11 year old granddaughter has suicidal thoughts

Trisher
It’s very sad to say that your dear granddaughter is not alone in this. It is rife on the internet.
It’s unfortunate that your not close to your daughter.

Get in touch with Papyrus an organisation for young people who are thinking of suicide.

I can't help or suggest any miracles but it may be that if DGD and DD are clashing, could she live with you for a bit of respite?
Just an idea to take the pressure off
I went to stay with my mum's cousin for a while in my teens when I was having a tough time aged 15.
I found "auntie" so nice and nonjudgmental.

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice Trisher and can understand why you are so concerned. I hope that knowing her school is aware and that she is seeing a doctor is of some comfort.

As MerylStreep has posted it is rife on the internet which is very worrying indeed.

Could you have her over to stay perhaps for a weekend and do some fun stuff to take her mind if the negatives in her life a cinema visit, a meal out ( almost growing up age) or just a fun sleep over play some board games or just give her some ‘her’ time

I'd say first and foremost remove her phone, or at the very least she should not have her phone or any other device in her bedroom. She is way too young to be let loose on the internet. The problems arise when youngsters are browsing away in their bedrooms on their own, seeing things no child should see.

I’m not sure what help you can offer given you say you aren’t close to your granddaughter or her mother. They must be wretched and anxious. Finding out you’ve learned of this from the other gran may not help.
Can you contact your daughter to offer general support of ask if there’s anything you can do

This a very difficult and worrying situation for you, and I am so sorry to hear. So many young people are so conflicted at the moment, on so many fronts and support services with huge waiting lists.

Hope someone here with experience will be able to offer advice.

Are you friendly with the other grandmother can you talk it over with her
I d find a support line and ask them they are the professionals with more answers than you ll get here and they will have heard it before
One thing worries me you say she cries when the other Gran talks to her about it we don’t know what the other Gran is saying ? Can we be sure she’s saying the right things

I am glad the doctor and school are aware of it - I bet there is a plan to address this.

Support your dd and gc as they request

I wonder if you are in contact with your GD in other ways if you aren't seeing her. Could you start sending her texts? Maybe just short messages sending her support and love, with some emojis if you can do it. She might find it easier to message than to speak. Could you also try getting closer to your daughter? she must be really worried and knowing you are there for her might help her cope.

BlueBelle

Are you friendly with the other grandmother can you talk it over with her
I d find a support line and ask them they are the professionals with more answers than you ll get here and they will have heard it before
One thing worries me you say she cries when the other Gran talks to her about it we don’t know what the other Gran is saying ? Can we be sure she’s saying the right things

I echo this post. How well do you know other gran, how well does other gran know Gd and mum.

Yes follow the advice above to ring those support organisations yourself they are best placed to advise you. Then you may know better whether other gran is saying/doing helpful things.

IMO Don't take her phone away, unless advised to do so by professional, for although it is giving her access to possible dangers, it is also giving her access to friends and perhaps things like music and suitable distractions.

It could possibly be experienced as demeaning and could feel like yet more is being taken away from her.

If she doent want to talk about it head on - which is pretty normal in this situation - fear, shame, fear of hurting. mum, fear of being thought of as weak, fear that if she talks about it it may make her feel worse - if you are able to give her time out thats gentle and undemanding and cosseted she may talk then.

x

Another reason for ringing organisations is really important - facilities vary round the country very greatly. If you are to make practical suggestions it's as well to now what the local situation is.

Btw, its a really big thing that the school does know. It means its not totally hidden and just up to the family.

I'm noting atm you aren't really sure what mum feels and what mum is doing, thats not a criticism btw, just its an important part of the mix in terms of helping GD.

I wouldn't do a single thing without checking with her mum that it's ok, first.

clashing with your mum when a teenager is normal
I'm sorry about all this though if you can afford to pay privately for counselling etc please do as the support in England through MH services is pitiful

JaneJudge

clashing with your mum when a teenager is normal
I'm sorry about all this though if you can afford to pay privately for counselling etc please do as the support in England through MH services is pitiful

It is, Jane, they are huge underfunded and the whole MH system is in crisis. Always the Cinderella service anyway for a long long time.

It would be lovely if she would and could talk to a counsellor. Depends where she lives, locally it would be between £40 and £100 a sesh depending on who is found, but it does have to be done with mum on board unless you actually suspect abuse, which you haven't mentioned and therefore I assume isn't the case.

I really feel there is a sort of gap in info here, ie what mum is aware of, what she thinks, what she is doing. I know as a suicidal teenager I tried to turn to mum for help and it was a no-go area, but that was back in the day when it was a matter for shame and often buried.

My heart goes out to you Trisher123 but I have not advice to offer except perhaps you could see her a bit more often, if you are able to, and be a listening ear.

As AGAA4 said Papyrus is the charity to get in touch with, it is the charity 3 Dad's Walking are supporting.
I heard a Dad talking on the news saying he wished he'd said to his daughter , are you thinking of suicide, but he was too afraid of the word to say it.
Sending love x

My heart goes out to you too Trisher123. As a parent and grandparent there is nothing more terrifying than knowing that your teenage loved one is viewing online suicide sites. The case of Molly Russell who took her own life because she was influenced by such material on the Internet comes to mind As you know her father fought a long legal battle to get the Social Media giants to come to court to explain their role in allowing vulnerable teenagers access to such sites. As has been said before many of us are too afraid to use the word suicide for fear of putting the idea into the youngsters mind. It is now realised that if he or she is given the opportunity to talk about the ‘unmentionable’ it can mean that they feel less isolated with their suicidal thoughts/feelings. I think a call to papyrus as other have suggested is a way forward because hopefully you can advice about how to proceed to help your granddaughter. I wonder how the other gran got to know that her granddaughter was looking at suicide sites.