Why do people do that?

Lathyrus

I have a horror of people giving me things they no longer need (or want cluttering up their house) but which they are sure I will find useful?

Sorry?

You don't want a pile of knitting patterns, then? I was going to offer them ? ??

Actually, I think they're chopsticks, not knitting needles

PollyDolly

sazz1

I'd love someone to just pop in here but so far nobody does. My last house the neighbours and family used to just pop in for a quick cuppa which was great.
Nobody is here forever so I'd enjoy the company while you can.
I never cared what the house looked like as true friends and family come to see me not the furniture.
Sorry but I think the OP is an unfriendly person.

On the contrary, I AM not an unfriendly person! But I do value my privacy and I do not like having to sit and listen to. someone else droning on about their own problems with little heed for anyone else.\
sizzle......you know nothing about me

I'm puzzled why you'd give them the vegetables in the first place if you don't want their friendship.

Have you got a freezer? Or sell them to a local farm shop.

Interested
My friends and neighbours know that i work in a charity shop so they drop the stuff off at my place ?

sazz1

I'd love someone to just pop in here but so far nobody does. My last house the neighbours and family used to just pop in for a quick cuppa which was great.
Nobody is here forever so I'd enjoy the company while you can.
I never cared what the house looked like as true friends and family come to see me not the furniture.
Sorry but I think the OP is an unfriendly person.

On the contrary, I AM not an unfriendly person! But I do value my privacy and I do not like having to sit and listen to. someone else droning on about their own problems with little heed for anyone else.\
sizzle......you know nothing about me

I'd love someone to just pop in here but so far nobody does. My last house the neighbours and family used to just pop in for a quick cuppa which was great.
Nobody is here forever so I'd enjoy the company while you can.
I never cared what the house looked like as true friends and family come to see me not the furniture.
Sorry but I think the OP is an unfriendly person.

Keeper1

Razor wire and landmines

I loved your response a little too much.

not putting out veggies, but I have tried chatting with neighbours
been here over 20 years, and other people do not understand that I do not have a neighbour that I could try calling on.

Round here there is a chap who puts out the extras from his allotment. I am very grateful, always wave as I take a marrow or a couple of tomatoes and, if they are in the garden, thank them, but have never thought of “popping in, what a cheek !

grandtanteJE65

PollyDolly

Why do neighbours think that when you offer a few veggies from the glut in the harvest or the offer of giving something away you no longer want and they can use such as knitting pattern as an invitation to "pop in for coffee" anytime they wish?

How do you go about deterring such neighbours?

To me you are sending a very mixed message here, so no wonder your neighbours got the wires crossed!

Why would you offer a person you did not want to get to know better surplus anything? You could have driven down to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen with the surplus from the kitchen garden and given anything else to a charity shop. No strings attached there.

Surely, it is only natural to see the offer of such things as an attempt to become better friends with the neighbours?

On the other hand, it would have been politer of your neighbours to ask you in for coffee than to pop in to your house. I mean they have already had a gift of your garden produce, so giving you a cup of coffee is a minimal return.

Nor, do I understand, why if someone comes by and invites herself in you don't politely say it is an inconvenient time, as you are working, just going out, etc.

I offer things to my local community in the first instance - that being all my neighbours regardless of how well I know them.

I presently cannot drive anywhere because I am temporarily housebound.

As I explain upthread, this person has a history of descending on people at very inconvenient times.

I do not want to have to be in the position of having to say "Sorry, I cannot/don't want to invite you in".

Myself and several other neighbours are of the same frame of mind - we are here to help when anyone is having problems but none of do the 'popping in for coffee bit', apart from this one individual. I offered her veggies the same as I offered everyone else, I had knitting patterns that I thought she might use and these were offered in good faith - they certainly were not an invitation to come for tea!

Sorry, 'wire'

'Razor wirw and landlines' Very funny but might work.

Grandtante - exactly. Do wish Gransnet could organise tick boxes, save reading the same responses over again.

PollyDolly

Why do neighbours think that when you offer a few veggies from the glut in the harvest or the offer of giving something away you no longer want and they can use such as knitting pattern as an invitation to "pop in for coffee" anytime they wish?

How do you go about deterring such neighbours?

To me you are sending a very mixed message here, so no wonder your neighbours got the wires crossed!

Why would you offer a person you did not want to get to know better surplus anything? You could have driven down to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen with the surplus from the kitchen garden and given anything else to a charity shop. No strings attached there.

Surely, it is only natural to see the offer of such things as an attempt to become better friends with the neighbours?

On the other hand, it would have been politer of your neighbours to ask you in for coffee than to pop in to your house. I mean they have already had a gift of your garden produce, so giving you a cup of coffee is a minimal return.

Nor, do I understand, why if someone comes by and invites herself in you don't politely say it is an inconvenient time, as you are working, just going out, etc.

I hide or tell them I've Covid. The Covid one works great with cold callers for me.

Keep door locked and don’t answer if not convenient

I live in an area with 6 other elderly neighbours. Most of them I don't see much off but one who speaks to my dog and gives her treats, I often, if I've been baking take her something , maybe 2 scones and a couple of pieces of cake. I've never been in her house and she has only once been in mine. She quite often brings biscuits or s little cake to me. That's just friendly and not a problem to us..

I’d like it. No-one pops in on me…but I don’t pop in on anyone either!

I always try to give stuff to a charity shop. That way, the charity gains, and someone who wants it gets a bargain.
You have to tell people that you like your routine and don't like to get away from it. They might have accepted the things because they felt they couldn't refuse, and think you are reaching out for company -there's another side to this as well.
I

I used to be a target for ‘poppers-in’ because I’ve WFH for several years. I started to say ‘I’m afraid I can’t ask you in’ quite a lot!

Keeper1

Razor wire and landmines

??????

perhaps could find a modern version of my Granny’s way of dealing with this situation. She lived in a Victorian terrace, step in from the pavement. Anyway, before swinging open the heavy solid front door, she would ram on her hat, sometimes in winter a scarf too, open the door. Should it be someone she was pleased to see, would say she had just come home, come in, if it was an unwanted visitor, she would say, I’m just going out.
She never had a phone nor spyhole and couldn‘t see her front door from her front (parlour) window.

No one should be under siege in their own home, good luck.

Keeper1

Razor wire and landmines

This made me laugh ?

To be honest,.I think people are lonely.
Maybe you've got a bit of magnetism and look like someone they want to get to know.
Just be firm...I know it's difficult but I wouldn't like anyone just dropping by for coffee. I'm too busy (and important) ? to stop and chat like that.
Working from home...some people don't understand that you are in fact .. working.
I love my neighbour and Family and regularly chat but I'd never ever dream of just dropping by like thwt and expecting coffee

Put anything unwanted on Freecycle.
My neighbours are lovely - there if you need them (and vice versa) but otherwise non intrusive.