3A. If he is at home he is usually in the garden. He has never been one to sit around and still isn't!!

OP, do you think lockdown made a difference?
I am a year older than DH, but he seems ten years older than me. He doesn't walk anywhere, doesn't want to go anywhere, only leaves the house twice a week, once to local shops and once to church. He spends the bulk of the day in his study, then the evening in his armchair, and keeps dropping off in front of the TV. Good job I have my own interests and places to go.

You don't say if he's always had a tenancy to be like this? I should have noticed the signs were there when we first married, because mine is just the same.
At first I thought it was lovely to have a man who was happy and contented at home with me and the children. I was mistaken, he's also old before his time.
I make my own entertainment with friends and have noticed that many more women are in the same situation, they just don't like admitting it.
Its no reason to dump him! Why would you? Do you want to replace him? Don't you even like him any more?

My husband had stroke at 50…. since then it’s wall to wall tv …no socialising…. no trips ….!no holidays no lunch out…. no walking up road togetheras he refuses to be seen as ‘less than perfect’ . His work/ Play/ life and wife disappeared to be replaced with tv/tv/nurse/doctor/ housekeeper! All these roles fulfilled by me…..that’s 26 years now. Talking to the wrong person here!
All I can say is ditch the miserable git before its too late.

My partner is 73 he was watching Glastonbury until after 1 am, he would have been there if he could have got tickets. He’s always keen to get out, last weekend it was the Rugby final, we’re both big fans.
No complaints he’s very outgoing and prefers me alongside him, that suits his family too, they know I’ll keep him out of trouble!.

Like Monica my husband wouldn’t be seen dead at Glastonbury either. For that matter, neither would I! Last night we went out to a Spanish restaurant for tapas with our son and his wife. That was after DH spent all day building a lovely new trellis to top part of our garden wall which has just been rebuilt. He spends as much time outside in our garden or our son’s garden as he can. Indoors he loves classical music and pre Covid we used to go to theatres and classical concerts regularly. We need to get back to doing that I think.

The OP is in a difficult position. Maybe she could suggest walks they could do together, near home or further afield. Also she could suggest concerts, musicals, films that they could go to together. Book a table and go out to eat at local restaurants. Or just watch television together, we watch a lot of iPlayer television together. But she should continue to make arrangements to see her friends regularly, don’t give up on that whatever happens. Good luck.

I think modern life leads us to think everybody is out and about all the time doing exciting things but I am not sure this is true. Your DH takes himself running and working from home is pretty isolating so he is not going to have friends to go to the pub with. Loads of men loath sport but can't admit to it. Eating out a lot is something people either love or find a bit of a chore, strange food etc. Do you have friends visiting? I see from a survey that has been done recently that men have far fewer if any friends than women do. My DH knocking 80 has his railway club and chats away to people he has met there, I wouldn't say they are close friends though. We also rocked the night away with Glastonbury

Does it help OP who is worried about her husband “growing like his Dad” , if we tell her how ours (well not mine obviously ) are still bopping at 2 am?
We are all different - OP’s husband runs and walks (although I can’t see what is wrong with “locally) and isn’t the pubbing type. Not all men are or do just as not all men enjoy football , although some watch cricket or rugby, live or on TV.
Mine loved classical music, opera, ballet and the theatre from his teens and wouldn’t have been seen dead at Glastonbury . Did that make him “old before his time” ?
I just wish we could get away from stereotypes. If OP wants to go out with her girlfriends and he is happy for her to do so , why question it?
I just wonder why she hasn’t noticed this preference before.

Lucky you Espee Boat of Garten is one of my favourite places on Earth. I am the lucky one as I have cousins who live there, so from childhood I have visited at least once or twice a year. Sister and I will be going there in the autumn.

No Glastonbury happy kids too! Hubby loves footy and heavy rock! Me I love Ed sheeran and gin! Went to his concert with my son two weeks ago. Hubby just talking to son about Glastonbury and I’m loving Paul McCartney!

My OH has been good for me in that he always has to be doing something. Right now we are waiting for the RSPB site at Bridge of Garten to open so we can view the Ospreys. Have come from Glasgow this morning and already had a brisk walk through a forest. He is 76, going on 16.

No mine at 79 will do anything although he struggles to walk a long way.
He was up til 1am watching Paul McCartney last night!