Holidays with family

We’ve gone on holiday with ours daughters, husbands and kids lots of times. It’s hectic, noisy and great fun! I’m looking forward to our next trip to a big villa in Florida next year. Secret (for us) is plenty of space, everyone happy to help out and some time on your own!
We’ve also gone away with friends and siblings. Never again. One set of friends just wanted to sit and drink alcohol all day long, my sibling and partner followed us everywhere. Couldn’t seem to do anything alone. It was tough!

We went away with my Mum 2-3 times when our children were small and she was newly widowed, they weren't to anywhere special but the memories are precious now.

When we go on holiday as a family, we all have separate rooms/apartments on a complex so we have an element of independence. There is no compulsion to do things with us or each other and everybody does their own thing if they want to. Generally, we get together in small groups during the day and larger groups in the evening. It works for us.

Oh yes, we do it every year. 2 sons and their partners along with 3 grandchildren so nine of us in total

We have great fun together but also go off and do our own things when we want.

I spent a number of wonderful holidays with my DS1's family in t big touring caravan mainly in Provence. The children were just pre-teens and slept in their 'pup' tents overnight. They would go and collect the morning bread order from the campsite bar and we had a leisurely breakfast. Much time was spent in and around the pool. We visited favourite haunts and shopped together in the local market. That period is over: the children are late teenagers and living their own eventful lives; their parents are both with new partners. But we all have our own happy memories.

I've had a couple of holidays with one son and his partner and absolutely loved it. And a few years ago 14 of us had a holiday together and it was wonderful. Generally though, it's just me on my own which I don't mind one bit.

I suppose that's one of the issues, the "who does what when" ... but with a big family Sarah you find there are both early-risers and late-to-beds.

Our early risers went out early (often bringing back delicious breads and pastries) and the "later" families often cooked the evening meal and did all the end-of-the-day clearing up for example.

Because we had six family units there was a good mix and match and people made their own arrangements but "invited" others to join them.

Indeed - the sleep-ins by all the family (the AC members anyway) have been a feature of our shared holidays - but I will be around to field the children and keep them happy.

I do remember that making a decision about what to do/where to go often lasted into the early afternoon!

But were we will be there is so much to do in the grounds of the great bog house that I fully expect that they will not go very far, but just laze by the pool, play tennis and boules and rampage around the grounds in a pack of cousins! Oh, and eat and eat and eat!!

The biggest problem for us, is that we are up ready to go early morning, and the rest of them seem to take hours to get organised to do anything.

Oh yes!
And why do they have to bring so much holiday kit with them and leave it strewn about the place?

We get on extremely well with our oldest daughters in-laws, which is nice.
The biggest problem for us, is that we are up ready to go early morning, and the rest of them seem to take hours to get organised to do anything.
Totally different expectations of a holiday, but we just keep in touch and meet up when they’re ready, which might be lunchtime!

I would be wary holidaying with just one of my children and family.
Having so many of us (17) worked because it was easier to mix-and-match who went where.
I wouldn't care to have to all do things together as you may feel obliged to if it was just you and one other family.

BTW, I would never have wanted to holiday with my parents or my in-laws. That would have been a "stick pins in eyes" situation.
My son is not a fan of holidays with his in-laws though he has done them a few times.
I think their choice of holiday is the problem - not what he would choose.

I hope you have a wonderful timeLuckygirl
I am invited to join DS and his family in France in September. I am looking forward to it.
Last year I joined DD on a Scottish island. It was a nice chance to get to know the DGC.
Another son kindly shared a caravan holiday with me. I try to pay my way if they won't take money for the rent I pay for outings and restaurants.
Years ago we regularly holidayed with DB. We would take turns to rent a house big enough for all of us.
We discovered early on that it worked best if each family took turns at cooking the evening meal and we would do our own thing during the day. This stopped us being critical of eachother's childcare methods!!
Life is so different now I am on my own. There is always the feeling of being outnumbered and even patronised.

That's interesting what you say about Mumsnet members having a different view on the subject Luckygirl13.
I was in a fly on the wall situation for several years when we let our big farmhouse in France (slept 14 guests). I would say the middle generation actually benefited most because their parents, ie the grandparents, were on hand to help with childminding and household chores (always the grannies pegging out the washing!)

Interesting responses.

I started the thread because I read one on Mumsnet which had a lot of the "stick pins in eyes" responses, whereas the views on here are more favourable.

I have done this several times successfully; and am about to be in Provence with a group of 14 family ages from 7 to 73 (that's me!). ON this occasion I have treated everyone to a plush self-catering place, as I have acquired a small amount of money following my OH's death and this holiday is a sort of present from Dad/Grandpa.

One of my DDs has invited me on holiday with her family on several previous occasions and it has all gone well. I think it is because her OH is the most easy-going, but I have been away in a group with the other SILs present and I do not envisage any particular problems. It usually works out well all round for all the reasons people have said above.

I am hoping that those who have posted here with good experiences are not the same families as have posted unfavourably on Mumsnet !!!

We’ve found it it can work with thought, planning and good will. Lucky. Occasional weekends have been good for everyone. A large house, plenty of room and enough bathrooms. Long enough to relax, short enough not to irritate each other. All with our own transport to support independence if that’s what we want. Early days there were a couple of full week eggshell holidays, the second one definitely the triumph of hope over experience. A different mix now and holidays are much more relaxed. As we lag behind physically it’s understood not everyone will be doing the same thing all the time. A long weekend is booked for next Spring, ages will range from 7 to 80. I’m already looking forward to it and wish we could do it more often.

9 of us went in May to Ibiza for 10 days. Ages 5y - 90y. I was a bit apprehensive to be honest. Opinionated one or two in the family (no - not me ha!) the thought of adding some alcohol into the mix, old perceived hurts or a crass comment... yet it was bluddy fantastic! We all love one another to bits, that’s the main thing, even if we don’t always agree. I came home happy and relieved at how well it had gone. Would I repeat the experience? Ooh, maybe don’t push our luck.
?

We’ve had holidays with adult dds and a partner or two thrown in. Always very enjoyable, they’re good company. But that was pre Gdcs, and in hotels.
Rented a big house one Christmas, for all of us inc. very little Gdcs, plus some extended family - 12 in all. Worked very well.

nexus63 that sounds lovely and so thoughtful of your family ?

i have done this a few times, last time was a few months ago, i did enjoy it but was glad to get back home, they did everything possible to make it easier for me as i have had a problem with my foot, it was brilliant to spend more time with my two grandsons, i live on my own and not used to noise so they arranged to do things that would leave me to have time on my own if i wanted it. they paid for everything and i was very grateful for that as i live on benefits. if you get on with your family then i would say go for it, that time with the kids was brilliant.

As far as paying for it all goes, for our big anniversary holidays (30 and 40 years so far) we have paid for the accommodation and everyone's flights, because we wanted them all to be able to come.
They were told in advance that once there it would be self-catering, although we paid for dinner on the evening of our anniversary.

For their own big birthdays (30 for all three) we have paid for the accommodation and their own flights plus a partner's flight.

We have paid for this summer's all-inclusive for our daughter's 40+1, which has obviously cost more, and will offer a similar amount for our sons 40ths in due course.

We're quite generous with holidays and they all really enjoy them, but we don't give them any money towards their houses or day-to-day lifestyles.
To me that's down to them to aspire to and sort out.

We’ve done it with dd, Sil and very small Gdcs, but in separate s/c accommodation. That was only because we couldn’t find anywhere big enough for all of us, but TBH I think I’d want that again. Much as I love the Gdcs a separate space with P&Q would be an essential for me now. At least, if it was for more than a couple of days.

Many years ago when we were young, married, and poor, we went away with my in- laws, including his parents, brother, sister + her husband, auntie, uncle and their children, all staying in an old fashioned boarding house. Everyone stayed together most of the time, though it was not compulsory, and it worked out well. I enjoyed their company.
Fast forward and I have a fantasy of renting a big house, or maybe one big plus two small cottages, for us, my adult children and their families, now teenagers, for a long weekend, with meals together in the evening. But fixing a date would be impossible.

PollyDolly

I love my AC and GC unconditionally but I wold rather stick pins in my eyes than go on holiday with them.

Thank god I'm not the only one thinking that!

We also paid the accommodation but everyone travelled separately and did their own car hire etc.
We shared costs of meals out and took it in turns to do day-to-day shopping.
Those who were more affluent tended to buy more things (and "treats") without any discussion - just because they could, but it all just went into a communal fridge/store cupboard.
When we weren't eating out we all helped cook but one person tended to have planned something.

Grandmadinosaur

Correct me if I’m wrong but is the OP expecting negative answers on the subject?

We’ve been away with them on several occasions. Our strategy is to discuss what we would all like to do, places to go and ones you don’t. Also time to yourself/yourselves is another must. If you are up to it offer to childmind ( if at that age) on a couple of evenings to give the parents a break and also plan evenings out for yourself. You don’t have to be tied at the hip. What you do need is tolerance!

I am correcting you because you are definitely wrong! No agenda or preconceived ideas here - I am interested to hear what works for people.