DH is driving me mad because I can’t get his normal coffee brand

“…is driving me mad” is a common enough phrase and in my experience never meant (or taken) literally.
A I said, too many people can’t see a without looking for the ⛈ in it!

Again, just depends how the 'complaint' is done. Caring for someone full time is just exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally. And as said above, the carer can also be put upon in many unpleasant, be it controlling ways. Carers also need to put limits- and not allow guilt to make accept just anything.

Just depends. Responses, as said above, were made relating to the OPs initial post.

Kalu Now that I have been told the OP is her DH’s carer, I fully understand her desire to source whatever treats bring him pleasure.

I agree. Most want to enable a loved ones happiness, imo.

Brilliant idea Redhead56 - if only I’d kept the package ?.

Kalu

I really don’t think it is appropriate to tell member's what they should write. My replies to the OP have been done with my take on what she has written.

I don't mind what people post at all, it's completely genuinely up to them.

I was just pointing out the consequences of framing a question in a certain way. I.e. unless you want comments on your relationship, better not to bring them in, as you say, we respond to what is there.

Hithere

Solution- get the old packaging of the coffee he likes, pour inside the new one you have

If he says anything- Tesco changed providers of his favourite coffee

Strange, you want him to learn emotional skills but then suggest his wife lies to him! How would you suggest he then regulates his lack of trust? [confused

I really don’t think it is appropriate to tell member's what they should write. My replies to the OP have been done with my take on what she has written.

Look, the simplest way to have asked the question was to simply ask on appropriate forum, "anyone found a replacement for xxxx coffee, found it so good".

But instead the O/P was wholly framed in terms of a relationship
and that invites us to respond to that and that's what has happened, is all.

Hithere

Solution- get the old packaging of the coffee he likes, pour inside the new one you have

If he says anything- Tesco changed providers of his favourite coffee

Oh, what a good idea! Lie to your DH and treat him like an ignorant fool….unbelievable!

Now that I have been told the OP is her DH’s carer, I fully understand her desire to source whatever treats bring him pleasure.

midgey

The original poster hasn’t reappeared….can’t say I blame her! She asked a fairly simple question…..

It would have been qite quick and simple to return and qualify the 'driving her mad' with a touch of humour, in response to those of us who were concerned. My comments would have been the same if OP was male, so nothing to do with feminism.

Control begins with small things often. I hope all is well, that coffee found, and OH's grumps over and done with.

I recycle pods in the Nespresso bags. They are picked up by Nespresso from my door!

The older I get the more of a feminist I become .

I hope that DH is a nice considerate man and this quest for the right coffee isn't the norm .

My father has driven me insane over his food requests - it has to be the right pasta then the right biscuits Gone are the three day food searches .

One day
, he wants fish then having got that he wants roast beef then he doesn't .

I threw out a fruitcake then he wanted it back .

Now the answer is an emphatic and firm NO .

This is what you asked for and I'm not going shopping again .

Solution- get the old packaging of the coffee he likes, pour inside the new one you have

If he says anything- Tesco changed providers of his favourite coffee

It is no excuse to behave like a toddler and throw a tantrum making the carer's life even more difficult

That is a huge assumption. As far as I recall the OP never mentioned that sort of behaviour.

Luckygirl3

Gosh - living alone is deeply sad and I hate it - but I do not have to deal with these sort of unreasonable demands!!

Exactly my thoughts. My partner, who was imo perfect, died just over a year ago.
I could never find anyone near to his qualities, so I will stay alone with my dogs and cats.
If I went shopping for even my beloved partner, if they aren't happy, well, the answer, seeing a lack of appreciation, would always be the same : DIY!
Doesn't he like tea?
It's the thing I miss most in France, good English tea.
Coffee 100% arabica is the same even if the label changes. They buy bulk but there are other marks that buy the same coffee.
DIY is much more practical, and in the long run, a lesson learned...

Good post maw.

Uncalled for
Gr8Dame never said her husband had tantrums or acted like a stroppy toddler.
We don't know if a person has dementia, had a stroke or some other cognitive disorder

Absolutely!
Yet again some posters have added 2+2 and made 99.
This tendency to go from 0-60 in as many words undermines the sensible and understanding responses to many dilemmas posted on GN.
LTB/coercive control/dementia? He just doesn’t like the coffee - and it appears the problem (if such it is) has been solved anyway.
I deplore this tendency some people have to be unable to see a without creating a storm in it!

Blossoming

Gr8dame has mentioned in previous posts on GN that she is her husband’s full time carer. It may seem trivial to dome of us, but for a person who is ill, disabled or housebound it can be a very big deal indeed. It’s horrible when you feel that you are not in control of your own life and can’t have things you like.

Thank you for this. I was not aware.

Hithere

Yes, it is frustrating for a disabled person not to have what makes him/her happy

It is no excuse to behave like a toddler and throw a tantrum making the carer's life even more difficult

If the personal needs to learn skills for emotional regulation, so be it

Uncalled for.
Gr8Dame* never said her husband had tantrums or acted like a stroppy toddler.

We don't know if a person has dementia, had a stroke or some other cognitive disorder.

I cared for my DM and yes, it could be frustrating if she suddenly remembered she'd meant to ask me to buy her something when I'd just returned from a shopping trip. From being a gentle, kind, capable woman, she did start to fret about things and might ask the same things more than once.

It's called caring for someone.

midgey

The original poster hasn’t reappeared….can’t say I blame her! She asked a fairly simple question…..

Yes, only to find she could be in an abusive marriage!.

I remembered to take the Tesco French inspired dark roast Arabica coffee -strong coffee (number 5 in a pink pack of 10) out of my Tesco shopping basket before I just put the order through so there is at least one packet left in this area!

Now, anyone know why are Yeo Valley yogurts are unavailable in packs of four?

The original poster hasn’t reappeared….can’t say I blame her! She asked a fairly simple question…..

Yes, it is frustrating for a disabled person not to have what makes him/her happy

It is no excuse to behave like a toddler and throw a tantrum making the carer's life even more difficult

If the personal needs to learn skills for emotional regulation, so be it

Blossoming

Gr8dame has mentioned in previous posts on GN that she is her husband’s full time carer. It may seem trivial to dome of us, but for a person who is ill, disabled or housebound it can be a very big deal indeed. It’s horrible when you feel that you are not in control of your own life and can’t have things you like.

That can also be very wearing if you are the carer and every time you try to do something, the cared for chunter on about something that seems trivial to you in the scheme of things.

*some of us

Gr8dame has mentioned in previous posts on GN that she is her husband’s full time carer. It may seem trivial to dome of us, but for a person who is ill, disabled or housebound it can be a very big deal indeed. It’s horrible when you feel that you are not in control of your own life and can’t have things you like.