People doing hours of community service

^ I am a kind gentle person. I am dismayed at the responses . I hoped for support really and empathy . Regret my post to a group who I felt might understand.^

Mariella can you not see the contradictions in what you have written? You say you are 'a kind gentle person', and 'hoped for support and empathy' but post an OP that is anything but and then get upset when other people point this out and say they do not share your views.

I know it is uncomfortable when other people fail to share your high estimation of yourself, but have the resolution and courage to think about why people have said these things that shock you and learn from them, then you may actually become a kind and gentle person.

mariella22 you sound very pompous and stuck up, not wanting to work with people who are doing community service, or as you put it "in that circle", you might as well have looked down your nose and said "those sort of people", you have no idea why they got that sentence, a young woman living locally got communty service....the reason, she lost her job during covid and stole food to feed her children, she is a single parent with no family and was to embarrassed to tell anyone. the man who got the 100 hours for killing someone will have nightmares for the rest of his life, he will never be able to forgive himself, it was a tragic accident and sending him to prison would not have helped anyone. maybe you are just not suited to work in a charity shop and should look for some other way to give back to the community.

The thing is, why would anybody not want to talk to anybody working alongside you, whatever the reason they are there. The sentence is doing the unpaid community work, not being sent to Coventry. I'm sure being included in the team is more beneficial for them than being ostracised.

Well Mariella you asked the question what do you think and most of the answers you got were that people on the whole thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to happen with people who have accidentally cause harm or those that have committed a minor offence
But because the answer don’t agree you call us pompous (I m not actually sure who you called pompous though)
We can all make mistakes and on the scale of things the people sent to charity shops haven’t committed terrible crimes

Monica

I'm confused by the original post.Were you worried unsavoury people might find where you live in the small community?
Did you think the staff were unfriendly to the back room workers?

People do community work in our local woods doing ground work. If they didn’t do the local volunteers would have more work on their hands. The council stopped funding the work years ago so at least the work is being done.
It’s a shame you feel you must leave your little volunteering job. The person who told you don’t have to talk to him was in in the wrong.

mariella22

How pompous ..have you been in that position i wonder . I am a kind gentle person . I am dismayed at the responses . I hoped for support really and empathy . Regret my post to a group who I felt might understand . Sadder and wiser .

Mariella If you are a kind and gentle person, have you no compassion for how this young man must feel? Perhaps he too is kind and gentle, not a rampaging killer who deliberately took a life, and he will regret the woman's death for the rest of his life? That would be taken into acount in his sentencing.
You "would say hello and be friendly but the manager told me ..you don't have to speak to them. I was puzzled then was told they are doing community service ." The manager is not a good manager of people, however efficiently the shop is run. That young man's community service was not meant to isolate him from the world, it was imposed because prison was not thought suitable for either the offence or the individual. He must have been shattered by the result of a moment's mistake in securing his lwad, and to then be ostracised - repeatedly, because his community service wasn't just one hour sorting stuff in the charity back room - by you and the manager!

I think you need to find out what the definition of pompous actually is before you start throwing at people Mariella.

It means feeling or showing that you think you are better or more important than other people, I feel that applies more to you and your ‘holier than thou’ attitude to people doing community service.

You come across as far from gentle and kind.

Prison is the 'reward' for deliberately doing something wrong. A moments carelessness is not a deliberate deed.

My sister was killed, when in a very complicated and difficult road situation a lorry driver failed to notice one element - the cyclist - and knocked her off her bike and she hit her head on the kerb and died. I would have been absolutely horrified if he had even been prosecuted. Both my children had just passed their driving tests and my father (and my sister's) response was - there but for the grace of God, go all of us - all drivers have been momentarily in situations where we have made a careless mistake, for most of us no harm is done, but very occasionally the result is fatal.

I would always be quite happy to work with those on compulsory community service. The response of those around them could affect their future lives for good and ill, shunning them, can only be to their disadvantage.

Mariella22 Not really clear what you think we are supposed to understand and unsure of what support and empathy you are looking for?

mariella22

How pompous ..have you been in that position i wonder . I am a kind gentle person . I am dismayed at the responses . I hoped for support really and empathy . Regret my post to a group who I felt might understand . Sadder and wiser .

Why post a question if you are only going to insult those who reply?

I am greatly "dismayed" by your attitude and by the way you posted about the poor man involved in the accident. MerylStreep posted factual details. You posted an opinion. You seem to expect everyone else to treat your opinion as if it is fact and have huffily replied when it wasn't.

Repeating this is boring but I will none the less. You can hold an opinion. No one can stop you doing that. You can voice (or post) that opinion. In which case you must be prepared for others to disagree. While being "entitled" to your own opinion you are not entitled to your own facts.

We have a large cemetery near by and every year there are people working there doing their community service. Many old and damaged headstones have been restored that perhaps wouldn't have been, and awards have been won due to the restoration project.

We always say 'hello' if we pass close by and they often ask if they can stroke our dogs.

"I am not clear whether the OP left because she did not want to be in the circle of charity workers who shunned those on community service, or because she did not want to be with the community service workers themselves. Perhaps she would like to clarify."

Luckygirl13, the way I read it the OP left because she didn't feel it was right for someone to do 100 hours community service for killing a young person that was clearly a dreadful accident. I do find that to be a very judgmental and uncharitable attitude.

On the contrary mariella22, it is you who is pompous.

Seems like I have read it incorrectly ... I thought it was because you were friendly told you don't have to speak to them ... I would still speak to them ... why change ... also we are not here to judge ... everyone whatever it maybe are allowed one mistake in our lives, if not quite a few ... are you perfect ... I am certainly not ... how do people get back on the straight and narrow if we all shun them ? Kindness goes a long way & does help , although maybe not always

This isn’t how it is in our shop at all
I work in a charity shop that also has ‘payback’ volunteers They are always treated in exactly the same way as the normal staff we aren’t told what they have done wrong although a lot of them do tell us, normally it’s traffic offences driving without insurance, speeding etc etc They do a certain amount of hours usually 100 + and some like it so much they carry on as volunteers after their time is paid back
There is absolutely no way anyone with a criminal background would be put in this sort of situation
We have had one who never bothered turning up ….his loss

I did have a little sympathy for you Mariella, some people would not feel comfortable around people on community service. It would not bother me.
I think your replies are coming across defensive as alot if posters do not agree with you.
I also think the attitude of your fellow worker stinks, why would you not say hello?

Gosh - do not think I have ever seen a thread quite like this!!
Perhaps you might like to clarify the reason for leaving OP.

I was a social worker for 25 years or more and if I had shunned those with whom I disagreed or who had done wrong there would have been no point in my going in in the mornings.

We all have a shared humanity - we have all done wrong things in one degree or another.

if you feel like that don't volunteer there
community service is for a reason and giving back of part of the process

How pompous

So we are talking of an act of carelessness that had very unfortunate consequences, and you do not want to work in a shop with this person. Why? .... just why? Any one of us could make a mistake that had a tragic outcome, especially those of us who drive. There but for the grace of god ...........

I cannot believe that a charity shop would shun fellow humans beings who are paying their debt to society - what kind of inhuman charity is this?

I remember that people on community service used to mow and clear the churchyard and some people in the village - and indeed in the church - would not speak to them. Unbelievable.

I am not clear whether the OP left because she did not want to be in the circle of charity workers who shunned those on community service, or because she did not want to be with the community service workers themselves. Perhaps she would like to clarify.

I think all people are equal. We are given different opportunities and upbringings which means some folk are very fortunate and others are less so. Please Mariella try and get to know these folk you are wary of and you will see the beauty in their personalities and hopefully gain some understanding of their more troubled lives.

Of course, it's entirely your choice if you want to avoid certain people, but you are missing out on so much.
It's such a shame.

I suggest you don't work with people as you have no idea what their pasts are either.

The man in the lorry must feel dreadful and has to live with the results of that accident forever, I think that is punishment enough.

So sad to hear your reply..