Saying sorry

OnwardandUpward

Sometimes people are not "sorry", they are sorry they got caught!

Sorry in it's proper place, genuinely meant and accompanied by a change of behaviour, can work. I doubt it many of us would still be married if it were not so.

And its in marriages and close loved ones where it perhaps matters most!

NotSpaghetti

I am happy to say sorry if I've done wrong in some way - obviously it can be a bit hard to do sometimes but I feel it's a necessary part of growing and learning.

Maybe because of this I'm always happy to accept apologies.
If they sound a bit "thin" I do tend to say how upset/dissapointed/hurt I was according to the situation but I also like to give people a "get out" - so I may say "I know it probably wasn't your intention and I know you won't do it again" or similar.

I think being able to say sorry is very important. After all, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.
If we make it too hard for people to apologise, there will be no change and everyone loses.

I think this a very good comment.We all make mistakes and are human after all. Giving and receiving an apology oils the wheels of society and should be accepted graciously not grudgingly and given in the same manner.

Sometimes people are not "sorry", they are sorry they got caught!

Sorry in it's proper place, genuinely meant and accompanied by a change of behaviour, can work. I doubt it many of us would still be married if it were not so.

Sorry is an empty word by itself

Team dh

But there are situations where the damage is so great you cannot accept whichever version you get that's very true Wyllow; sad but true.

Blossoming

I accept them, but I still have a mental reservation. Trust is not always regained.

This, in a nutshell. All very well to say it, but prove you mean it...

JaneJudge

it depends whether it is sincere
I dislike the new 'sorry you feel that way' stuff as it isn't an apology at all

Totally agree.

I would point out the difference to DH between

a clearly heartfelt apology they are sorry they did or said such and such.

and " I'm sorry IF I upset you"

But there are situations where the damage is so great you cant accept whichever version you get.

but to never accept an apology is to me a sad view of us human beings who inevitably do hurt or say or do the wrong thing and CAN feel remorse or wish to put things right.

It rules out feelings like forgiveness and "things put right" or "attempted to put right".

Also puts a ? over whether DH can himself say sorry - leaving one in confusion as to whether one was mistaken about a hurt.

I would say sorry and mean it and try not to repeat it.
These days people say it without thinking and then I wait and see if their actions show they really are. When I worked I was a bit of a doubting Thomas when sorry was said in a glib way by a colleague.
My father always said," Actions speak louder than words", I think this applies to sorry as well.

Words need to be supported by actions don't they, that's when you know when someone is genuinely sorry.

At school, my friend had a saying "Sorry should be meant from the bottom of your heart, not the tip of your tongue." Very true...

I did something similar today in a shop notgran. Another woman and I were waiting for someone else to pass through a tightly packed aisle. The other woman went in front of me then immediately stopped, blocking the aisle again. So I brushed past her. I heard her behind me, say "Excuse you" so I replied "You deliberately blocked me in." I was fuming. If she hadn't seen me, fair enough, but we stood waiting together.

kircubbin2000

A man said sorry to me this morning after his family blocked the footpath chatting and I couldn't get past. The family still didn't move!

If that happens to me, in the theatre, on a train, in the street and people are so rude and don't move, I simply walk/push past and tread on their feet. As you can probably tell it has happened to me and treading on their feet as you have to squeeze past them is very satisfying.

It’s a bit strange not accepting an apology and assuming it’s just words. Well of course it’s words, how else can you acknowledge doing something to upset someone else? Keep apologising and keep doing the thing, that’s a different matter. I’m not against the I’m sorry you feel that way, wording. It depends on the situation as you may not agree that what someone did was wrong. This at least acknowledges that we are all different.

LRavenscroft

JaneJudge

it depends whether it is sincere
I dislike the new 'sorry you feel that way' stuff as it isn't an apology at all

Yes, I agree. I read somewhere that it was anything but.

I've had that non-apology given to me, too. It's quite infuriating.

I replied with, 'Yes, I'm sorry, too - sorry that you behaved that way in the first place'.

When I'm grocery shopping something very strange always happens. I'll be wandering up the aisle with my trolley, looking up at the shelves and deciding what to buy. Then suddenly I'll hear a voice behind me saying 'Sorry'. I'll turn around and someone would be standing behind me. We hadn't touched, nor had our trolleys touched, but for some reason they had apologised for standing behind me. I never understood why, but people in supermarkets always say "Sorry" as they walk past me or stand near me. Has anyone else had this, does anyone do this, and can anyone tell me why?

JaneJudge

it depends whether it is sincere
I dislike the new 'sorry you feel that way' stuff as it isn't an apology at all

Exactly. My bloke started doing it after his daughter introduced the method to him. Says it all really. Sorry not sorry.

My Gran always said ‘Sorry means I won’t do it again.’ Only time will tell, but I would accept an apology gracefully.

A man said sorry to me this morning after his family blocked the footpath chatting and I couldn't get past. The family still didn't move!

I accept them, but I still have a mental reservation. Trust is not always regained.

It depends on the circumstances really and who is apologising.

My ex husband used to always say "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again", but he still shouted, bullied and had affairs. I can't accept apologies from anyone now, they are just words.

JaneJudge

it depends whether it is sincere
I dislike the new 'sorry you feel that way' stuff as it isn't an apology at all

Yes, I agree. I read somewhere that it was anything but.

I cant think of the last time someone said sorry to me
If it was said in passing by a stranger, of course I would accept with a smile. As generally it's more of a courtesy.
If on the other hand let's say a car/bike drove over my foot. I might say something out of fear (as in the past), like, it would be better to be careful than sorry!
I would accept an apology from family, without a second thought.

I would give one anytime I felt it necessary.

I do understand where your husband is coming from though.

It annoys me when I sincerely apologise to someone for something I did and they continue to be grumpy and hold it against me. That shows me that the relationship doesnt mean much anyway and perhaps its time to let it go.

I am happy to say sorry if I've done wrong in some way - obviously it can be a bit hard to do sometimes but I feel it's a necessary part of growing and learning.

Maybe because of this I'm always happy to accept apologies.
If they sound a bit "thin" I do tend to say how upset/dissapointed/hurt I was according to the situation but I also like to give people a "get out" - so I may say "I know it probably wasn't your intention and I know you won't do it again" or similar.

I think being able to say sorry is very important. After all, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.
If we make it too hard for people to apologise, there will be no change and everyone loses.