Dealing with the "other" grandmother during divorce

Perhaps when the divorce is settled she may reappear. I do hope so for the children’s sake.

They are so heartbroken and angry, I am not sure they will warm to her if she does try to "come back". They are teenage (16, 19 and 21) girls.

I’m sorry for this but you will need to hold your tongue, in order that your comments do not disrupt a delicate situation.

My daughter divorced and received a long text from the MIL which upset her. Luckily Granny was desperate NOT to lose her grandchildren.

As time has passed the relationship has settled into mutual agreement. I hope it all works out for your GC.

Sharp words help no one in this situation.

I have found that it is best not to try to fathom what the other grandmother is doing. So far she has fallen out with me without even speaking to me and refused to go to events if I was there. Whilst I agreed to take a back seat so the grandchildren could have her at events or come along after she had left, she kept mucking them around so my SIL put his foot down and told her to grow up. Over the years it has been quite obvious that she has been prepared to undermine my DD and SIL, will not fit into plans and cut off from the girls several times. I'm afraid that the girls will have to make their own decisions about their relationship with her. I get angry on their behalf but keep my lip firmly buttoned.

Please step back and let both spouses deal with it.

Be there for your dd and gc, they have a lot to process.

Be Switzerland

well the grandchildren are as good as grown up so able to contact there grandmother if they want on their own.

Thank you all for confirming what my brain knows to do - butt out and hope for the best. If my heart would just shut up!

Oh Grannie314 so many other grannies have the opposite situation - no contact with loved grandchildren because of divorce. Its sad the "other" GP have withdrawn, but we never can really know what went on to bring this about due to the dynamics of the divorce.

for example - supposing it was you ex SiL intervened and insisted? Unknown to your DD?

You're right..hang on in there, talk to the grandchildren as if they are a reality, but that there has been hurt and give it time, etc etc if they ask xx

I do have a great relationship with all three - they talk to me about everything, so I'll just be there for them and bite my tongue when they talk about the other grandmother. And, as it turns out the whole family of my ex SIL has not reached out to them - it's like their family is divorcing them.

Wyllow3, you made me think - the SIL may be telling them things that are not true - causing them to withdraw at least for now. How sad is that.

I would say it's almost certain that your son in law is putting his own slant on things.

He isn't going to make himself look bad.

Best to hold your tongue, though.

That was at the back of my mind. x