Mothers at home matter

Smug, sexist, middle class article.
Children have two parents, and if one is absent there is often little choice.

No,I am not, I am suggesting ‘ only a mother can nurture a child, I am suggesting that it is preferable to be initially nurtured by the family that has choosen to have said child.

Goodbyetoallthat

Surely "a good thing for society" would be for there to be more choice for parents which would need to involve more child friendly working options & affordable childcare.
The thought of staying at home " to mould my children's personalities" makes me shudder.

Good post.

Grandparents play a huge roll in childrens upbringing, whether it’s hands on or even FaceTime.

Let’s them know their roots.

Mothers and father arent perfect, all knowing people, children need a range of people to 'mould' them and teach them. We learn different skills etc from different people.

Bridgeit

How about ‘nurturing our children’?
But there again how would some be nurtured( read as indoctrinated, neglected , pressurised etc

Are you suggesting that only a mother can nurture a child?

How about ‘nurturing our children’?
But there again how would some be nurtured( read as indoctrinated, neglected , pressurised etc

So rather other people ‘mould ‘ them ?
Uhhh we are all ‘moulded’ one way or another .

Surely "a good thing for society" would be for there to be more choice for parents which would need to involve more child friendly working options & affordable childcare.
The thought of staying at home " to mould my children's personalities" makes me shudder.

So many cliches in this discussion. 'farming children out on other people to bring up'. When you talk to mothers, even now, it is remarkable how little childcare they actually have, even now, because it is so expensive. In my day because it didn't exist, Some children had grandparents near by, but most didn't. Many of us worked part time and fitted our work around our children.

DS, now in his 50s, only recently realised that tthe reason he did all the sports courses he did in the school holidays was because the Leisure centre was very close to my office, so while he did swimming, gymnastics etc. I nipped into the office and did a couple of hours work

Similarly, the myth that all SAHMs were devoted to their children and domestic goddesses. I knew quite a number, who were anything but, farming their children out on anyone who would take them, while they went off socialising.

I am with those who say that everyone makes decisions based on their circumstances and personalities. When I look around at friends and families, whether they were SAHM parents or had both parents working, now with their children grown up and outcomes have very little to do with whether they had SAHM or not and much more to do with other aspects of the family or just the personality the chld was born with.

I had the best of both worlds, stay at home mum for 11 years until the youngest was 7. Never idle, always interacting with the children, taking them out on picnics and making everything, clothes, furnishings cakes whatever I could to help spin the one salary

Then back to work p/t while the children settled to a new routine. F/t in another 3 years. Juggling was never easy, neither was keeping up to scratch with my uni education, needed for my work

As a SAH working mum for 4 years, then a going out to work GOTW mum I found the one of the hardest aspects was the disrespect shown by some out of each group towards the other.
The sanctimonious GOTW mums criticised the SAHM 1 of the worst criticisms was, “you’re letting your brain wither and wasting your degree”
The sanctimonious SAHM accused GOTW mums of neglecting their children, putting their own needs first and having children they couldn’t be bothered to look after.

Going back to teach was hard. Things had moved on a lot IN 4 years and keeping up with changes is not the same as actually implementing them. Then there was the whole issue of homework, housework, and fitting in all the other things that had been easier as a SAHM.
Some parents have no choice and some do but it’s not up to others to criticise those choices, whether they’re enforced or not.

Annajay not sure whether your comment was sarcastic or not. But essentially I am no such thing, and do not pretend to be. I have been incredibly fortunate in my life, but also had the same trials and tribulations as everyone else.

As a medic I couldn't take too much time off work or I would have become out of date and lost my confidence. We were fortunate to have 5 children. We only had one childcare arrangement. We had a brilliant part time nanny who lived out but covered all my part time hours. She knew I had to go to work and she very rarely had a day off. She worked with us for about 11 years. It would have been a waste of my uni education not to use my training. I felt I was extremely fortunate to combine the joys of motherhood with a medical career. I did work very hard juggling it all.No regrets.

Luckygirl3

It is all about balance really and the government providing support to parents whatever choices they might make about how they choose to parent; whether one parent should be at home for a bit, or both work and use child care. If one chooses to be the stay and home parent, they should be protected.

The balance has shifted - when I was a child a mother who chose to work was frowned upon as reneging on her duties; now a SAHM is seen as neglecting her career and being self-indulgent.

We need to respect and protect both choices.

My mum always worked, and had a very interesting job- in the 50s and onwards. She looked fabulous, she had her own car, and all my friends who had sahm envied me and thought she was amazing, interesting, glamorous. She didn't care a hoot what others thought. It gave us the kids huge confidence and made us very responsible and self-reliant. I will never thank her enough.

Iam64 This debate about happy, wonderful sahm v selfish working mothers always follows the same tedious path. Someone will say if they couldn’t afford to live on their husbands salary, they’d never have had children. Then, someone would post all the domestic/child related stuff they did as a sahm. A working mum responds with, I did all that as well as working full time. At this point, I long to quote Ginger, who did all that Fred Astaire did, but in high heels whilst dancing backwards

Quite interesting, thank you.

Never have I heard criticism of sahm v working mum, except here at GN. Seems mums should want to get along, be happy having choices.

It is all about balance really and the government providing support to parents whatever choices they might make about how they choose to parent; whether one parent should be at home for a bit, or both work and use child care. If one chooses to be the stay and home parent, they should be protected.

The balance has shifted - when I was a child a mother who chose to work was frowned upon as reneging on her duties; now a SAHM is seen as neglecting her career and being self-indulgent.

We need to respect and protect both choices.

We are all different! And that has to be respected. I do believe I was a good mother, still am. But I was not a great housewife, and coffee mornings just did not 'do it' for me. After 8 years at home, I needed to go forwards, widen my horizon- and I truly believe my children benefited from this hugely.

This debate about happy, wonderful sahm v selfish working mothers always follows the same tedious path. Someone will say if they couldn’t afford to live on their husbands salary, they’d never have had children. Then, someone would post all the domestic/child related stuff they did as a sahm. A working mum responds with, I did all that as well as working full time. At this point, I long to quote Ginger, who died all thst Gred Astaire did, but in high heels whilst dancing backwards

I was a sahm in the 70’s a full time working mum in the 80’s onwards. I learned the hard way what it’s like when you marriage breaks down and yiu have no paid employment. I determined never again to be in that situation, ie financially dependent, with no pension pot building.

I’m all for choice. I do find the smug/judgemental attitudes of some sahm mums hard to take

growstuff

You sound like a fantastic employer GrannyGravy.

I can be a grumpy old bag some days.

We moved premises when our youngest was 4 months old, DH was picking up the next two age wise from school and they stayed at work till he was ready to leave, which is how the mess room came about.

It was a no brainer to keep it as our children grew up and our employees needed childcare at the last minute.

We cannot have toddlers for H & S reasons, but as long as they can play independently (usually on computers) it’s fine.

sounds like a kind of eugenicist position; only the affluent should breed, to build up the right kind of stock.
these views used to be respectable over a century ago, less so now.
in mos circles.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

I'm still trying to come to terms with this.

Basically it is saying that if you don't have enough money to stay at home with your children, you shouldn't have any. Which implies that only the wealthy should have the privilege of raising a family!

There's a nursery on the other side of my garden wall - having watched the children at play during break-times during the summer - running around together - laughing, happy, squealing with delight, hugging each other, inventing little games, etc... I'd say that 'farming' them out is quite a positive experience!

paddyann54

Gosh NORAH Who do you think did all those things for us working mothers? On top of our jobs and hobbies etc .
I started a business with my OH just months after we married ...I was 21 he was 20 .When our daughter was born I took her to work with me at 8 DAYS old.
My OH worked much longer hours so all household things were my job too as were the books..hated doing VAT usually at midnight the day before it was due
.I cant understand why any woman would see her husband who she says she loves doing 2 or 3 jobs while she either swans around playing "mummy" or sits on her bum .Not how to teach your children about equality is it!!
My 2 children are fantastic adults ,great parents and we are all very close ... As are our GC who I went part time to let their mothers go back to work ..but part time still meant books and ad campaigns and a lot more.
Woman are more than mothers ,children aren't hard work ...not as far as I',m concerned .They were a joy and a delight ...bt not my whole life .

I was answering Franbern: Do wonder what the stay-at-home Mums, so lauded in this article, actually do when the children are at school.

I don't believe I said others didn't do the things I did, I said what I did whilst the children were with me or in school.

I also never said I "swan" around, nor have I read anyone else say that she "plays mummy and sits on her bum".

You did what you did, fine by me. I have my list of what I did too.

I answered a question to the best of my recollection. Though I'm still not sure why it's unacceptable to sahm.

grannygravy that's so great.

I'm lucky working in a school, I can work around mine and in an emergency I can have my older children come in with me

M0nica truly you are a god amongst women!

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

You have got to be the most judgemental ( and irritating) poster on GN that i have come across....always got some to say....very rarely anything pleasant ?.... I would never have afforded children if I hadn't worked....I had 3 ....worked a combination of full and part time ...worked my way up in my job...took my nhs pension at 55 ....no regrets ....now enjoying my Grandchildren at 57 .....my children were looked after by a combination of family and nursery.... neither of which ' moulded their personalities' ?