Mothers at home matter

karmalady

It affected my pension too but so be it, it was my choice to be home while the children were young

Not really true karmalady. Women who had the luxury of being a stay at home mother, had extra NI credits added to their pension. Others like me whose husband was not a great earner and have always worked to top up the family income, paid a 'small stamp' for a few years (as we needed every penny) therefore get a much smaller pension than the SAHMs - how is that fair? At least we paid something and still managed to run a household and raise our children and yet the SAHMs were rewarded for not working during their child rearing years.

I support the ideas of a parent being able to stay at home and raise their kids. I think that the person caring for children plays a vital role in shaping their characters. We were quite poor because I was at home but I never regretted it.

My younger daughter has a 2 year old who goes to a very good childminder but she would prefer to spend more time at home with her, if it was possible. However, it isn't economically viable, even allowing for the fact that the childcare costs would go down. They simply couldn't pay their bills if they had to live on her partner's wages. A huge chunk of their income goes on rent, for a very ordinary house, and it's a much bigger percentage than we had to pay on our mortgage.

Luckygirl3

I was a SAHM for 5 years, but I managed not to devote myself to housework. I'm all for a bit of mess - I certainly did not dash around tidying up after my children.

I agree, SAH doesn't mean sitting on your backside or doing endless housework!

Well let’s give big hand to those who say the wouldn’t have had children if there had been a financial imperative to work ! Your maternal yearnings kept well in check. Good thinking! Some of us got dumped on by husbands who wanted their wives to be THEIR mothers and refused to contribute to their own children and kept most of their money to themselves. Had I known this I would have had children with someone else but I would still have had children. However, I had to work ... the children needed to be supported . Their father was then absent, free and easy , back to his s bachelor days. Did my children suffer? Well, one is a doctor, the other a social worker with a nice side line as an illustrator, both married , own substantial homes and have children of their own. I think there is a lot of snobbish nonsense spoken about stay at home mums. Yummy mummies comes to mind or women who couldn’t get into university for one reason or another. Silly. Very silly but , HEY, if it makes you feel better....

I was a SAHM for 5 years, but I managed not to devote myself to housework. I'm all for a bit of mess - I certainly did not dash around tidying up after my children.

growstuff

Callistemon21

Housework was tedious and pretty brain frying but not raising children

I agree.

Anyway, housework etc still has to be done whether you are working or not working outside the home unless you can earn enough to pay a cleaner.

Or you can organise things, so children help with housework.

Well, yes, you can when you are a SAHM too.

Children can help by doing chores.
But the majority of the housework falls on the shoulders of the adults.

PS. My mother was born in 1931 and her mother was never a SAHM. She owned a sweet shop, gave piano lessons and had all sorts of side hustles, such as selling eggs, which my mother helped with.

Nan0

I was a stay at home mum, but it was is a farm , so always doing farm stuff b&b and paying guests.I.was definitely exploited by working mums who would organise play dates where I had kids in school holidays and after school where the element of reciprocity was unbalanced ,I look back now and think I should have said no .

That was definitely working NanO!

A farmer's work is never done.

Callistemon21

^Housework was tedious and pretty brain frying but not raising children^

I agree.

Anyway, housework etc still has to be done whether you are working or not working outside the home unless you can earn enough to pay a cleaner.

Or you can organise things, so children help with housework.

I worked full-time when my children were small, apart from six month maternity leaves. They both went to nursery full time from the age of six months. They've turned into well-balanced, intelligent, happy, caring adults too.

I really object to posts which imply that I somehow failed them because I wasn't at home throughout their childhood.

I sometimes think that people forget that being a SAHM has only happened since the end of WW2. Before that, working class women usually worked, often taking in work such as laundry or sewing. If the worked outside the home as servants or shop assistants, they usually left the children to be cared for by neighbours, relatives or older siblings. Wealthier women had housekeepers and nannies. It can't have been all bad because the human race has somehow thrived.

With my three I've done a balancing act. Being disabled is hard work but I firmly believe that no one can care for or look after my children better than I do. I had them to be with them, to teach them, and watch them grow into the people they are. There is a need for social development from a young age too. Mine stayed with me and we went to baby groups-toddler groups until age two. They then went to preschool for three hours a day, so that they had a good balance of social interaction with and without me and we're also used to a classroom environment ready for school.
I think they are well-rounded individuals who know I'm there for them anytime to help.
This doesn't mean it is one size fits all. In today's society, two working adults are needed to pay the bills. Women taking the time of work are vulnerable financially and rely on the working partner for that duration and are overlooked for promotion due to child care if the child is ill or holiday care can't be found. Paying for childcare is an astronomical expense.

I was a stay at home mum, but it was is a farm , so always doing farm stuff b&b and paying guests.I.was definitely exploited by working mums who would organise play dates where I had kids in school holidays and after school where the element of reciprocity was unbalanced ,I look back now and think I should have said no .

Being lower paid than my DIL my son gave up work to be a SAH Dad when they had my GC, now at school he has gone back to work full time. He did a really good job of it and I'm proud of him.

Housework was tedious and pretty brain frying but not raising children

I agree.

Anyway, housework etc still has to be done whether you are working or not working outside the home unless you can earn enough to pay a cleaner.

tedious and fries the brain - lots of jobs do that
Housework was tedious and pretty brain frying but not raising children, what is more, interesting than supporting a child's development and their early education. I'd never have wanted to be a teacher but supporting my own children in their development and interests is a wholly different matter
Going on to flexible part-time work as they got older meant I was there to look after them during the holidays and after school, some of their friends were left at far too young an age to fend for themselves and often had those along too. With a husband who worked long hours [by choice] childcare would have been extremely expensive, we'd have needed another car, and I'd not have kept costs down as easily if I'd been working full time. the long hours meant that starting a side hustle would have been very hard, I'd have liked to have done that, but I found a job I loved and which fitted into family life and meant as time went on I could support my parents in their old age. I was able to fit in volunteering around it too, which benefits society, and study
There are a thousand and one jobs that are mind-numbingly tedious and brain frying, I know I did some of them during the vacations while at uni.

There were no nurseries when my older two were small, no family nearby, DH was often away so I was a SAHM for a few years.
I enjoyed it.

Glorianny

Callistemon21

Glorianny

I was born in 1945 and because my mother was ill I went to a day nursery just before my third birthday. It was free and my dad took me on his way to work and picked me up on his way home. There was more nursery provision at the end of WW2 than at any time since. Funny how the government could find the money when they wanted women to work.

I remember going to nursery, it was attached to the local infants' school. We didn't start school until the September after we were 5.
My mother was working part-time so I went to nursery two or three days a week, I think.

I remember having a daily nap on a camp bed. Or trying to!

I remember those Callistemon and the blanket they covered you up with. It was dark grey and quite rough and it made my legs itch. I can remember trying to pull my dress over my knees so it didn't touch me.

Oh yes, those grey blankets!
I remember having a nose bleed at nursery and the teacher put a cold key down my back!

I stayed at home until my DC were 6 or 7. Worked at home then part time work.
Don't regret it as it went well

In the 50's some state schools had nurseries attached others were stand alone state nurseries. DH went to nursery and can remember being put to sleep on a truck bed. I had to line up in the september before I was 5 and they counted how many they could take and if you were unlucky you went home and were counted the next term.
Most women that I knew did part time work when their last child had gone to school. My own mother worked full time and my father and gran did the child care until she got in.
I think our grans just like the grans today were more than willing to help with child care.They had got a taste of working during the wars liked the independence it gave them and the extra cash for the family.

My nursery was a huge room inside the primary part of the school. I’ll never forget those little beds and a big coal fire in the winter.

Callistemon21

Glorianny

I was born in 1945 and because my mother was ill I went to a day nursery just before my third birthday. It was free and my dad took me on his way to work and picked me up on his way home. There was more nursery provision at the end of WW2 than at any time since. Funny how the government could find the money when they wanted women to work.

I remember going to nursery, it was attached to the local infants' school. We didn't start school until the September after we were 5.
My mother was working part-time so I went to nursery two or three days a week, I think.

I remember having a daily nap on a camp bed. Or trying to!

I remember those Callistemon and the blanket they covered you up with. It was dark grey and quite rough and it made my legs itch. I can remember trying to pull my dress over my knees so it didn't touch me.

I worked, my husband worked. We were a team. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be ? It’s the way I’ve brought my family up nobody kowtows, it’s a partnership and that’s the way it is. My daughter is as independent as brothers and I believe her brothers are as enlightened.
I have gone back in my volunteering years to childcare as I do not find it brain frying at all, I love being with them….

I was born in 1943. For most of my childhood I had a working mother and was one in my turn. My maternal grandmother also worked, although as a professional dressmaker she worked from home and so one through countless generations.

I believe the saying-"It takes a village."
No one should be made to feel that their choice is wrong. What suits one may be impossible for another. The only thing that matters is that children feel loved and cared for.

Glorianny

I was born in 1945 and because my mother was ill I went to a day nursery just before my third birthday. It was free and my dad took me on his way to work and picked me up on his way home. There was more nursery provision at the end of WW2 than at any time since. Funny how the government could find the money when they wanted women to work.

I remember going to nursery, it was attached to the local infants' school. We didn't start school until the September after we were 5.
My mother was working part-time so I went to nursery two or three days a week, I think.

I remember having a daily nap on a camp bed. Or trying to!