Unanswered Message- Is It Just Me?

No, you certainly are not alone in your thinking. I hear it from others too wondering why so & so hasnt replied and saying she cant be arsed to reply. but it all turns out that that is not the case, so & so has life and isnt sat on her/his phone, but because we are unaware of their situation, we just assume that they are ignoring us.... not always the case.

I'm the opposite, I'm afraid. A friend WhatsApped me recent and I didn't react. The message did come through very late at night and I was a bit tired. I phoned her a few days ago and she was so delighted to hear from me. I felt a bit bad about that then. It turned out that she had had a back operation and she asked me round for coffee and I was able to do a few odd jobs while I was there such as vacuuming and carrying some washing to the laundry in the cellar.

However, this month I am making a concerted effort to contact everyone from whom I have e-mails in my inbox which are up to several months old. In most cases I write to them and they reply quite quickly, and then I leave it for a few more months. I don't want to be ping-ponging e-mails daily with everyone - what would we say? - but one e-mail, letter or phone call every few weeks is manageable and a pleasant way of keeping up with everyone. After all, keeping in touch with friends is one of the most important things in life.

My best friend went silent for the last 3 months. Messaged on Friday and met for coffee. She had very little chat and spoke mainly to our other friend. I think she has just got elderly and only interested in her own family. She also seemed a bit confused when we talked about fuel prices and some other news items.
However ,today I had a nice lunch invite from another old friend who is much more on the ball and we had plenty to catch up with.

I tend to assume they must have died. Or possibly lying in a ditch somewhere

I always have to make everything terribly dramatic

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yes I'm always worrying if I've upset or offended someone. It's got worse since a close bereavement last year. I think it just made me value my friends more and would hate to think I've annoyed any of them.

I also worry when people don’t get back to me. I tend to think they have got the huff with me or there’s something wrong at their end, they’re unwell etc.
I suppose because I’m retired I have more time to answer texts pretty promptly while some people are really busy, quickly read them and sometimes forget to go back later and reply. I did text an old colleague a few months ago and he never answered, even though it was him who suggested in his Christmas card that we meet for coffee and gave me his number, thats put me off keeping in touch now but I suppose there could be a genuine reason for him not replying.

There are some people I would worry about if they didnt get back to me fairly quickly. Others I just let it drift.

A few years ago a nephew I speak to every day on the phone and who would come to visit a couple of times a week went silent. After 5 days I began to really worry so I got a taxi upto his flat. He managed to get to the door but had obviously had a stroke and I called the ambulance. He was in hospital for 4 weeks and has made an 80% recovery (still some balance and co-ordination problems) but I have worried about him since.

Now I have paid for a cctv camera in his hall. It doesnt infringe on his privacy but I would expect to see him walking past it a few times a day. If he did not then it would alert me to a problem more quickly.

Others if I dont hear from them I just let it drift. People lead busy lives myself and I sometimes let emails drift myself if I have nothing to say.

Yes, I always overthink things too , moreso now that I'm getting older and more worried about life etc !

I am exactly the same…

Glad she got back to you Calendargirl. I do that too and to worry but it shows we care doesn't it.

Me too!

Well done for persisting, * Calendargirl* and good point Grannybags. I’ve always been pleased when I do persist and yes there’s usually been life challenges at the other end. Now I’m getting up courage to ‘bother’ a friend I haven’t heard from for a while…

I don't worry if I've done something wrong, I tend to worry in case there is something wrong at their end.

Always glad when I eventually hear from them and everything is fine

Yes it’s the difference between having a over tuned conscience I think, I always tend to worry if I ve done something g wrong to upset someone even if I m darned sure I haven’t
It must be nice to get through life never doubting yourself but I think apart from the extremely confident, most do at least sometimes

I have friends that I keep in touch with on and off and I am afraid nowadays I don't worry so much about possibly having offended them as worry about are they still here. Just think in the days of letter writing you would have waited quite a while for a reply. Caring for small GC sounds like a perfectly good reason for a delay.

No it’s not just you, I always know when my niece is away as my sister sends non stop messages, at other times me and any messages I send are ignored.

If i txt/message someone and they don`t get back to me,i don`t give it a second thought tbh.
I`m pleased your friend did get back to you,she may know how you feel about replying sooner rather than later.

No it's not just you. I'm always thinking I've upset people. I'm always asking 'Did I upset you when I said so and so?' The answer is usually 'What are you on about?'

I find if I get a message that requires more than just a couple of sentences in response I tend to think I will reply to that later, when I have time. Then it’s really easy to forget.

Yes, absolutely. I always feel I must have done something wrong or offended them in some way if I don't get a reply when I expect to.
I'm glad it was all ok on this occasion.

Come on OP, you know exactly what she means by “Flat out, looking after first one GC then another”
Surprised one gets time to go to the loo sometimes!

No you are not the only one I am always catastrophizing. Im glad she wrote back to you.