Would you downsize to a retirement village ?

A friend's parents moved to a McCarthy & Stone-type development in their 80s and were very happy with the ground floor flat with a private patio which led onto the communal gardens. Dad is now widowed in his 90s and very glad to be where he is as he can go to the odd coffee morning, bridge game etc and doesn't feel alone or isolated. He's physically frail but independent and very mentally alert - so for him I'd say it was a wise decision 10 years ago.

In London there are a number of new very expensive developments of ultra-modern flats with balconies and on-site nursing/care facilities. They have floor to ceiling windows and I can see from the glimpses of old-fashioned wing-backed armchairs and 'brown' furniture that the residents have almost certainly sold a large town house and down-sized to a more manageable way to live.

Of course the above are only open to those with substantial funds; the London ones only to those with very substantial funds, one flat sold for over £2 million!

My Mum had that. she'd go on about "old ladies" when she was over 80 herself.
We are all mostly old ladies here or heading that way and it does seem strange to be lumped into stereotypes.

Good post M0nica. I can never understand why people feel they have to be so derogatory about other people's choices.

I know two people living in the villages described in the OP. One is a very elderly lady with dementia. Her son thought this would give her as much independence as possible. Also, she is close to where he lives. I don't think anyone on here was considering such circumstances. The other, a man, could not play golf any longer. He likes the sort of organising of his social life that the golf club provided, so the village, with its built-in social life suits him. They are horrendously expensive.

Otherwise, we are talking about flats. They vary as much as flats do anywhere. Such flats are not all full of bitter old ladies nor do all those living in them necessarily centre their social life around them. Some have no more shared facilities than an ordinary block of flats would. Some are small; others are larger. Certainly, they are not all one bedroom. Some couples use them as a pied à terre, with another house elsewhere, while others' social life goes on as it has always done. Some people like a shared lounge and guest suite so choose those.

Many are better for one than for two. There could be a reason for that! Whatever they are, they are the choices others have made and, even if too young at the moment, some being so rude about others' choices may find they want to make similar ones if circumstances change.

I do not think you can generalise about retirement 'villages'. In the UK we do not have the huge retirement complexes you get in the USA.

In the UK, mostly it is individual blocks of flats in or near town centres or supermarkets. Bigger developments do exist but usually in more rural areas and come with a development based minibus. Size of accommodation also varies, as does ownership.

There is a large development in a vilage near us. 100+ properties on a beautiful site, with village shop. However it is eye wateringly expensive, both to purchase a property there and maintenance charges etc. other smaller developments are owned by the local authorities, Housing Associations and charities.

I am not comfortable about how dismissive and at times just downright rude some people are about the people just like them who live in these developments. I can well understand not wanting to live in a community embracing just one age group, but to say To be surrounded by other old ladies would be my worst nightmare - and so unnatural! I like to keep active and have my grandchildren and pets running around. I expect the 'other old ladies' also like to keep active and have grandchildren and pets running round!

Personally, I wouldn't like to live in such a development, Most are new, or recent builds and I prefer old houses, the older the better. We have also been fortunate to always live in housess with large rooms and the room size in these developments, for me are far too small.

At sometime, we may well want to downsize, but to a similar sized property, but with a much smaller garden

The place I visited was set in beautiful, huge gardens, with pets milling around, too.

Sociable as I am it's my idea of hell :

I must have some garden even if it's just a bit of natural woodland with a bit of contrived planting .
I also like pets .
I'm hoping to have a small dog , which is manageable .
And a cat or two .

I like opera , classical music and jazz and play it loudly .

Perhaps I am lucky here in Sydney. Beautiful acres of grounds, lovely gardens, pool etc. I have a huge balcony too with views to the bush. We all have an emergency button. Fees are reasonable. Love it.

I'm posting through a video advert where someone is waving their arms around.

Duvetdiva many do, but many are, I think, typing these long screeds into phones at times when they are very upset, or are heavy users of Facebook, where para breaks are more than the usual 'new line' key (that drives me mad. I keep posting my contribution, when all i wanted was a new paragraph).

I could never put up with having people round me.
Problem is, the house and the garden are big, and now I am alone. I already split the house in two and rented haf, but it's still big and has memories tucked away in it. We moved here about 8 years before DH passed away as our house burnt down. So the memories are mostly illness, etc.
I am trying to decide between a camping car on a piece of land and a small isolated cottage. Then renting out the rest of the house.
But a big no for me for retirement flats. I would go stark raving mad, tbh.

What do you get for the £7099 per year CountessFosco ? Is that the rent ?
I have a relative who lives in an over 55’s village. She bought her home for over £300,000 , a park home with two bedrooms. Large permanent caravan and the monthly charges are over £200 and council tax monthly of £200 too. That’s £400 every month for a home that she has bought, it’s extremely expensive and she can’t have a pet not family to stay for long.

I've been living on the edge of an ex council estate for 22 years. It's very quiet and the neighbours range from 2 years old to 70+. Most of them have been here as long as I have. My son lives with me now with his little boy so the heavy lifting is taken care of. Suits me perfectly.

I wish Grans would use paragraphs and line spaces.

I’m sure some of the long one block posts are really interesting but they look too daunting for me to attempt to read

I like to be surrounded by a mix of people, young and old and the sound of children playing so it doesn't appeal to me, but I imagine there is a nice community spirit.

I downsized to a park home site for the over 50s a few years ago . When my partner & I moved in, we were both working full time & in good health, but within a couple of years he became disabled & died shortly after. We had bought an older model & we renovated it to a good standard,so minimal maintenance now, & my ground rent is very reasonable, newer ones are much more expensive. There are good facilities on site....bar, restaurant, indoor pool, shop.lots of clubs & classes to be involved in, or not.close proximity to transport, shops, etc My neighbours range from early 50s to late 90s, many still working, pets are allowed. I'm not much of a gardener, so a paved patio with pots suits me. I love it here, my grandsons can visit & stay whenever they want. Its very important to visit lots of places, and investigate ground rent/ maintenance charges & resale values. This site is in great demand & my home is worth a lot more than we paid for it, although a percentage of resale amount is payable to the site owners, I'm not going anywhere unless it's into care & my children can deal with that.

Oh the poor thing. That sounds horrible. I suppose there is no chance of her moving somewhere else ?

My mum moved into a retirement flat after always living in a house. She found it incredibly noisy with paper thin walls. Her neighbour put the washing machine on at 4.30 & liked to clean!
Even though she was paying for upkeep of the outside this was done so poorly (and causing damp) she ended up getting her own work done. She couldn’t even sit on her own little patio because of it & it was very cold.
Absolutely no community spirit , no facilities, the coop close by suddenly closed and she was stuck.
She’d have been better off in a bungalow, but no one builds affordable anymore.

Never! To be surrounded by other old ladies would be my worst nightmare - and so unnatural! I like to keep active and have my grandchildren and pets running around.

I moved into a retirement apartment a year ago and it suits me.
It’s warm, comfortable, secure. Not too small, plenty of space.
People here are friendly and you can mix or do your own thing, it’s your choice.
On the downside there is no garden ( but as I get older probably would find difficult to maintain).
Not for everyone I agree but due to circumstances beyond my control it was the only choice, not a bad one either.

I know that retirement apartments are not for everyone, but for my Mum they’ve been a godsend. After my Dad passed away, she was rattling around in a 4 bedroom house on the edge of a small town. She started to suffer falls, and as we were about half an hour’s drive away, it was a constant worry for us. My Mum has never been what I would describe as a social animal, but since she moved into her new apartment, she has made some really good friends. There’s always something happening there - she can choose to join in if she wants to. It’s not cheap, but it’s secure, she’s close to us and my sister, she has a personal alarm and there’s a communal lounge and garden. If she’d still been living at her previous house during the lockdowns, she could have gone for weeks without seeing anyone. As it turned out, the apartments became like one household and everyone looked out for each other. Until the ‘bubbles’ were introduced, we were unable to visit her. I’ve looked into similar apartments for us, but at the moment we still enjoy and are able to cope with our own garden. If circumstances change though, we’d consider them.

"Now it would be "How Brexshit was such a wonderful thing, how they were robbed and how marvelous Johnson was" That is my idea of hell"

what a gross idea of what everyone over a certain age living in some kind of retirement living is like. Do all of us lifelong leftie/liberals suddenly turn into such?

No, we carry on being as we are. I've chosen an area I'd like to move to, where there are mixtures of private homes, some flats for all ages, some social housing, some small retirement developments and a lively area. Near GP, shops, cafes etc. One local cafe has a "black lives matter" poster. My kind of area, and it's mixed. I couldn't afford a bungalow there, has to be a flat.

There are some cheap ones to avoid like plague having lived in one block in the past with poor soundproofing and badly managed. I have therefore learnt what NOT to do so it comes down to being very careful as to detail.

I agree it is a great post. Thanks Madeleine
I am not as sensible or as organised unfortunately.

Walking today with a df I realise I am too attached to this town to leave it.
It's not my house so much as my friends and the proximity of all my needs

what a lovely and helpful post Madeleine

My style is rather like Stephanie Cole in waiting for god, if you know it! I lived on the edge of the yorkshire dales and for 10 years I did 3 days a week as an ambulance car volunteer, driving patients to and from hospitals, all over the place. What you learnt from that is that you could be wealthy, be a good driver etc, but firstly, the bus service in the dales has been allowed to become very poor. So you really need a car to live up the dales. If you had something like a cataract, or a stroke or a sudden accident , you could suddenly be really dependent on other people, not be able to get around etc. I loved my garden on three levels, and it gave me great joy, and after my husband died I still enjoyed it . However , due to health problems I decided that I would find myself suitable ground floor flat, which would allow me to live my own life in my own way for longer than if I stayed up on top of the hill etc. So I was able to take my time and work out what was best and have moved to where there is bus services, a railway station and a hospital, library shops etc. It was very hard of course leaving my home of over 20 years and friends etc, but practically it has been the right thing to do, I still keep in touch with friends, still drive and do my own thing . If I had become ill and in hospital , I would have hated being told where I could live and someone else sorting out my personal things. So I have a small garden here but there are lovely trees around. I also chose to help in the Secret Garden at a local church. That is lovely, as if my back is ok , I can enjoy helping out and meeting other gardeners. If it is bad , other people will do it so am not totally responsible for it. Suits me. I always get the Yellow Book the National Garden Scheme book and go and visit gardens all over. The bathroom here is much easier to use than previous house, I am not responsible for the roof and outdoor maintenance so if I go away or the weather is awful I am not worrying about it. Have done quite a large amount of sorting stuff out , so saving my family effort when I die, but I am still the same independant, slightly stroppy opinionated person that I have always been and whilst of course I miss my old garden but I do feel in control of my life still and that is important to me. I pass the time of day with other people here and a couple have become friends but I dont feel overlooked or ghettoised at all . Today I was awake before 6am and in quite a lot of pain. Knew there was no chance of doing any jobs or much in here, and the weather was sunny , so got showered and dressed and put my coffee and local paper etc at the ready and then went off down to York to get something and then left york about 2.30pm and lovely drive in autumn colours with lovely radio 3 and got home a short while ago. Great; did what I want, when I want, no rules and regulations to make me do anything, other than the common politeness not to make a lot of noise early. A friend chose to leave her house and bought a bungalow nearby , where there is a bus service, but she drives still at the moment. As she says she has set her bungalow and garden to be easy to run and when she feels she cant keep that going she will move to be nearer her family, but right now we are both living independant lives and making our own choices , hopefully for a good few years before we need to think of moving. So I would make a list of pro s and cons and think what you wouldnt miss, or what is absolutely vital to you. I did a lot of research, made several visits to towns and villages that I had considered and if you dont live very close to possible places you are considering I would definitely recommend going to stay B@B for 4/5 days and walk and drive round at different times of day, check out traffic over the day, closeness to shops etc. Visit the library where they have lists of things like bridge clubs or choirs to see what is available. Definitely buy the local paper for the area you consider. I have always found that very worthwhile. You get to see all the local news, where there might be a new bypass or whatever, read the letters page to see what concerns there are locally and all the village news. It will all give you a well rounded sense of a place, and it doesnt matter where you decide to go in the end, all that research will help you make up your mind . Good luck with whatever you do ,and remember it is you that is going to live there, so it is worth listening to family and friends but in the end you need to choose what suits you.

I did look at the McCarthy Stone kind of place but I can't afford them. I now live in a small bungalow that belongs to my daughter and her husband. I pay them rent. I have a flat garden which is easy to manage. The only thing I miss is stairs. You need them to keep your heart ticking over well.

Overall it was the right decision even though it meant leaving a house I had lived in for 25+ years and moving 400 + miles. There comes a time when you have to decide one way or the other. It's never easy.