Great nieces- step siblings

I hope this is a helpful comment. My DH and I were both widowed in our first marriages. We each had 2 children. The first Christmas after we married DHs first wife’s family visited. Large parcels for their GC and nothing for my DDs. They have never forgotten and refused to invite anyone from that family to their weddings. Please buy a small carefully chosen gift for the 2 extra children.

It must be really hard to be step children! I think you should treat them all the same.

I agree, buy for all the children. They have nothing to do with the faults of the adults! And it never hurts to be kind.

You know, I do agree with all of your comments. These two older children are step sisters to our great nieces. Our gifting circle could do with getting smaller, but not at the expense of the feelings of two children. You are all confirming my inner thoughts. Thank you.

May I just repeat where I mentioned about nephew A who once again (3rd time) has failed to make a payment on his loan. Would you just let it go.....
If he had been a regular payer it may have felt easier to do so. Indeed if he'd been regular we'd be telling him by now that it was ok and consider it paid.
It irritates me that he takes advantage, whilst showing his new iPhone. We don't want to be hard.

Actually, I think he's missed paying for the last 3 months.

Yes I agree to buy for all ofthe children,my brother and first wife had two boys,and in between she had an affair another boy was born,who my brother took on as his own child.
The marriage didn't last,and the ex wife went on to have two more boys from another relationship,and my brother remarried a woman with two girls from previous marriage and went on to have a third child between them, we never treated the steps or the half siblings any different to the full brothers and sisters.

I with other posters about the gifts.

With regard to the loan I would ask myself which option s best for me. Personally I’d let it go but that’s because it wouldn’t be worth the ongoing stress and hassle and I would find it quite easy never to think about it again.

But f it was always going to niggle at me and can se stress that he had got away with it, then I would keep pursuing it, for ever probably 😬 There are things I can’t let go of, it’s just money isn’t one of them.

So it’s a judgment call really based on what you know of yourself and each other. Which ever makes life better for you🙂

I agree with other posters about the gifts.

Obviously I’m an Oh well….sort of person😳🙄

Yes to the gifts. and keep giving. Keep the gifts modest according to your purse.

Yes to writing the debt off but making absolutely clear that is an absolute condition of the end of Deep Pocket DH. No doubt there will be more calls for help but turn them down.

Why? well, DH has unfortunately created expectations without intending to and those expectations were met to date by DH.

So by being generous one last time but drawing the line alerts nephew making demands he has to manage His money better from now on. DH now makes clear your OWN financial circumstances now make it impossible.

Its unlikely he has or can find the money to pay off the debts - the children could suffer - to me, good option.

Possible problems ahead could be nephew uses children as leverage. that, you need to discuss as part of making the decision.

I would have one last shot at the debt personally - but expect its a blood/stone situation.

I would also treat all the children the same.

Clarification:

"Its unlikely NEWHEW has or can find the money to pay off the debts"

I'd let the loan go, just don't lend again. Unfortunately some family members/ friends can take advantage of kindness

I know myself that dh will just let it go. I'm pretty sure he won't even mention it to nephew. It sounds awful of me to say this but nephew won't even be embarrassed. Uncle has helped nephew previously when in diffs but the help was gifted cash. Uncle realised he was doing no favours which is why this was a loan with strict rules and he feels let down.
The bank of Uncle C has pulled up shutters.

Thank you so much ladies. You have all confirmed my own thoughts.

I have lent most of my gc money, usually for car insurance and each time after they had repaid about two thirds I would wipe the rest of the debt as I knew they struggled to repay