feeling Alone - don't comment if you feel I'm needy!

I have felt quite lonely lately. I have lots of good friends and keep busy. However, I recently was away on holiday with some friends. They spoke to their husbands regularly and when they got home, they were waiting for them. It made me feel so alone. ( my friends had no idea and would be mortified if they thought they had upset me). Sorry not much help but I think it is simply part of life and it is a matter of filling the void. Xx

No it’s not needy to feel like that I also live alone and I don’t mind living alone but sometimes I feel so lonely when we went into lockdown I’ve have never felt so alone and far from ppl. My drs told me to go out for a walk or knock on a neighbor or join a club even if it’s something you hadn’t done before. Sit in library or cafe. Once you out and about you will soon lose that feeling or get yourself a pet. Feeling will soon pass you by.

hello lefthanded,, again thank you , you prompted me to call the docs. and I have an appt, 10th November , so thank you

and nexus and skparkynan..
strange these feelings of being lonely... I wonder if people had these feelings, as much as we are saying now,, before covid.

ie. has covid, or the after effects got us talking/sharing more..
well I know for one, that I was younger, so getting old, for me is not helpful.. and I have tried medication for depression,not for me..

so perhaps the first step is for us to talk and share more?

Charleygirl5

Bea try to forget Sunday is Sunday and it is just another day of the week. It took me years to get over the "Sunday" feeling and I have managed it, my brain helping by not always sure which day it actually is!

I agree, most of us associate Sunday with a family lunch and a few people around and when one is on one's own and maybe having cheese on toast it is rather different.

This is exactly what I’ve done, to me Sunday is just another day! I might go out for lunch with one of my Meet-up groups, I might do some gardening, I might catch up on tv programmes I’ve missed or I might do some baking.

I noticed that Sundays were different once I was divorced, even though I had three children living with me, I felt very isolated as my other friends were still married and Sundays were family days for them. My children were too young to leave so I could not go out without them and they did not have regular contact with their father. I ended up doing all my school planning on Sundays and made my children do homework then as well, it helped us get ahead for the week and freed up my evenings a little.

I often feel lonely and my husband is sitting across the room watching TV. He's not a talker, since he retired its more noticeable. I still work and during my visits to very elderly people, I often realise how lucky I am that I can get out and about.
I am dreading retiring. I will try and do volunteer work so as to meet other people.
No easy answers, but I advise keeping to a routine and do something nice for yourself at least once a day.

i was widowed when i 39, i thought my life was over, i had no close friends as i had been my husbands carer for 8 years and his death was sudden due to a medical mistake, i spent the next year feeling so lonely and never knew if i was crying for my husband or myself. i did meet someone through a bereavement group and we became companions, he would stay at mine on the weekend, i lost him 18 months ago, now that i am 59 i can cope more with the loneliness but sometimes i feel invisable, like if i went to bed and never woke up...would anyone miss me? i still don't have any friends other than a couple of neighbours and my health is not good. i don't know what age you are or if you work, could you find something to do outside the house, maybe some charity or voluntary work, i know in my area we have knitting clubs and walking days, lots of charity shops and food banks, i did speak to my doctor and took tablets because my feeling of being lonely was also caused by depression, i wish you lots of hugs and all the best.

Thanks for that lefthanded. I have been feeling very tired lately, and went to docs.. Yes! I got a face to face appt!!!!actually got through the receptionist, we have to convince the receptionist that we are worthy of an appt! so.. she did a blood test, then doc, well she authorised one,, and no one came back to me, so I was told that would mean o..k. but then, I wonder what exactly I was tested on,, Iron? Vit B is also another one, so I will try and get another doc appt, cos still very tired, lost 1/2 stone in weight also,, without dieting.. and I was wondering thyroid...

so thanks lefthanded

Just a thought polnan, have you had your thyroid levels checked recently? Sudden severe mood swings can be a symptom of thyroid deficiency. I know. Been there. Done that. ?

I’m sorry you feel alone and lonely. I have times when I feel that way too. I usually try to pick up some kind of handwork or use it as an opportunity to write notes or read a good book. Often I find the time has passed and I’m out of that slump.

Sometimes I go for a long walk. Physical activity almost always lifts my spirits.

But there are days when nothing works. Then it’s just awful. No one likes to feel invisible or forgotten.

oh I love this thread, thankyou Bea 65 and all who posted.

since covid, I have changed, my dh died just before covid, ie. in the November.. so many things, all at once, I think.

I also believe the lockups (! yes we were locked up!) did irreparable damage to me, me included. I try to understand me,,, my "feelings" are all over the place, up and down,

I get out amongst people/friends (what is a friend?) and when I leave a small gathering of people I know, having had a laugh and chat,, my feelings/mood plummets.

I can wake up good, or the opposite, then within an hour or so, no apparent reason, I go down.. I have set boundaries round myself, things I can`t do...

I do not understand,, and yes, get these feelings of loneliness. It is soooo good to talk, share... it certainly helps me to hear that it is not just me feeling like this!

so thank you all... Let me know when anyone has found the solution, meanwhile, we plod on.

It's odd but Sunday is my favourite day of the week, after a very busy MH nursing career I always found it to be the day when I could really relax...and now retired I suppose I still associate with those memories... but I can really empathise with others who have bouts of loneliness, that can hit anytime and is a period of sadness which thankfully lifts if I sit with it,

I still love sundays, I feel that special vibe from long ago and I try to eat something nice and listen to nice things on my radio or to nothing as I like silence too. If the weather is nice enough for a cycle ride in nature, even better for my psyche

Like others it is not my choice to be alone but it is up to me, in my one life, to do something that is uplifting, even getting through the day in a relaxed mood is a nice outcome. To do anything that gives me that inner zing is a good outcome. I could sit and make myself feel needy but no way, it is not in my nature

I was thinking one of the things I hated most about Covid was we were not allowed to hug one another here (dictatorship government at that time) . I am a hugger and found it very hard but not nearly as bad for me as it was for those living alone with no physical contact with anyone at all. No wonder pet ownership went off the scale!

Meant to add perfectly summed up by Luckygirl3 that is just how I feel.

Sometimes thinking about the happier times & the fact that you can never get those moments back can triggers feelings of loneliness. Keeping busy is definitely the key but then you can’t always do that 24/7.

I couldn't pass without saying that the more people talk about this, the better it will be. We know better than to tell people who are depressed to get over themselves and I don't really understand why it appears acceptable to tell lonely people they are needy.
I think I felt lonely when I felt that I didn't fit in anywhere. I have found my niche at the moment at home which is great but I still find it harder in other places. So, it will be all very well telling me that I should find something to do when I feel lonely but some times that would make it worse if I did.
I think there is a fine line between loneliness and depression but I don't think all loneliness is depression. And I don't know about anybody else but I can look ok on the outside but my insides tell me a very different story.

I always loved Sundays and all the things I would do with my children on that day - certain rituals like roast dinner, then for tea home-made rolls fresh from the oven and a newly made sponge cake all eaten sitting round the fire or in the garden.

So ..... Sundays are very different now that I am on my own. If it is good weather I walk/limp up to the common; and if it is wet I read or paint. Either way I look forward to 5.30 on Radio 3 when Words and Music comes on - love that programme.

Sometimes I feel alone - that is OK; and sometimes I feel lonely - that is not.

I can feel very lonely when I am with people because I am listening to them talking about all the things they plan to do together and watching them hug/touch hands/smile at each other - I feel totally excluded from that aspect of life - the comradeship, the passing intimacies. And I can feel less lonely when I am home on my own, as it is what it is and there is nothing in my face to compare it with.

It is a bugger - I am living a life that I did not choose and every day is a challenge to face up to. But I am doing it.

I was told once by a professional to focus on what interests me, my passions and go for those as your first port of call. Use them as your guide during darker times and have ownership of them. They said everything has meaning. You just need to connect with what has meaning for you. i.e. craft, hobby, books, gardening whatever and go enjoy.

For years Sunday always felt existentially dull. mainly because, the opposite of the OP. Sunday was my parents day to relax and have time on their own. As soon as lunch was over we, children were sent to our bedrooms or into the garden to play and had to stay there for 2 hours, while my parents relaxed together in the living room with the Sunday Times crossword and the dictionary. So Sunday came with a dull cloud.

Having spent a lot of Sundays alone or with small children. decided to fight the feeling by Making Sunday Special.

It means a really nice meal at lunch time properly cooked and served and usually an afternoon tea type evening meal, and then, with the children, we would go out somewhere, not necessarily anywhere expensive, visit a local beauty spot, go for a walk together, occasionally go somewhere further afield.
These days, I send few Sundays alone, but I had them regularly when DH was working so I set Sunday aside for devoting a long period to my sewing, I had sew Sundays.

They have now become a regular Sundayevent, if we are home and nothing else is getting in my way, on Sunday aftenoon I disappear upstairs to my sewing room and potter among my stash, work on the current projec.t

Isn’t everyone ‘needy’, one way or another? No man is an island …

Needing someone to chat with and needing people to socialise with is not being needy it is quite normal.

I can't pass this thread without commenting on you instruction to not comment if we think you are being needy. Gn doesn't work like that I'm afraid and people are entitled to comment on anything.

Its a very, very good web link, very detailed, and the "tips" are good too.

What people have said above - the power of opening up to someone who understands, is so important.

Or if not understand, ACCEPT - unconditionally.

This is a useful article on loneliness from Mind, and some tips on coping with feeling lonely -

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/about-loneliness/

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/#TryPeerSupport

I’ve been thinking about this.
We have had our daughter and her children living with us for a couple of years, we still have one child here.
I had craved time alone so much, delighted in them going out for the day.
But now we’re down to one, I realise it’s going to be strange, and if I was literally on my own, if something happened to my husband, I would find it very hard.
I’m the type of person who would always say ‘I’m fine Thankyou’ whatever was going on, so without my husband to moan to, I think I would be very lonely, and struggle to find a purpose.
So I think you are all doing great, no shame in feeling lonely, keep coming here and talking.