Would you downsize to a retirement village ?

In her mid-late 70s my mother (an inveterate ‘ over’) decided that she wanted to move to a ‘little flat’ - she’d already downsized after my father died from a newish 4 bed semi with a small garden, to a smaller 3 bed terraced with a patio garden in the same road.

I looked at several ‘elderly’ flats with her - mostly McCarthy and Stone IIRC, but none would do. Her own house was small but felt reasonably spacious - these felt poky and I particularly remember one, where the living room window was too high to see out of unless you were standing up - and then it only looked on to a car park!

But the thing that really put her off was no dishwasher - she had a small one at home - and no space for one. ‘I’ve done more than enough washing up over the years!’
When she commented to the saleswoman, the answer was, ‘Well, they didn’t think old people would want them.’

Exit my mother, highly indignant!
The move never happened - she stayed put until a care home was needed at 89, because of advancing dementia.

We'd hate to leave the home we've lived in over 60 years. Maybe sideways into something similar and less rural is a solution.

We can't walk to anything, except fields of our own land.

However, wondering if hiring help for all needs would cost similar to a retirement village and may be better to us.

Seems a good approach, to me.

karmalady - That is exactly what we are planning. We have a 4 bed house with 4 large reception rooms. We use one as a study, another is used more in winter, I have a room for my hobbies. The prospect of downsizing put us off until we thought about a sideways move.
We've lived in our house 40 years but it's in a tiny village with no bus service and no shop. The garden is my passion but I cannot manage it.
So we are looking at a small market town or large village. We only decided in August and had the place valued but have decided to see what happens over the winter.If prices fall it won't really matter as it will cascade down. However we live in an area of low property prices and houses take months to sell in this village at the best of times.

I can't factor in where the adult children live because they are only early 20s and could move. I am 64 and DH is 73.

We downsized from our large, rural property to a smaller, but modern house very close to the city centre. It is working out very well for us so far, there's a real community with mixed ages and nationalities in our immediate neighbourhood.
We have a much smaller garden which is OK because our old one was too big and we are getting used to a smaller house!
I'd be very wary about a special 'retirement village'-- not only can there be high annual charges but these can increase substantially over the years. Sometimes the service charges are sold on to a company which specialises in such scams schemes and which might do things like paint yellow lines around the development and charge you for parking, or worse, fine you if you contravene their rules.
In addition, it can be difficult to sell such properties on if you need to, with the developer insisting on first refusal or limiting how you sell and to whom.
A very large developer in the retirement homes market is notorious for this. There will be restrictive covenants in place that you will have to sign if you want to buy.

We’ve done similar, Karmalady. We were in a rural area before, where over the 25 years we lived there, the church, school, post office and shop all shut and there was no public transport. Last winter we were badly affected by Storms Arwen and Malik. We decided we didn’t want to face the prospect of spending a week at a time without power as we got older or become reliant on neighbours to do things for us in the future. Our garden was also quite inaccessible, as we were on a sloping site amd I wanted something easier to deal with.

So, we had a massive declutter at the start of the year then and the house sold within days in Feb. Our daughter wanted us to move closer to her, so we bought a nearby new-build, partly because there were so few properties for sale and partly because the development has all we need, with a garden centre and a pub just five minutes walk and a big Tesco 10 minutes walk, plus buses into town if we want to go further afield. It’s also near to the trunk road system but two minutes walk in the opposite direction takes you right into the countryside.

We had a five bed house before and have moved to a four bed house as we’ll have family coming to stay regularly. Our youngest also has her own room. I also plan a sewing room when we’ve emptied all the boxes!

It was a massive exercise to move but having seen older friends whose health has deteriorated suddenly and decisions taken out of their hands, it seemed the right time to do it. We’re not that old, 68 & 77, but I would not like to have conducted this move in ten years’ time.

If people feel it will suit them and that they will enjoy it, then go for it. It's certainly not for me. I like a mix of people and ages. We have small bungalows nearby for older people which I think works well as they are not excluded from the day to day hustle and bustle

Are these places not rather expensive 'glamorous ghettos' or a version of 'God's waiting room' for the elderly?

Personally I'd hate just seeing only other old people for most of the time. I enjoy meeting my neighbour with her little kids and chatting to the teenage girl across the street. I feel part of a mixed community.

I think going to a smaller place is a good idea though. More cosy, less expensive to heat and choose somewhere convenient for local walks and shops etc. I live in rather draughty Victorian house with quite a big garden that is somewhat 're-wilding' itself and I think a small modern flat would be much easier . But I'd need a bit of outside space.

We are all so different and if others like the idea of a village with similar aged people they should go for it!

MawtheMerrier

*Karmalady- that’s what I call”future-proofing” Such a good example ???

Ahhh Maw

I do think that many leave it too late and they downsize too much, without leaving enough room for what they really really want in their lives going forward. It is not a bad idea to move sideways, rather than calling it downsizing, which really does involve moving to a smaller property. Mine now is 300 sq feet smaller than the last, when there were two of us

I think that looking at your own square footage is a good start and then think about aspects such as do you want living room and kitchen connected or a separate kitchen which could contain a small table etc. Obviously these are all individual decisions but the `what if` should be faced as `what if I am left alone` which is an eventual fact of life for every couple

It is now a bad time to sell and buy due to market conditions but don`t waste time, look around to the areas that would suit you, if you could not drive. Talk to people who live there. See the shops and note if there is a good public toilet and how the area looks and the general ambience

Well I can afford max 2 bedroomed flat, my current house is 2 bedrooms, and my family has 4 children one with special needs so they'd never fit in either.

Mostly I go to see them and plans are afoot for the eldest girl to have some 1 2 1 time with me. Second bedroom would be a hobby room plus putting one/two up.

But its quite simple - when they come visit, my DiL is very clever getting a local off season Air bnb house or big flat. Sorted.

karmalady your opinions match mine, especially about the size of rooms and number of rooms. DH and I spend most of our day in our study, booklined with our computers. I use several of the bedrooms for sewing and DH has a garage full of tools. He will be demanding a screw driver and his dremel on his death bed because something in his bed needs fixing.

These retirement complexes just do not provide. I also want the bedrooms for family staying as they do not live near us. Guest rooms are all very well, but what when more people want them than there are bedrooms?

*Karmalady- that’s what I call”future-proofing” Such a good example ???

to add to my last post. I am 4`11 and 74

My inner push to move came from something that entered my brain in 2008. My husband had retired and started a photography business, he was commissioned by a large developer to take photos of a new build retirement complex, I think in Bath. I went with him to help with the equipment

First impression was lovely, a large atrium with lots of plants and seating and running water but the size of the apartments floored me. One very small bedroom, small bathroom, small living room with a tiny kitchen at the end. A space too small to be called a hall and one tiny storage cupboard. High price too

It affected me then, what could happen with old age, without enough forward planning. I believe that day governed my thinking and why I `escaped` from that lovely friendly village with people who cared enough to call and ask if I needed something. I am fit for my age and healthy and more active than many younger than me but they saw the wrinkles and did the right thing I suppose, in process feeling good about themselves.

I decided that I wanted 4 bedrooms as I have some lovely hobbies and one of these rooms is a dedicated sewing room. One is a calm and peaceful room for spinning and reading and gazing through the low window, over the rickety red roofs and old fashioned higgeldy back gardens, another is my guest bedroom with a whole wall of storage for my stash and equipment. The last is my main bedroom, a haven of tranquility. Total square footage is 1200 sq feet and I am in my element. Would have been totally stifled in a retirement complex

Now I can get out and about whenever I want, meet people if I want, go to the shops without a palaver, go cycling on one of my three bikes, just because I can because I have a garage to store and maintain them. Moving to my market town has had completely the desired affect on me and I have retained my independence

I made my move happen in good time. Age 70 and widowed then but still strong and able to settle myself in and owning the tools including a hammer drill and the ability to put up the mirrors, pictures, door curtain etc. Whatever your age, do that move in good time, preferably while there are still two of you

It depends on the Village.

At 88 my mum moved into a smallish one - only 76 units which was run privately and had a very family like atmosphere. There was no swimming pool, gym, bowls green (albeit a small lawn bowls area) or other glitz but as she said she would not have used them anyway. Her unit was detached and a little separate from others she also had a good size garden which suited her. She loved living there and it was her wish to die there, unfortunately after 6 years she had to go into care. The staff were fantastic and nothing was too much for them.
The issues came after a large organization bought them out and the family atmosphere disappeared and the corporation policies took over.

The age range was between 55 and over 100 and there were quite a lot of people who were still working and a range of interests.

She paid a monthly charge but that was no more than she would have paid out living in her own home. She could have odd jobs done, lawns mowed, some gardening and help when she needed it.

The exit fees are quite outrageous in many cases and they were not inconsiderable in our case but nowhere as much as many other places.

I would consider going into one but only if I was by myself.

Where we are the nearest public transport is a 30 minute walk away, hilly and it is a train which only goes to limited areas unless you want to go into the city, 35 km away. We are not well served with it and there are no buses so we depend on our ability to drive. We have a car each for that reason but perish the thought if either of us becomes unable to drive. Most villages, however, tend to also be away from buses and trains probably because tracts of land are cheaper out of town areas. They are in it to make money, not to help people.

Personally I couldn’t bear it I like mixing with young, middle age and kids etc it would drive me crackers to be in a little house, with lots of other old people around me
Younger people keep me alive

There aren't such things near me. We have mulled it over and decided we need to move to prepare for old age. However we don't want something smaller, just in a location near amenities, shops and public transport. We are out in the sticks. I love my house and garden but it makes sense to move. I will want less land though.

Keeping up a large garden. When the owner of the big house next to my small block of flats went into a home, a local person used it to grow vegetables and have chickens, at the end free of charge while keeping the area near the house tidy.

M0nica

I visited a number of retirement complexes when I was a Benefit Advisor with Age Concern (as was). I did not see one I wanted to move to, simply because they were so small and poky.

It would probably be cheaper to just buy a small flat or house close to the centre of any town and buy in any care you needed.

MY MiL bought into new flat conversion in a big Victorian house. There were four flats, owned by a young army officer, a teacher and civil servant. Age range from 25-69, and they all got on. My MiL would take parcels in during the day. if she needed help, they would lift something heavy, although we were very close at hand, but they contacted us when she suddenly became ill. In the last two years of her life she had more fun in her non-retirement flat, with her varied neighbours with family nearby and the community made up of the people in the four flats than she could ever have had in a retirement flat.

Presumably, they were "small and poky" by your then and now standard of living. Some people find it lonely in a younger "busy with family and work" community. I doubt it would matter if you were able and could afford to be out and about, but not everyone can.

Some older people are living with a level of dementia that they can cope with in a flat with some care available if needed. The sort of complex/village in the OP would be expensive. I know; a friend's mother lives in one. However, so is being in a single room in Care Home. At least you will have additional independence and privacy. Keeping as independent as you can is what most people want as they get older. In most cases, age comes with the need to decide what you can and will determine for yourself and what isn't so important to you.

If anyone decides to move to an independent living retirement flat, an extra care village or anything in between, I suggest you don't take a sense of superiority with you. It probably won't be what you have in common with others in your situation, but you may well find that other things are.

Good Luck annie61 - as I have a small house its the buy/lease sector. (If you are being made homeless, etc etc you'll get onto Age Concern etc as well as local Housing?)

Yes MOnica a very useful thread.

I'd rather think about it now when still got some Oomph but can totally understand people vv happy in house and area saying "stay as long as I can" and there are loads of other factors like family support or absence of to consider.

At the end of the day, everyones choices, preferences and finances are different. For some people a retirement flat - and you can rent as well as buy them - is ideal, but what ever decision you make it is sensible to really look around and start threads like this on GN, because you will get more opinions than there are people on GN.

karmalady

That is why I moved Yammy, from a lovely very friendly village. 3 buses a day, only going a few miles either direction. No shops or any other facility apart from a village hall. I have all the facilities now, it was a good move 3 1/2 years ago and I can still hear cows

I think you were very sensible karmalady. We have one bus a week and that is a request ,the post van comes once a week.Only a village hall.
I know people who have moved like you and think they are very sensible.
I would take my time and look for one like yours where I could hear the cows. My aunt did this and was completely independent, all she had was a wire around the skirting which rang a bell in the warden's house when touched. She continued to cook for herself and could book a table if she wished in the main centre. There was also separate accommodation for visiting relations. She was very happy and stayed for years.

Wyllow3

I'm trying to mull it over, but with a slightly different focus.

More a block of flats where its over 55's or over 60's, but in a normal community where things like more of the world going by, GP near, cafes, near my gym, near a shop without getting in a car etc.

My landlord is selling the house I live in, and because private rent is now so expensive, I'm hoping to live somewhere like this, rented from a housing association.

Thats really interesting MOnica I can learn from that. I did think of a conversion because those older houses are much better sound insulated. But in term so looking for a flat I hadn't thought of ringing local Age Concern and so forth to find options out. There seems to be a big division between social housing in the rented sector, which appear on lists and so on, and just trying to find the right place out of the blue! I dont want a "McCarthy and Stone" (never mid the cost!)

I visited a number of retirement complexes when I was a Benefit Advisor with Age Concern (as was). I did not see one I wanted to move to, simply because they were so small and poky.

It would probably be cheaper to just buy a small flat or house close to the centre of any town and buy in any care you needed.

MY MiL bought into new flat conversion in a big Victorian house. There were four flats, owned by a young army officer, a teacher and civil servant. Age range from 25-69, and they all got on. My MiL would take parcels in during the day. if she needed help, they would lift something heavy, although we were very close at hand, but they contacted us when she suddenly became ill. In the last two years of her life she had more fun in her non-retirement flat, with her varied neighbours with family nearby and the community made up of the people in the four flats than she could ever have had in a retirement flat.