Mothers at home matter

I’m all for what works for the parents if they have the luxury of choice. Choice for both to work or one to stay at home (and it should be an option for men too). Choice in childcare arrangements if both parents go back to work - there are some excellent nurseries but often you need a certain level of income to afford them before the free 30 hours a week starts.

Norah only if they want it that way. I had 2 children and did almost all the jobs on your list and worked part time, except, possibly, look after younger children. I had 2 children in quick succession and when one started school the other started at nursery.

I also had a DH, whose job took him away from home a lot. He came home halfway through the week I went back to work and asked me how things were going. My 6 year old son looked at me and said to me 'Oh, have you been to work, although he knew all about it, he had quite forgotten and not noticed anything different to remind him.

I totally agree with your last sentence Monica. In an ideal world, everybody would have choice, and remaining at home with your children or going out to work would be equally valued. I have to say though, that none of the young mums I know wanted to remain at home full time, although they maximised their maternity leave they have all wanted to return to work, some part time, after that.

I was a stay at home mum for nine years until they were 5,7 and 9. I did a little child minding and secretarial work when the youngest was at playgroup. As soon as the youngest started school I started part time paid work, finishing in time to pick him up from school. In the meantime OH worked overseas a lot, missing birthdays, parent’s evenings etc. Fast forward a lot of years and elder son will not take a job if he is going to miss a lot of family time. He has been offered overseas work without his family, but turned it down. He doesn’t want a repeat of his childhood where his dad missed such a lot. Actually, I’ve spoken to OH about this and he admits he would not have done any different! I imagine he’s not the only one.

Franbern Do wonder what the stay-at-home Mums, so lauded in this article, actually do when the children are at school.

They drive their children (and others) to school and activities, cook, clean, do laundry, iron, mend, sew, help in their childrens schools, buy groceries, garden, help with homework, look after younger children - as all 4 don't begin schooling at once. And some begin all the childminding again, after their children marry and have children. Never ending.

I dislike the holier than thou attitude of those who were stay at home mothers. DH and I are coming up to 80, we both had working mothers, they were teachers and my mother was also an office worker in her later years. On my mother's side, she had a working mother and so did my grandmother and great grandmother, which is as far back as I can trace my family. In turn I was a working mother as is my DDiL now.

The reasons they all worked were different. Poverty, combined with being left a widow with young children, and for the last three generations women with active minds who, however much they loved and cared for their children, found full time childcare was like intellectually going round with the blinds half down.

I cannot see anyway how the families of these 5 generations of working mothers suffered from the supposed lack of care and attention that the stay at home mothers assume.

We started off as Irish immigrants driven out of Ireland by the Great Famine, my grandmother, widowed in WW1, got her daughters into grammar school and they both went on, one to become a nurse and eventually director of a school of nursing and the other an office worker, a teacher and head teacher. And so it has been for each generation since. The family has been close through all these generations and remains so, we have managed to avoid children dropping out, having addictions or any of the other disasters that are currently meant to trouble such families.

I make no judgments. We all make the decisions that are forced on us by circumstances, or made by choice.

Interesting that this article kept on emphasising the role of The Mother. Hardly mentioned the Father. There are now an increasing number of Dads who stay at home looking after children whilst Mum goes to work. Many reasons for this. Often harder for these men as there are fewer opportunities for them to join parent groups, etc.

If a parent wishes to be a stay at home parent, then that is fine. But many women and men do not want this. One of my daughters tried it for nine months after the birth of her third - hated it!!!

Part -time working is far better for many.

Also..... there is still this idea that a stay at home parent is most important in the earlyyears. I would dispute this.

Young children can be well looked after by a group of people, grandparents, parents, nursery school, etc. etc. As long as there is a definite agreed pattern.

The time when it is good or a parent to be at home when the child is, is the teenage years!!! This is when they will suddenly demand attention, and if it is put off then you may miss the opportunity to find out what is concerning them, etc.

Again, this can be sorted out with a good mixture of part-time and selected hours of working. Working parents can be excellent role models for children, Do wonder what the stay-at-home Mums, so lauded in this article, actually do when the children are at school.

Thanks growstuff. Yes its not in many cases a gender pay gap its a mother pay gap.

Indeed - I have been banging on about this for some time too, but for many reasons it is not popular.

All the Mums who have to work to make ends meet feel uncomfortable about the suggestion that mothers being at home might be a good thing - they are understandably trying to convince themselves otherwise; and all those Mums who are trying to climb the greasy career pole do not want to hear that the choice they have made might not be best for their children.

I took 5 years out to look after my children when they were small then went back to work part time. When I returned, I used my time out of the workplace as a positive, citing the transferable skills from parenting.

The idea that we support child care so parents can return to work is fine; but we ought also to be supporting parents to make the choice to be at home with their children. That too is valuable work. It is all very one-sided at the moment.

I was a full-time mother, and I loved every minute (well, nearly every minute). It never really occurred to me to do anything else. No doubt we’d have been richer if I’d earned -I’d had a good job - but we’d also have been a lot more stressed and harassed.

As it happened, my husband died (cancer) when the children were nine and six. Our good insurance made sure I could still stay at home and give stability to the children’s lives. They have grown up happy and successful. I have lots of interests, so I ever felt held back by domesticity.

No regrets at all.

Norah

Galaxy

I think its 1 in 3 marriages that end in divorce, if that's the case as a stay at home mum you are vulnerable.

Vulnerable to what?

Divorced persons settle and perhaps go to work outside home.

Either person of the couple. Everyone is vulnerable to divorce.

Stay at home mothers lose years of work experience at a critical time in their careers. Statistics show that men and women have similar earnings until their late twenties, when many women give up full-time work for a family. As a group, they never make up for lost ground.

And I agree with Glorianny, about both sexes, the article doesnt seem to include men in the raising of children.

Because you havent got work experience etc to get a job outside the home. You will be much more financially vulnerable than someone who kept working. You will be less likely to have gained promotion etc and the options open to you will be less well paid. I worked part time when my children were young it has without a doubt impacted the money I earned decades later.

Oops divorced at 55

Stay at home mum, 4 kids, not alot of pension coming my way, still working at 68, yes you do become vulnerable

Galaxy

I think its 1 in 3 marriages that end in divorce, if that's the case as a stay at home mum you are vulnerable.

Vulnerable to what?

Divorced persons settle and perhaps go to work outside home.

Either person of the couple. Everyone is vulnerable to divorce.

I think its 1 in 3 marriages that end in divorce, if that's the case as a stay at home mum you are vulnerable.

kittylester

Brilliant baggs! Thank you! You won't have ever had an argument from me.

Indeed.

Certainly no argument on this topic!

Galaxy

It's frequently a disaster for women of course and makes them very vulnerable.

I would argue with your sweeping statement and use of the word 'frequently'.

Jackiest crossed posts- great minds etc.

I have one main disagreement with this article and that is the role of parenting should be considered not necessarily of just the mother. I have no doubt there are fathers who if asked would like to work less hours and spend more time caring for their children, why should it only be the mother who has the option.? To my mind the ideal solution is two parents who only need to work a certain number of hours each and together earn enough to maintain their lifestyle and who both have time with their children. Of course there will be families where only one parent wants to provide childcare and that would be fine. But extending the option only to mothers isn't acceptable.

There also the cases where the father would like to stay at home and look after the children and the mother wishes to work. These may be few but the changes should not be one sided.

Baggs

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

I felt the same, espee, about wanting to bring up my children myself if only because I and their father were the ones who cared the most about what they were taught, especially in their early years.

Re your second point though, bringing up one's own kids is work and that's what people have been ignoring for too long just because it is technically unpaid.

I, too, stayed home, worked raising our children.

My husband worked extra hours, second jobs, weekends (whatever it took) for a few years until his main job was enough financially.

It's frequently a disaster for women of course and makes them very vulnerable.

Brilliant baggs! Thank you! You won't have ever had an argument from me.