Being British and non confrontational

I am assertive if I need to be, never what I’d call confrontational, always polite to everyone, but I’ve always spoken my mind, whoever’s present

I think I know the thread that prompted this, and trying to put myself in the OP’s shoes, I think her neighbours’ entitlement shocked her so much, she didn’t say anything at first, and then it became more difficult. They also had friends with them, which added to her discomfort.

Being assertive is all that is needed. Being angry and confrontational usually turns out badly especially if driven by so-called 'outrage'.

I hate confrontation and have 'mug' tattooed on my forehead which leads some foolish people to underestimate me. Walk all over me and I'll offer to clean your shoes as you go by but never be racist, fascist, anti NHS, homophobic, anti trans. anti asylum/refugee etc. in my earshot or prepare to be amazed. Well actually you lot won't be amazed because you know what I'm like on here but, believe me, there are many people who have faced my wrath and are still in shock. I don't swear or get angry. I just debate them to death and, if they can't provide any solid evidence for their views then, like a pitbull, I won't let go.

I don't like confrontation nor confrontational people. The world would be better if we were nicer to each other. What's praiseworthy about being unpleasant, like some people seem to boast about? Why ruin someone else's day?
However, I can stand up for myself if I have to.

I may buy a baseball bat for confronting burglars.

Nothing passive aggressive, just good tactics.

Yes, there is a difference between politely and firmly stating your case and being confrontational and having a tongue like a lash

I take it you're not what could be described as "a people person" then, biglouis?

To my mind that would mean missing out on a lot of enjoyment in life.

Being confrontational and standing your ground are not the same thing
Oops, the third person to say this

I'm the fourth (or I could be the ninth or tenth)

I can usually stand my ground unless I'm not feeling 100%.
I was confrontational once, should probably regret it but I don't!

welbeck 84F in here. curtains closed. water and crisps.
What does that mean in relation to this thread?

I used to suppress my anger over things and then blow up over something trivial at a person totally unrelated to what I am angry about. I now try to deal with things as they occur.

Ha ha, * MOnica* perhaps could be considered passive aggressive, but it’s how I behave usually.

I am polite and pleasant when in dispute situations, for no other reason than that it works so much better than shouting and abusing people.

The only person who objects is DD, who says my refusal to lose my temper in almost any situation is one of my most infuriating characteristics!

If a situation needs to be dealt with it’s best to consider rationally what preferred outcome is desired, and how best to achieve it. I have generally found that being assertive but pleasant achieves the most favourable outcomes.
This usually works on line with call centres too.

I find it baffling that (some, maybe many) people assume that a polite and reasonable request will be met by shouting or rudeness from the other party, which would seem unlikely if they also suffer from this apparently widespread British habit of avoiding confrontation.

biglouis, like you I am amazed at how many people put up with the weirdest situations instead of clearing up the issue with communication.
The latest one of neighbours using the complainant’s grassed front garden to park a car, paint something and entertain visitors is a case in point. A simple word might have resolved the issue, or a small fence, but no, rather than communicate she allowed the situation to escalate in her mind.
I have no sympathy with people who won’t communicate.
I also have no sympathy with those who are confrontational.

Yes Urms and what about the money involved in some of those spats over land??
Eye watering amounts in many cases purely because neither side is willing to budge an inch, and an inch is sometimes what we are talking about with these boundary disputes.

I believe in standing up for ourselves, certainly, but not if common sense flies out the window in doing so.

Totally agree with Not Spaghetti. I really do not understand anyone who actually boasts about being nasty to other people (whatever the reason). Scale that up to countries and you soon have wars!!!

Being pleasant and nice and polite is nothing to do with where people are born or live - more to do with a decent upbringing.

Personally, I really think more likely to get problems with neighbours or anyone more quickly and easily resolved by be reasonable and pleasant, than being rude and nasty.

Interesting to see that there is not a huge overlap between Mumsnet and Gransnet.
CF is a perfect shorthand way of distilling the qualities of such people that everyone on Mumsnet understands.
Like Welbeck I initially worked them out through context.
It is inevitable that through time more Mumsnetters will become Gransnetters so I suggest everyone moves with the times as CFery conveys much more than a few words ever could.

Why on earth would you want to read this rubbish?

Mind you, have you seen the ferocious spats some neighbours get embroiled in? Whenever I read the Daily Mail there’s frequently a story about two couples either side of a fence/driveway/tree who have fallen out big style, won’t compromise and going to court over it! Once tempers get frayed, issues can escalate and everybody is miserable.

Maybe, biglouis, some of us would prefer to be on friendly terms with other people where possible. It generally makes life simpler and happier. An angry person is not usually a happy one.

I do not understand why you seem to think it's good thing to have a tongue like a lash or to enjoy the discomfiture of others either.

You ask, "what is it about British people that they are so afraid to stand their ground" - I don't think this premise is even true - but "standing ground" is not the same as being "confrontational" either.

I can't remember where you are from but it may be partly a language difference. When we lived in America we found we used more measured language than our friends. In a mum-to-mum conversation one good friend told me how she was "mad" with her daughter's behaviour where I said I was "fed up" with mine. Theirs was a language of extremes...
A play we saw was "amazing/fabulous" according to her, I found it "pretty good/interesting" We discussed this language use numerous times. I felt I saved "stronger" language for the times it really was required.

That said, people are just people. Some are not swift to anger. Maybe that's not a bad thing.

I think we Brits are brought up not to make a fuss or attract attention to ourselves and being confrontational is the opposite of that.

It's one of our emotional traditions like the stiff upper lip and as has been mentioned by a previous poster the flip side is having others walk all over you. Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way as Pink Floyd sang.

BlueBelle

I can’t read this shorthand CF Cystic Fibrosis
NDN no disrespect to nuns
SCBA (sorry can’t be arsed) prefer to read it in English doesn’t take any longer to write

?

Being confrontational and standing your ground are not the same thing.

Oops, the third person to say this.

In fact I am quite good, at standing up to people in a non-confrontational way, that resolves the problem, 'gets them off my drive' as the OP says, without acrimony and without the use of extreme language. Far from enjoying other people's discomforture, I pride myself on sorting things out and parting with people on good terms and know I do not have to be concerned that they may come back and put a brick through my window.

I actually haven't noticed many people coming on here seething and saying they are 'non confrontational'. The popular problem is people who have problems that could actually be cured if people spoke to other people in their own household or family, and the problems are not usual confrontational ones.

I heartily dislike abbreviations and use very few. OH is the only one that comes to mind.