Chalkie Davies
podnreosSt7y05h6tcm8Y5r1a a3c8hm61 aft1g:d1e5aei0a02f9ms0h2h ·
By @curiousiguana
Right, everyone. I need to be serious for a moment. Because the greatest thing that ever happened is happening right now.
I don't particularly care either way about the Queen. But the queue? The Queue is a triumph of Britishness. It's incredible.
Just to be clear: I don't mean the purpose of the queue. I don't mean the outpouring of emotion or collective gried or the event at the end and around the queue or the people in the queue. I mean, literally, the queue. The queue itself. It's like something from Douglas Adams.
It is the motherlode of queues. It is art. It is poetry. It is the queue to end all queues. It opened earlier today and is already 2.2 miles long. They will close it if it gets to FIVE MILES. That's a queue that would take TWO HOURS TO WALK at a brisk pace.
It is a queue that goes right through the entirety of London. It has toilets and water points and websites just for The Queue.
You cannot leave The Queue. You cannot get into The Queue further down. You cannot hold places in The Queue. There are wristbands for The Queue.
Once you join The Queue you can expect to be there for days. But you cannot have a chair and a sleeping bag. There is no sleeping in The Queue, for The Queue moves constantly and steadily, day and night. You will be shuffling along at 0.1 miles per hour for days.
The BBC has live coverage of The Queue on BBC One, and a Red Button service showing the front bit of The Queue.
NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD JOIN THE QUEUE AND YET STILL THEY COME. "Oh, it'll only be until 6am on Thursday, we can take soup".
And the end of the queue is a box. You will walk past the box, slowly, but for no more than a minute. Then you will exit into the London drizzle and make your way home.
Tell me this isn't the greatest bit of British performance art that has ever happened? I'm giddy with joy. It's fantastic. We are a deeply, deeply mad people with an absolutely unshakeable need to join a queue. It's utterly glorious.
“The queue has visitors going to look at queue. My mum travelled to see the queue.”
“But surely it can't all be true?
How on earth can people stay upright & moving for 30 hrs or even 15 hrs? Surely tons and tons of people will faint, be ill, have hypos, get too tired to continue etc?
Are there any food stalls?
I'm worried about them all!”
“We don't even know if she is really in the box.”
“I'm upset you talked about the Queue without sharing links to how we can watch the Queue”
“What we need to understand is that probably 400,000 will queue & file past the Queen’s coffin but, in 20 years time, 50 million people will claim they did.
“It happened at Woodstock, at the first Pistol’s gig & Jesus probably fed 500 people.
It’s the need to become part of history”
“There you have a movie as British as it could be. You just need ten characters and how they got to the queue.”
“Of course the peak Britishness will come if the queue gets too long and the have to close it, because we will no doubt start a queue to join the queue”
“It's only a matter of time until I can be seen from space.”
“The International Space Station will be live streaming the queue from space.”
“Long live the Queue! This is what us Brits have been practicing for all these years.”
“An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.”
“Queue-Anon: a 12-step program for those currently lining up to see the Queen who need help leaving the queue.”
“In the US we frequently call this "getting in line." I've never wanted to be in line so badly as I do right now after reading the thread above.”
I've got to go to bed, Twitter. You have been WONDERFUL. So many funny, clever, nice, kind, lovely people. I'm sorry I can't talk to you all, it's just impossible and shows no sign of slowing down.
God Save The Queue.
oh god there is now another queue and people in the other queue do not know what to do as they don't get given wristbands and there has been discord in the queue and now everything is in turmoil, how will they toilet/keep warm/keep place in second queue and second queue might not even get through
also they have run out of wristbands
I don't mind people keeping a place, but not for friends of theirs who just realise they know someone and beckons them forward.
How wonderful, MrsKen. I do hope he wore a pink dress. ?
Not this queue (because you have wristbands to prove you were really in it) but in unbanded queues there is a whole lore and etiquette about how you can or cannot leave and then rejoin the queue. Or never actually be in the queue but convince people who might object to your sidling in that you WERE actually in the queue but had to go to the loo/fetch your medication from car/insert appropriate excuse. Unfortunately the person who was "keeping a place" for you has now gone in so you are entitled to go to the front because if you had been with them you would be "in" as well. Its not your fault you have to go to the loo/take your medication/whatever.
henetha. Grayson Perry is one of the motorbike outriders. ?
He was probably hoping they would run away, so he could take their space in the queue.
Then everyone could shuffle 9 inches forward. (But always aware of respecting people's personal space)
I've just had a news alert on my phone. Two women have been sexually assaulted in the queue by a man who pushed in and exposed himself. He has been arrested.
He just stopped short of saying that we could not queue before because of the EU!
In the meantime, Farage, who of course if not queuing himself-boasting about what a great nation we are! Well yes, but not for the likes of him!
JaneJudge
now David Beckham has been in the queue
He’s just gone through, took him over 13 hours to get through
Fleurpepper, what a genius article, so very british, and total understanding of our mind set regarding queues in Britain.
This sums us all up totally, with humour and honesty, and I love it!!!
Thanks for this: I laughed so much that I choked on my coffee. I love the suggestion that we will rejoin the EU so that the queue can get even larger. One good thing about Liz Truss allowing effluent to surround our shores (a septic isle indeed) is that when it hardens the queue will be able to stand on it between Dover and Calais and not get their feet wet. Large swathes of this country have gone stark staring mad; Norwich City Council have closed bike racks " out of respect for the Queen". Please God, give me strength!
Galaxy
And now we have the villains for the film, apparently according to rumours I cant really substantiate, holly Willoughby and Philip Schofield got to jump the queue.
From Mumsnet:
I’m sure now holly and Phil have visited her soul can finally be at peace.
Well ???
There is now a queue for The Queue
twitter.com/robertrea/status/1570735515414167552
Andrew Lloyd Webber presents ……….
”Queue - the musical!”’
And now we have the villains for the film, apparently according to rumours I cant really substantiate, holly Willoughby and Philip Schofield got to jump the queue.
I think he’s still there Jane no priority this time.
now David Beckham has been in the queue 
Maggiemaybe!
JaneJudge
there will be a film about the queue wont there? People singing, a blossoming romance, friendships made, hidden booze...someone has had a funny turn...a stray cat joins the queue...more cats...I bet Richard Curtis is sharpening his pencil
Love it.....
Fantastic thread. Thanks Fleurpepper, made my day, but then I'm a simple soul. ??
I've just seen the Holding Pen for The Queue. And they look as if they're just standing around in a mess! It's so untidy. They must be queuing surely?
Hilarious ?
Why on earth would you?!
Think big, SueDonim. If Corrie can do it so can The Queue. Quads - Eliza, Beth, Lilly and Bert.
JaneJudge
there will be a film about the queue wont there? People singing, a blossoming romance, friendships made, hidden booze...someone has had a funny turn...a stray cat joins the queue...more cats...I bet Richard Curtis is sharpening his pencil
We need a birth, too, preferably of surprise twins, or maybe triplets. ??? Everyone will rally round and the new mum will be ushered to the front the queue, along with the babies, and then go home with everything she’ll need for her new family for next five years, from nappies and prams to school uniform.
JaneJudge
there will be a film about the queue wont there? People singing, a blossoming romance, friendships made, hidden booze...someone has had a funny turn...a stray cat joins the queue...more cats...I bet Richard Curtis is sharpening his pencil
We need an ex PM in disguise in the mix surely - Theresa, John, Gordon? No Boris, not you. Tony, get down!
Oh, and some cute kids. I’m completely impartial, but I do have six adorable grandsons (dashes off to break up the fights and spit on a hanky to clean them up a bit).
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