Mothers at home matter

You sound like a fantastic employer GrannyGravy.

VioletSky

We need more child friendly jobs.

If parents want to keep their careers they shouldn't be frowned on

If women want to stay home they should be able to

Same for men.

Or some sort of shared setup where neither has to work so many hours they can't have time together

Raising the next generation matters

We have a kitchen/dining/sitting room in our offices/ warehouse.

During school holidays/after school it’s not unusual to have employees children there. Doing homework or playing computer games, absolutely no problem.

We need more child friendly jobs.

If parents want to keep their careers they shouldn't be frowned on

If women want to stay home they should be able to

Same for men.

Or some sort of shared setup where neither has to work so many hours they can't have time together

Raising the next generation matters

Gosh NORAH Who do you think did all those things for us working mothers? On top of our jobs and hobbies etc .
I started a business with my OH just months after we married ...I was 21 he was 20 .When our daughter was born I took her to work with me at 8 DAYS old.
My OH worked much longer hours so all household things were my job too as were the books..hated doing VAT usually at midnight the day before it was due
.I cant understand why any woman would see her husband who she says she loves doing 2 or 3 jobs while she either swans around playing "mummy" or sits on her bum .Not how to teach your children about equality is it!!
My 2 children are fantastic adults ,great parents and we are all very close ... As are our GC who I went part time to let their mothers go back to work ..but part time still meant books and ad campaigns and a lot more.
Woman are more than mothers ,children aren't hard work ...not as far as I',m concerned .They were a joy and a delight ...bt not my whole life .

That’s such a lovely sentiment grandma 70. Really lovely to read and know that your children grew up with s living parent

Parents do a great job in general.

If Mum wants to stay home, well done to her, the same if it’s Dad that stays home. They should be able to transfer their tax allowance to the working parent.

Most of all I believe in choice and being able to do what is right for your family, we are all different with different needs and different circumstances.

Still the little put downs I was never ‘bored stiff’, because I have an interests.^active mind, imagination and many interests

I to have an active mind, imagination and many interests., they just weren't domestic. they were academic and I was fortunate enough to also have an interesting and varied professional life. And as I said, I thrived on the tension that juggling everything caused.
'
After I returned to work, my sister commented that the 'old M0nica' had returned and she saw this as something to be glad of.

Sago

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

Wow!

I am astonished, at such an unpleasant judgemental post.

You were very fortunate to stay at home with your children and “mould” their personalities.

I had to “farm mine out” .

Wow, that was indeed quite a nasty post.

What about dads? Don't they have a role to play too. And then we wonder why there is such a huge financial gap and still a massive glass ceiling out there.

I stayed at home until both were at primary school. I was handicapped because of a terrible accident, and OH worked VERY long and irregular hours. So there was no choice, However, I childminded for a local university lecturer, who had a toddler same age as mine. Then went on to Uni for 4 years full time, and on to teach full time.

I am glad I was able to spend for few years with them until I went to school, but they did not need me to stay at home until they went to Uni! They did not need me to clean up after them all the time ... they learnt to help, be responsible, and so much more. They often mention how it really helped them later. My mother also always worked since I was at primary school- and her having a busy professional life was a real + for myself and my brothers. I shall always be grateful.

After 8 years at hoe as a ftm- I was ready to do more, have a busy, interesting, professional life, interaction with colleagues, etc. I have NO regrets and find this thread so judgemental and Victorian. You can be a great mother, and not be at their beck and call 24/7!

Blondiescot

I - perhaps naively - thought we had got past the time when we had to justify ourselves as mothers, whether that was a conscious decision to be a stay-at-home mum or a 'working' mum (and yes, I know all mums work!).
I chose to return to work full time when both of my children were three months old, and I don't regret that one bit. My children were better off with a mother who was happy doing a job she loved than stuck at home frustrated, miserable and getting irritated with them. Why can't we just lift each other up and support all mums, however they choose to make things work for them?

Well said Blondiescot I fully endorse what you say.
We should be backing each other in whatever we choose to do.
Some women have had to and still do work to support a husband in furthering his career or with balancing the family books. My husband didn't work until his mid 20's because of further education he had a lot of catching up to do with the men who had worked from 16. My Delia Smiths frugal food book fell to pieces with use.

People who elect to be stay at home mothers are often seen as contributing to the family rather than the wider community. Unless they are self employed or have a side hustle they dont directly "earn" any money. Therefore they dont pay taxes and contribute directly as employed people do.

What a sexist and chauvinist view- it seems like the father of the children just donates the last name and sperm and he is good to go?

As for farming the kids "for other to raise" - that is what fathers do and they do not get the judgement the mothers get

True, Growstuff. My dd would have loved to stay at home for longer than her allowed maternity leave for her babies - luckily it was relatively generous - but knew it’d be very hard for her to return at anything like the same level if she stayed at home much longer. And her salary is needed to help pay the mortgage - they live in a relatively expensive area.

Several of her friends have felt similarly, and have admitted to feeling somewhat envious of women who don’t have to make that choice, because their husbands’ salaries will cover all the bills.

It would seem that staying at home with your children has become something of a luxury* unaffordable for many women nowadays, and IMO a lot of that is down to rocketing house prices.

*Though women whose earnings wouldn’t begin to cover the crazy costs of childcare don’t have much choice anyway.

Blondiescot ?????

I - perhaps naively - thought we had got past the time when we had to justify ourselves as mothers, whether that was a conscious decision to be a stay-at-home mum or a 'working' mum (and yes, I know all mums work!).
I chose to return to work full time when both of my children were three months old, and I don't regret that one bit. My children were better off with a mother who was happy doing a job she loved than stuck at home frustrated, miserable and getting irritated with them. Why can't we just lift each other up and support all mums, however they choose to make things work for them?

I don’t think having a working mother is necessarily damaging to children, so don’t assume we all think that, but I’m very glad I could stay at home with mine. I was never ‘bored stiff’, because I have an active mind, imagination and many interests. I think work was actually more limiting!

I suffered from a difficult medical condition throughout my chidhood and in and out of hospital. My mother worked. The only time I can ever remember wanting her and she wasn't there, was on a day she was not working and had gone out to do some shopping.

I had the same experience. The only day I was wanted and inaccessible, I wasn't working, but had gone to collect my non-driving PiL for a half term visit. The usual procedure was that I would work from home on days my children were out of school, plus DH and I shared caring duties and we both took time off as necessary to look after the children. We even fitted DH's tonsillectomy round half term. His company had private insurance for its employees and we made sure the last week of his convalescence coincided with half term.

Why I should feel the need to justify all this I do not know, it is not as if the stay-at -homes are producing any evidence to suggest that having a working mother is damaging to children.

I will reiterate, each of us makes our own decisions based on our circumstances and personalities. I would have been a far worse parent if I hadn't had the tension of juggling home and work. Bored stiff, depressed and with no financial independence. My grandmother and great grandmother were widowed in their 30s with young children, in one case pregnant), and had to work to support their families. My mother came very close to joining them im WW2, where my father survived only because the bomb that fell on the building he was in was a dud and failed to explode. Whether divorce or death (and DH also found himself in one or two life/death situations). Except for 5 years, when I was breeding or looking after very young children I was in a position where I was already in work and had the capacity to support myself and my children in modest comfort if the worse came to the worse. When DH was made redundant, we were very glad of my income.

Sago

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

Wow!

I am astonished, at such an unpleasant judgemental post.

You were very fortunate to stay at home with your children and “mould” their personalities.

I had to “farm mine out” .

I really meant to say as well, I fully back Sago's post. Mine were never 'farmed out"child care was carefully chosen. Viewing things in that light many mothers are glad to" farm their children out to teachers." What did you do whilst they were all at school?

Jaxjacky

The trouble is Espee people’s circumstances change, often after they’ve had children.

You took the words right out of my mouth!

I had six years out of teaching when the children were small.
I went back when the youngest started school. It was no picnic either at home or work. After doing a full-time job when I got in and coping with the guilt. Organising child care to take them to and from school. I did have the benefit of school holidays.
At work, I had to start again on the bottom rung . My DH had a job that had late hours and weekend commitments.
My first car was courtesy of my MIL remarrying and giving us some money which enabled me to go to work.
I see what my family have done and do not believe you can compare a working mum versus a stay at home.
You make your choice for what benefits your family and circumstances and no one has the right to say that either is right or wrong and judged you.

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

Wow!

I am astonished, at such an unpleasant judgemental post.

You were very fortunate to stay at home with your children and “mould” their personalities.

I had to “farm mine out” .

Norah

M0nica

Norah only if they want it that way. I had 2 children and did almost all the jobs on your list and worked part time, except, possibly, look after younger children. I had 2 children in quick succession and when one started school the other started at nursery.

I also had a DH, whose job took him away from home a lot. He came home halfway through the week I went back to work and asked me how things were going. My 6 year old son looked at me and said to me 'Oh, have you been to work, although he knew all about it, he had quite forgotten and not noticed anything different to remind him.

M0nica That worked for you and yours. Wouldn't have worked for me and mine. Our childrens births were spread over 20 years.

Yet again everyone is different. Some prefer less money and sahm.

I agree with the sensible article.

It's not just about less money. It's about women not fulfilling their potential outside the home.

PS. I became a single mother when my children were 8 and 3. I did everything on your list Norah, as well as working full-time.

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

Sometimes though, that "imperative" becomes a necessity through circumstances outside of the control of the mother.

Sickness, injury or death, for example, can alter the best laid plans. Not everyone has the money to put aside for such events. Perhaps we should tell them not to have children and encourage only the wealthy to breed?

It’s just as well that my mother didn’t go out to work. I was ill a great deal as a child and teenager, and I don’t think we could have managed without someone at home. Being a parent doesn’t stop the moment the children go to school.

M0nica

Norah only if they want it that way. I had 2 children and did almost all the jobs on your list and worked part time, except, possibly, look after younger children. I had 2 children in quick succession and when one started school the other started at nursery.

I also had a DH, whose job took him away from home a lot. He came home halfway through the week I went back to work and asked me how things were going. My 6 year old son looked at me and said to me 'Oh, have you been to work, although he knew all about it, he had quite forgotten and not noticed anything different to remind him.

M0nica That worked for you and yours. Wouldn't have worked for me and mine. Our childrens births were spread over 20 years.

Yet again everyone is different. Some prefer less money and sahm.

I agree with the sensible article.

Like Baggs and Luckygirl, this has been a hobby horse of mine for many years. So many parents think ‘learning’ can only be done in a nursery environment or similar, and the value, both developmentally and socially, of early years at home is grossly undervalued.
I attended an early years conference where one of the presentations was about the link between dementia and children being evacuated during the war. Everyone was unanimous that separating the children from their parents was the wrong thing, and I was almost lynched for asking if perhaps sending children to nursery almost from birth could also be seen as damaging in years to come.
Well, I only asked!