Gransnet forums


I need a kick up the pants today....

(52 Posts)
Luckygirl3 Wed 29-Jun-22 12:35:03

.........just a weepy heap. Something triggered some awful memories of some of the dreadful things that happened in my OH's last few years when his Parkinsons made him paranoid and a danger to live with really - bang ..... it all comes flooding back. Will the memories ever go asway I wonder?

Luckygirl3 Mon 04-Jul-22 22:49:42

Thank you for asking. My initial assessment is on Thursday on the phone and I will just have to see what the wait is after that.

Ginny42 Mon 04-Jul-22 21:08:22

I hope you're feeling a little better Lucky. Yes, what a lovely idea for small treats, like a relaxing soak in the bath or maybe treat yourself to some flowers. It may be that you would find it useful to talk to a professional if that's offered. There was a 12 week waiting list on the NHS when I needed help. As my wellbeing at stake, I paid. She taught me strategies for dealing with the flashbacks. Take care, flowers

Luckygirl3 Fri 01-Jul-22 21:33:41

Yes - a step at a time indeed.

Dogsmakemesmile Fri 01-Jul-22 21:03:42

Thinking of you Lucky. I hope today was bearable. Take it a step at a time. Get through the day in chunks of say half an hour. Small treats. You deserve them. Please try to eat and drink a little and often. x

Iam64 Fri 01-Jul-22 20:55:27

Definitely no need for a kick up the pants. More for a hand hold and virtual support.
I’m with you on avoiding a PD forum. I joined a support group when diagnosed with RA 30 years ago. It wasn’t for me

Luckygirl3 Fri 01-Jul-22 20:44:48

Someone upthread suggested joining a PD forum - for which thanks. I have looked at it, and just feel I could not bear to talk on there about all the things that happened that are currently causing me such grief, as there are newly diagnosed people on there and carers - I decided that they did not need to know some of the harsh realities. But they do have a phone advisory service as well, which might be helpful.

Luckygirl3 Fri 01-Jul-22 20:13:41

Thank you - I am torn between weathering the down patches and doing something about it - the latter will involve dragging up some painful memories, but since they crash in on me unbidden I guess I just have to do it in a positive way with a view to overcoming it all. I will get there - I just wish it was speedier, so I could get on with my life.

cornergran Fri 01-Jul-22 13:29:12

Well done for persevering luckygirl: An important first step, well two really. Good for you.

Luckygirl3 Fri 01-Jul-22 13:12:33

I managed to speak to a GP this morning - he was very understanding and has made a referral for some help. They have rung me back and have made a phone assessment appointment for next Thursday. So ..... some progress. Better than sinking ....

Farzanah Fri 01-Jul-22 12:16:55

Well done for making that positive move Luckygirl. I hope you get appropriate support.
You have been through a lot, as others have said, and the mind takes a while to gradually come to terms with it. You are not going mad and things will get better in time, but some support will hopefully help.

Grannybags Fri 01-Jul-22 09:48:30

Good luck with the phone call today. Well done for getting one!

GrannySomerset Fri 01-Jul-22 09:39:51

Absolutely no kicking needed. I didn’t have as hard a time as you, Luckygirl but I do identify with the way things come out of the blue to undermine you. When you think of all you have achieved since your DH’s death - house move, surgery - you would be even more superhuman not to be affected, and not burdening our children with our feelings is hard too. I take comfort from the thought that tomorrow is another day and I will probably feel different.

Esmay Fri 01-Jul-22 09:35:36

Hi Lucky
The last thing you need is a kick up the pants .

You need a bouquet ,a bottle of wine , a box of chocolates, a walk in the park ,a hug from a friend , a great film ...

Don't beat yourself up .
You are grieving .
It's natural .
Give it time .

Wishing you well and happy .

Luckygirl3 Fri 01-Jul-22 09:22:31

Thank you for good wishes.

I rang surgery yesterday and asked for a phone appointment with a GP in order to ask for a referral for CBT. I was offered one on 18th July.........

I said that, given the referral itself would have a wait time and that it was hard to function normally, I wished to speak to someone sooner. A doctor is ringing me this morning .... so it is worth sticking to your guns.

I will wait and see what he has to offer.

Ginny42 Fri 01-Jul-22 08:01:51

I'm glad talking with your friend helped. For now just tiny steps, one day at a time. It's not for everyone I know, but a bereavement counsellor helped me a great deal. Thinking of you. flowers

GrandmaSeaDragon Fri 01-Jul-22 07:58:38

Luckygirl I do hope you are feeling a bit better this morning. I don’t know of your past experiences, being fairly new to Gransnet, but recall you have recently had a major operation and, as a trusted nurse friend told me after my similar op, remember that the effects of general anaesthetic take a long time to leave your system. The sun is shining here this morning, I hope it is for you too and it helps lift you flowerssunshine

hollysteers Thu 30-Jun-22 21:20:49

My sympathies Luckygirl (although you are not feeling lucky at the moment sadly)
My memories of my active, strong dependable husband, my rock, saying his long goodbye with Alzheimer’s, cancer etc. are excruciating but good advice from others here.
I have just read a suggestion that when a horrible thought enters your head, you immediately replace it with a very happy memory, a place or time you loved and not related in any way to the person you are mourning.
I’m going to try it 💕💐

luluaugust Thu 30-Jun-22 19:26:01

Luckygirl thinking of you flowers

Luckygirl3 Thu 30-Jun-22 19:16:04

Thank you - yes I moved house after my OH died, back to where we had lived for nearly 30 years - a lovely village with lovely kind friends and wonderful views - so I have much to be thankful for. It does not stop the Black Dog barking at my heels from time to time.

Redhead56 Thu 30-Jun-22 18:08:13

Oh dear we all have off days don't we. I recall you moved house not long ago I hope you made friends there. The memories might be brought on by a little anxiety you may have. I hope you do get some help and as usual keep in touch on here.

BlueSky Thu 30-Jun-22 12:14:26

Good idea Lucky I’ve always resisted such suggestions but nowadays I would give it a try.

Luckygirl3 Thu 30-Jun-22 12:06:37

Thank you for the kind wishes - also the suggestion about Parkinsons forum - I will try that.

My very kind friend visited this morning and listened to my woes. I have decided with her that I should ask for an appointment for some CBT, which might help me to have some way of dealing with the sudden lows that come from nowhere and pile bad memories into my head. It does at least feel like something constructive to do, or at least try.

V3ra Thu 30-Jun-22 10:35:38

Is there a Parkinson's online support group where you could talk, in more detail than you might wish to on here, to people who can truly understand?
(Something similar to the forum on the Alzheimer's website is what I have in mind).

We're all supportive of you but unless people have been there we can only imagine what you're going through. It must be so distressing when bad memories rear their ugly head.

Wishing you a more peaceful day today 🕊️

dragonfly46 Thu 30-Jun-22 10:22:07

Oh Lucky so sorry to hear this. I too followed your journey with your DH. You did all you could and that is what you must focus on. Try to think back further to the good times if possible.

I am pleased you have a friend coming round - talking it out often helps.
Sending you gently hugs x

Dogsmakemesmile Thu 30-Jun-22 09:50:02

Dear Lucky I hope today slightly brighter. Hang on in there. I have no inkling of what you are experiencing and I wouldn't dream of offering advice. I hope you have a neighbour or friend you could talk to. Keep posting here. All your emotions are valid and perhaps necessary. I wish I could come round with a bunch of flowers and a hug.x