Being British and non confrontational

sodapop

Alphabet soup is so irritating. I gave up on an earlier thread because there were so many abbreviations in the original post.

I have a policy of always writing out an abbreviation in full the first time that I use it in some writing, as I was trained to do it as a good practice.

I do this because every reader might not be aware of the meaning of the abbreviation.

For example,

If you want to produce a PDF (Portable Document Format) document that is to be printed then it is important to decide whether the PDF document should include bleed areas.

Alas, this can be regarded by some people as patronising, and by some, as, ... er ... mansplaining.

I think that often, having the ability ( or inclination) to stick up for ourselves is something which comes with age.
I’m not too keen on the word ‘confrontation’ as that sounds a bit aggressive to me, but we should all be prepared to speak up if something isn’t right, and I think that ability does come as we get older.

I stand my ground and can be firmly assertive by steadfastly and calmly refusing ridiculous requests. One senior manager used to ask me, with great irony, if I wanted to go on an assertiveness training course.
CFs meet with an emphatic “No”: I will not give a sucker an even break.
I tend to allow an aggressor in a confrontational situation to shout then I walk away, feeling that by remaining in control I’m the stronger person. However if I value that person’s opinion and sense I am in the wrong I pay heed and engage.
NDNs can be quite a different matter. I’m probably as guilty as they are of some unknown misdemeanour. (DH doesn’t see it that way, though.) My NDN, who had appeared inconsiderate, really came up trumps for me during lockdown. Live and let live is my motto.

to be fair being from or living in the uk and being called british is not generally seen as an insult.
so i hope you make allowance for that.

Jaxjacky

Please feel free to let me know what I’ve said is wrong Madgran?

I'm sorry my comment was not directed at you atall, just a general comment on assertiveness and confrontation being two different things. I hadn't actually seen your comment when I posted.

i am usually nc but i have butted in when i saw someone being shouted at or bullied, if someone is shouting at me i stand there and smile, i think it annoys some people, when i am angry my accent and speaking gets very clipped, i don't shout, probably my scottish, glasgow upbringing....one thing that really gets my goat is being called british ...i am scottish and live in the uk.

Alphabet soup is so irritating. I gave up on an earlier thread because there were so many abbreviations in the original post.

biglouis wrote After a lifetime spent in customer and client facing roles Ive had enough of "people".

One day I rang the customer service line of a company. A lady answered and we discussed what I had rung about. For some reason I can't remember discussion became more general and after a while I realised that I had been rambling on for some time.

"Oh, I've been rambling on for some time, I hope I haven't delayed your work."

"Quite alright. It's nice to talk with someone who isn't shouting or swearing at me. I've had it all day, it makes a nice change."

"What? People shout and swear at you?"

"You have no idea!" (sigh)

MerylStreep

BlueBelle

I can’t read this shorthand CF Cystic Fibrosis
NDN no disrespect to nuns
SCBA (sorry can’t be arsed) prefer to read it in English doesn’t take any longer to write

Absolutely!!!!!

I began to think it was just me because I don't live in the UK
and hence 'modern english' was another language

It depends sometimes I just cant be bothered to have a row, it's such an effort

Crossed post madgran and Jaxjacky I agree with both of you.

Being assertive is not confrontational, no need for “confronting”, just asking reasonably for what you want. Life is short, do unto others………..
I find it odd when people take delight in getting the better of others.

welbeck

Witzend

Cheeky f**ker, isn’t it? Popularly used on MN. The general noun for such behaviour is CFery.

that's what i said. sigh.
84F in here. curtains closed. water and crisps.

Sorry, welbeck - a case of cross-posting.

Please feel free to let me know what I’ve said is wrong Madgran?

Confrontational has got absolutely nothing with being assertive and stating what you need/want!

I wouldnt say confrontational as that would imply anger, therefore out of control. But I can be assertive if I feel it’s deserved, with politeness; calmly and logically.

Neither of us are "afraid to stand ground" - we merely state our preferences in a polite manner. If others ignore us we go along our way, no issues.

BlueBelle

I can’t read this shorthand CF Cystic Fibrosis
NDN no disrespect to nuns
SCBA (sorry can’t be arsed) prefer to read it in English doesn’t take any longer to write

Absolutely!!!!!

Urmst, i think if you behave the way you wish to, then that is your choice and living by your values.
which is good.
but i regret, and go over, pointlessly, so many situations where i wished i had acted differently, been more assertive, decisive, or simply walked.

What is it about British people that they are so afraid to stand their ground?

This could never describe Himself.
We are complete opposites. Yin & yang if you like.

I’m not good at confrontation. I’m a bit of a people pleaser I suppose. Does that make me ‘kind’ or ‘weak’? We are what we are. I would absolutely hate to fly off the handle at anyone and see them embarrassed . I’m very aware of people’s feelings. People are more important than ‘things’.

Being confrontational and standing your ground on something you feel strongly about, are not the same. It's possible to stand up for what you believe in and/or for your rights, without being aggressive, hostile and/or argumentative.

My next door neighbour constantly complains about the house, parking issues, state of garden etc with her neighbours on the other side of her. She flatly refuses to actually speak to them about any of it and so nothing ever gets resolved and she continues to feel aggrieved. I don't have this problem.

I can’t read this shorthand CF Cystic Fibrosis
NDN no disrespect to nuns
SCBA (sorry can’t be arsed) prefer to read it in English doesn’t take any longer to write

I have two friends (both women and in their 70s) who dislike confrontation. I am afraid their families walk all over them as if they were doormats.