Mum is talking about a cremation but no service how will it work?

This is what I had for my mum. She'd cut herself off from any family or friends. We had her ashes buried with my dad

I must say I strongly disagree with saying ‘disposed of like an old sofa’. It just sounds as if the neighbours were miffed at being sidelined - surely no-one should ‘expect’ an invitation to a funeral?

I obviously need to get out more, but this type of cremation is heavily advertised on tv. A very basic Co-op funeral is £4500 whereas a Co-op direct cremation is around £1500, although cost isn’t always a priority and a lot of people just want a simple send off with no fuss. I think Funeral Directors are reluctant to mention it as there isn’t much profit in it for them.

My BIL chose this too. His wife was told the date but no time, and she and her ACn and his sister got together at her house on the day, to support each other. She now has his ashes.
I totally understood what he wanted, but I must say it was hard not saying goodbye. I think his wife found it very hard, especially as it had been a sudden death, such a shock.

That’s what my friend said Pittcity.

Mr absent died last Easter Monday. He was cremated on the Tuesday, with no one present, and his ashes later delivered to me. The family met at my house a few days later when we shared a meal and memories. It is still winter here, so I am waiting until spring when I shall scatter his ashes in the rose bed and plant a special rose.

He had already told me that he wished to be cremated and the adults in the family agreed that "meal and memories" was a good way to say goodbye. I don't know if I shall ask anyone to share the scattering of the ashes. I may have to have some help planting he rose bush.

I'd much rather the money was spent on a party to celebrate my life than celebrants and cars. I liken it to a registry office wedding with no guests but a big reception later.

This is my plan too, not really to do with costs, just I don't want singing, eulogies, cars etc., and I'm not religious.

Then at a date to suit, my ashes will be buried/scattered at my mother's grave, then a small get together in a nearby gastro-pub.

We met some friends for drinks in a bar last week. One of them announced that’s what she wants. Her husband seemed fine about it and said they’d told their adult children. Fair enough I suppose. She just said ‘whether I’m in a hospital or at home straight to the crematorium for me’. I was surprised as I hadn’t heard of this before. I wonder if the high cost of funerals might be a driving factor going forward? It’s probably a lesser known option but as more folk hear of it I think others might contemplate it.

Jaxjacky

Thé body of the deceased is removed and cremated with no attendees, the ashes can be passed to whoever later if required. An event as and when for family/friends may be held later.

My mum had this. It was an anti climax after her death, but they were her wishes. It doesn't stop the grieving process, or change it at all. I'd go for this I think.

The service is only important if you are religiously inclined. To the rest of us, it is unnecessary. Celebrating the life is what matters.

Basically it comes down to money and her reluctance to spend it. She has plenty of money but feels that £3.5k on a funeral is excessive. For £1.4k the Coop do a basic job. No service, no attendees and for £100 extra they’ll post the ashes to you!

This all seems very strange to me. Surely the service is the most essential part and not the lunch or get together? When my grandfather died we had a service followed by a cremation but nothing afterwards. We all went our separate ways. I did the same for my father’s funeral. When my DH1 died his family insisted on a “wake”. I wasn’t comfortable with this but agreed to please them. There was a bit of bad feeling as I didn’t want alcohol to be served. We compromised in the end on a small quantity of wine or beer. We’re all different I guess.

My husband had a private cremation during covid and I collected his ashes when I could. Later on the immediate family came together when his ashes were interred and we had a lunch together. Very simple to arrange but he had wanted to leave his body to medical science.

My sister-in- law’s mother’s ‘funeral’ was like this. I think it’s an excellent idea. My father left his body to medical research, so no funeral. We had a lovely family lunch in celebration of his life.

A friend of ours had this. IIRC the cremation was done early in the morning, i. e. before the ‘rush’ - the widow was told that she could attend if she liked, but there were no attendants and no service.
There was a big do in the village pub later though.

This is what David Bowie had, and I think that was the first time a lot of people knew it was an option. Most undertakers don’t, in my experience, mention direct cremation.

This is a useful guide. www.orbitas.co.uk/news-blogs/blogs/direct-cremation-burial.aspx

I do know someone who arranged this when her husband died in hospital.Neighbours were expecting invitations to his funeral as he was well known but were told days later it was done, just taken away and cremated.As a neighbour said to me,
Just disposed of like an old sofa.Well, that was the choice of his wife of course.

I've spoken to crematorium manager who informs me that private disposals are carried out first thing in the morning before regular arranged services begin. Suits me fine.

Someone I know his partners daughter has arranged this, way he spoke ... they are taken away don't know when they will be cremated but ashes returned ... best thing to do is ask who she is doing it as no doubt different ones

We did this for my Mum who died 2 years ago. At the time we were in a very strict Covid lockdown (Melbourne Australia).
Her body was taken by the funeral home who arranged for a cremation. There was no service and no family at the cremation. The ashes were stored at our wish for up to 12 months. We could have collected them at the time of cremation had we chosen to.

Nine months after the cremation we collected the ashes and arranged to spread them then had a gathering of family and friends at a local hotel to remember Mum. Covid did throw a curved ball as she had arranged to donate her body to Medical Science but because of covid that was not possible.

i have spoke to my son about my wishes when i die, no service, pick me up from hospital, cremate and scatter in the garden. my son is fine with that but some of my family are saying i need to have a service to give the family time to say a proper goodbye, i only need to worry about my son and he has already lost his dad 20 years ago and his aunt arranged the funeral she wanted. he knows just to contact the funeral directors and they will sort everything.

At my cousin's cremation, we all went in and sat down. One of his sons stood up and asked us all to sit, listen to the music and remember our happy times with is Dad. The chosen music played and then the curtains closed. One final song played and that was it.
There was a get together in a local pub afterwards which was very jolly I'm told, but I couldn't attend.

Thé body of the deceased is removed and cremated with no attendees, the ashes can be passed to whoever later if required. An event as and when for family/friends may be held later.

The funeral home will organise a ‘Direct Funeral’ nobody goes, but you get a date and time it will happen.

(But I think I saw somewhere recently that a couple of people could go if they wanted to.)

All you gave to do is organise the lunch.