Gransnet influence

What I don't understand is, how do U3A groups move forward and progress if they are unwelcoming in the first place? Surely newcomers bring new ideas and vitality, or is that not what is wanted?
I'm sitting here on August Bank Holiday trying to decide --last opportunity whether to be available for supply cover next year, or whether to join groups and societies. At least my foot is already in the door with the former.

My U3A has a lot of different groups. I enjoy other people's company and having a topic in common to discuss. I am curious about people and why they come to an event or class. I worked in the area where my U3A is so occasionally I meet ex colleagues. We have a large membership. I belong to the family history group and after several years membership presented a presentation on how I was organising the material I collected so as to write the person's story. In another group on current affairs after I had been to a free conference on the topic I did a presentation on leveling up. I go to creative writing but do not do the home work. That is accepted. I attend other groups. I try to remember a persons name in each group and something they have expressed an interest in and then refer to that on the next occasion. We only meet once a month. I think I'm lucky that the membership is large and this gives lots of opportunities to meet different people. I do not expect close relationships just friendly acquaintances. Each group has a 20 minute tea break and I make sure I talk to someone and hear their news. or comment on the topic. When we have speakers I talk to them after their presentation. Some of them have very interesting life histories. I try to make sure that I speak positively when I converse with other people. I make sure I spend time listening to others. I am fortunate in that I have not had an experience of feeling that I am an outsider.

I was curious what U3A is. There is no U3A in the US (I checked) but supposedly equivalent organization(s) here fall under “lifelong learning institutes” which have chapters based within university systems and offer opportunities for older adults to learn in areas of languages, engineering, marketing, business management, digital technology and much more.

Geared towards people who want to further their careers or just learn things that eluded them in their earlier schooling, careers, or life. You must register and be a member; classes coincide with actual university school year and are held on campus.

What I’ve read over the past year about the pros and cons of U3A by GN’ers themselves it sounds like a more loosey-goosey consortium. You must be a member but the strength and success of each chapter is anchored by how good and inclusive the chapter leader is.

There’s nothing more anti-mission of U3A than poor leadership (in some cases) where new members find a wall of silence and cliqueiness. Some leaders just want all that power and practice exclusion on their terms, perhaps carving out a friends network for themselves. That’s so sad. That happens everywhere.

Surely there are (mostly) well managed chapters. Finding one that fits your needs is the journey.
USA Gundy

I was a MU member when we lived in Liverpool. Very friendly and a mixed age group with some young mums like me and some obviously Grans.
When we moved I went to a meeting in our new area . . . mostly Grans, and unwelcoming ones at that. A few younger mums who were welcoming but chatting was mostly about things they were doing as young mums and two ladies about my age.
I lasted about 3 meetings, but the three of us have continued to be friends for coffee, walks and meet-ups.

All I can say is - Strewth. Nasty people and especially nasty considering they are supposed to be ‘Christian’.

Many years ago , when I had my first child, I decided to join the local church in the village where we then lived. I might as well have been invisible until someone found out that I was a teacher and then I was accepted and invited to lots of church clubs and activities. What a lot of snobs they were and how unkind to anyone who didn’t fit their criteria of respectable, narrow minded village life. Even the vicar confided to me that he thought his congregation were the most uncharitable and unchristian he’d ever come across. Young Wives Club, Flower Arranging, Knitting and Crochet Club ? No thanks !

I've joined a few U3A groups in the past. One was welcoming enough but full of people who had had quite high up jobs and/or been to university [I hadn't] and no one had been a one parent family as I had. So I felt I didn't quite 'fit'. They would arrange to meet outside the group for coffee or something else and obviously leave me out [even though I'd been going for months], discussing it when I was in the room! That confirmed it to me.

Going to another group I was shouted at for sitting in someone's regular seat [I had no idea] and got bad looks from others. It was so childish. I experienced a couple of cliques too, very uncomfortable for a new comer.

I did meet some nice people though and persevered for a while until one moved away and another died suddenly, another became very unwell. My experience of U3A hasn't been the best. A lot of members were, dare I say, a bit snobby.

Being on here though and reading how other people see life and feel about issues, hearing about their experiences and knowledge has been reassuring. It's good to know I'm not the only one with similar views and experiences and that's been valuable to me.

I like Probus here. We have a lot of subgroups including one on ancestry which I have started and we have such a lot of laughs. Lots of dine outs and visits to places of interest as well as longer stays in various country areas and occasionally overseas ( not that often since Covid ). My husband goes to a music group with U3A and that is really popular,too. I also belong to Red Hats with is women only but we have a great deal of fun, we have been together as a group since 2005.

When you go to a U3a meeting just assume that everyone is new. Walk up to anyone on their own and start a conversation eg “Hi, I am new here. Could you recommend any groups? That should get you started on a conversation. When I joined I just approached someone in the car park and asked if they could help me find the way in. That worked.

I looked into joining a local U3A.......was able to access their website and read a few copies of Newsletters where they were promoting forthcoming events. All they seem to do is plan party nights and get pissed up.......NO THANKS!

I agree totally with learning how other people view things, we can all get set in our ways and our opinions and I often have a rethink about my own point of view after reading those of others - don't mean I always change my viewpoint but maybe become a little more open minded.
Haven't tried U3A but have tried two other local groups
and as has been said people have their own little jobs and cliques and haven't seemed open to newcomers whatever is said on their websites.

Our U3A is a lovely welcoming one. I belong to lots of the groups and have only stopped going to one because it felt a bit awkward.
At our monthly meeting , comittee members wear a sash and ask new or shy people to approach them for information or introduction to others.
Do persevere. Can you go along with a friend?

Found this with U3A for seniors
Tried it but very clique
Not my cup on tea !

No, it wasn’t that. There was no greeting or introduction. Anyway, it was several years ago now. It’s just that the meeting I went to last week had the same vibes: people that had known each other for a long time that didn’t go out of their way to make a new member feel welcome. I might go to another meeting, perhaps a history group or something that is a mixture of men and women to see if there’s a different dynamic.

MayBee70

Us newbies did walk together expecting the other members to chat to us but they didn’t. I don’t understand it because I’m actually very shy and it’s because of that that I make a point of including people.

Could it be that the others thought you and the other new members all knew each other and were getting on fine, or even excluding them?

I find most people answer when spoken to, but are often as hesitant as I about initiating a conversation with a person they don't know.

Shy or not, someone has to start the conversation and a pleasant remark about the weather or surroundings might just get the ball rolling.

Joseann

I might try again in the autumn Callistemon once back from holiday.
Perhaps they're all half asleep in this neck of the woods.

Not all groups here meet in August, Joseann

I might try again in the autumn Callistemon once back from holiday.
Perhaps they're all half asleep in this neck of the woods.

Gransnet can make you think outside the box!

U3A here is thriving but I can't remember how or when I first joined. I've only once been to a monthly meeting, prefer the group settings. One group I go to is very informative, educational and quite friendly. Another is a craft group and very lively and friendly.

Sometimes it's not easy to find convenors for groups and some are more efficient than others, Joseann. Do you know anyone who goes already? Could you go along with them at first?
If not, try another group.

I think I just turned up the first time but I did vaguely know the group leader and she was very welcoming.

This is such a shame. At our U3A, newcomers are especially welcome. At the beginning of the season, newcomers are always warmly greeted, and we are all reminded to talk and include newbies.

That sounds good, but how to get through the door in the first place?!!

I've not had any luck with U3A. Grrr! I emailed the local U3A to be put in touch with a particular group, but the person responded saying they were away and would reply soon. Fair enough. Nearly six weeks went by, I think they were busy or forgot, so I emailed again and was given details. I contacted the actual course organiser and received very clear strict rules about the group! 😲 I replied saying it sounded ideal, and could I join? No jolly reply!
Their loss! To be honest, I think many gransnetters on here would have been more welcoming.
Sometimes, sorry to say, I understand why older people wouldn't survive long in the workforce.

MayBee70

Us newbies did walk together expecting the other members to chat to us but they didn’t. I don’t understand it because I’m actually very shy and it’s because of that that I make a point of including people.

This is such a shame. At our U3A, newcomers are especially welcome. At the beginning of the season, newcomers are always warmly greeted, and we are all reminded to talk and include newbies.

If I were you, I would talk to the volunteer organisers, and tell them that you and your group felt unwelcomed. It is essential they know, so they can take steps to put it right.

I joined U3A before lockdown to learn Spanish again. I studied it at grammar school but that was a long time ago.

It started with about 12 of us and I was probably one of the younger ones. They were all pretty set in their ways even as to which course books we should use. The ones they decided on were so expensive and had poor reviews but I found secondhand copy on Ebay everso cheap.

Even sorting out a venue and suitable day to meet was a faff. One woman who we all bent over backwards to accommodate with her choice of day came to 2 meetings and then decided to go to Spain for 2 months! When she came back she was miles behind us all and our tutor had to keep going back over stuff for her benefit which slowed us all down.

Meetings were held at a couple of the women’s homes and as the weeks passed they seemed to spend more time showing off their new sofa/ paintwork/family photos which I was not interested in as I wanted to get on with Spanish.

My Mum then deteriorated and needed more help so I stopped going. I see one of the women quite often and just 4 of them still go.

Gundy

LRavenscroft…
Well said! I stumbled across GransNet quite by accident - and to my pleasure I look into it everyday (although I receive it two days after initial post), by then many pages of responses are there to read.

No, we are not alone - there are many people like ourselves who share the same viewpoints. It’s very interesting to read opposing opinions whether you are my neighbor, in my city, state or different country. In that sense we’re all the same.

It gets heated - yes, but this site is not a contest to see how many people “liked” or “viewed” what you write (like Facebook). GN does monitor for content which is good, yet liberal enough for freedom of speech.

Not sure what U3A is but I pickup that it’s an all-in-one educational/networking/social outlet for women to become more expansive in their freedom, knowledge, new contacts, volunteer opportunities, etc.

There is something for everyone in this world! You just have to get up, get dressed, put on lipstick and get out of the house.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Hi Gundy.. U3A also has lots of events online..I don't know whether you could access them from abroad as you need to be a member but perhaps it is possible to join from abroad.

I go to my local U3A and just attend the subjects that interest me.. it can be a bit cliquey but that is outweighed by the interesting speakers on the whole.. I'm also going to try scottish dancing in Sept, so I think that'll be impossible not to be friendly.. we'll probablybe laughing too much

I am outgoing and confident and don't have a problem with new people. Some years ago my DH asked me to go along with him to a transport modelling club.
He assured me other wives went so I joined him. I was made to feel unwanted straight away the wives all had their own little jobs tea making etc. I offered my help and I went a few times but it didn't improve so I gave up. Ok I was younger than them but my DH was younger than their husbands too. Some people are just rigid and don't like change or new faces. It's a shame really if you share a common interest hobby etc but personalities clash.

Us newbies did walk together expecting the other members to chat to us but they didn’t. I don’t understand it because I’m actually very shy and it’s because of that that I make a point of including people.