Hard Lessons Learnt

Not quite the same but there is an elderly Romanian woman who begs outside Lidl. It is well known that she lives in a decent house with her family. Those who don't know give her money.

inishowen

Not quite the same but there is an elderly Romanian woman who begs outside Lidl. It is well known that she lives in a decent house with her family. Those who don't know give her money.

why I never give to beggars on the street any more. Sadly makes it so much more difficult for genuine people.
Like others if I add it to a free site happy for the first person to come and pick it up, regardless of what they do with it.
I give and take from a site called Olio and find the food from it a godsend currently

I did a car boot sale with my dd with baby clothes (most unused). A group of 3 people were looking at one end of the stall asking questions while the other group stole the clothes from the other end of the stall. Organised crime.

MissAdventure

If,I donated something which was then sold on, well, it would be helping the person who buys it, and the person with the tenacity to ask for it in the first place.

It's not exactly how it should be, but then life isn't.

That's such a great way of looking at it, I shall remember that.

Hetty58

Sparklefizz, I'm instantly suspicious of that type of post, so I signpost them to local agencies and charities for help. Why would they beg on social media?

Desperation.

There will always be people "abusing" the kindness of others or the system. We all know that.
But what if, the person you walk by really does need your help and support. What if you don't give it when you are blessed with a roof over your head and enough to not go hungry.

Maybe the man been given a microwave didn't really know how to use it and sold it to get himself more food he knew how to make?
Maybe the people taking something and selling it because it's not what they need but they need some money to buy something essential?

We need compassion for others and yes, at one point our kindness is taken for granted or taken when not needed. But that's better than denying someone who really is in need.

Pay it Forward is a nice idea if it works.

I agree Callistemon. I've been the recipient of help and hope I've passed it on. I paid someone's bus fare once when his card failed and he didn't have enough cash and he refused to let me until I told him someone had once done the same for me, and this was my opportunity to pass on the favour.

There will always be people who are take-take-take and never give back. There are also people who give far more than they take.

As I said, if I want to get rid of something I don't care if the person I give it to sells it on. The annoying thing is that there are often people who come on a couple of minutes after the woman I mentioned, saying that they would like an item she's taken, and they are as likely to be in need as she is. I'm sure she has FB set up so that she is notified when anything is offered on the page - honestly, she's there before you can say 'freebie'.

The admin of the page has tried various tactics to stop her - only one item a week, PM the giver who can decide who gets the item and more, but most people don't want things complicated and don't want to have to scroll back to see if someone they are giving to has bagged anything else that week.

I only noticed her as she has an unusual name, and when she got items from me I began to see it pop up all the time. Others have clearly complained though, as attempts at preventative measures keep happening.

I made the mistake of putting out two very different items for collection the same afternoon, for two different people. The first person nabbed them both, despite not having shown any interest in the second item. I'd labelled them with usernames too.

When my kitchen was redone I advertised some stuff I no longer needed and had a woman round who gave me a very long sob story about her house burning down and being rehoused and having nothing left. I gave her everything I had stored away in the garage including some stuff I intended to keep. My neighbour told me the same woman had been round to her three months earlier with the same story. She apparently has/had a market stall where she sells everything. It's the story that leaves a sour taste, plus the fact I had given her stuff I wouldn't have given away to be sold.

Hetty58

Sparklefizz, I'm instantly suspicious of that type of post, so I signpost them to local agencies and charities for help. Why would they beg on social media?

Jusat so you know, I got desperate enough recently to ask for help in the signposted places, to be told I couldn't have a food bank voucher as not on the right type of benefits, same with council tax reduction etc etc, I had 20 on my phone which got eaten up really fast sat in phone queues, and several gov agencies advised I simply get a better job or more hours. Not helpful when you're literally eating air and can no longer afford to get to a job let alone anything else. Not saying these folks aren't scammers, just pointing out getting help isn't as easy as some might imagine

I give things to people on my local recycling group called Trash Nothing and what they do with the things is up to them. The people do all seem genuine but if I can't be bothered to sell the item, or it's not worth anything, then they can do what they like with it. Trash Nothing is also for requests, so people know they can post there if they want something free. There's no need to go begging on other sites. It covers all areas and you just post on your local group.

I give food and toiletries as regularly as I can to the food bank run at my local church. Every November we also do what’s called a ‘reverse Advent’; members of the congregation collect an item a day each day in November and at the end of the month all items are taken to the food bank depot for distribution to families in need. I knit blankets and scarves throughout the year and donate them to my church’s action team; they’re given to local people according to need. Every so often I have a clear out of my belongings, whether clothes, books or household items, and take them to my nearest charity shop or, again, give to the action team. I don’t give cash to people who might ask me for it in the street and I no longer access the Nextdoor site as, sadly, you can’t always tell whose posts are genuine.

I help run our local food bank. It's a reasonably affluent area with some pockets of much poorer people, especially elderly people with no family remaining and some immigrant families. During lock down the food bank supplied parcels every week to 20+ addresses registered with us. After lock down it was turned into a stall where people could come in and pick up what they wanted, no questions asked, which worked quite well initially. Now it has turned into a 'freebie' centre for passing mothers with prams out for a walk. We had some nice shampoo and conditioner sets donated recently. Two woman (known to us all) picked them up, discussing whether they were any good, and decided to try them as 'they're free so we can always chuck them if we don't like them'. We're getting rid of the stall again and reverting to delivering to those who need it. There's a limit on what we can collect from people and it would be nice to know that it is going to people who need it because they don't have the money to buy it otherwise.

MayBee70

I saw my friends daughter begging in town. She had a loving supportive family ( my friend was a vicar). Never figured out what it was all about.

Drug money

Oh Mibsxx I am so sorry to read your post. Please revisit your foodbank- most, like ours, have "non voucher" bags to give. They're not as full as the voucher ones, but are of some use, and can be claimed as often as needed. We offer a cup of tea and a warm place as well.

So many people then sell these free gifts. I’d rather donate my unwanted things to the local food bank, some are grateful for clothes, failing that, a charity shop.

I've posted previously about volunteering at a local Foodbank and how some clients arrive in new cars, wear designer clothes, smoke, openly tell us they are just back from a holiday abroad (I could go on) and the replies on here were practically calling me a liar that I dare to say such a thing about poor deserving people !

there are food banks where you don;t need to be referred.

MibbsXX, is there a gurdwara near you; they will always share food with everyone and anyone, just observe the men/women's entrance.
it's cooked food, vegetarian.

This week I observed a man and his big dog sat outside a
Boulangerie with a bowl for money and a rucksack at his
side. Someone gave him a breadish article in a bag . After
they walked away he opened the rucksack and had difficulty
stuffing the package in, it was filled with bread bags. It was
only 10 a.m. Goodness knows what he did with it all.
I know this man lives in my neighbouring town as I've
seen him walking the dog and he never looks like a down and
out then.

I've recently joined freegal and was amazed to see someone asking for a campervan in very good condition!!! Don't know if they got one.
Also a few years ago on FB wanted site someone was asking for Xmas presents for their young children but only brand new things. They got outed selling what was given on another FB site.

Annewilko, Desperation? Maybe sometimes, but we don't know - so it's best to give things away, if we're willing to, then forget it. My friend used to buy things at jumble sales and boot sales. She'd clean, iron - or polish them up, then sell on Ebay (as a low cost item with high cost postage). She put in the effort and keep the profit (so nothing wrong with that) but didn't expect free stuff. I went with her to a church jumble sale with my baby son. They were keen to get rid of things and gave me a bin bag of baby clothes, many with tags - for 10p! I was amazed.

Such a shame that genuinely needy people are berated for asking for help via apps like nextdoor or facebook. Yes I know its like begging on the street. But these are now different times. Just because you can find money for phones or to run a car doesnt mean you can afford to pay for everything you may need just now. I have no objection to helping those with a genuine need but would not choose to fund a want. But if I can gift something I no longer need I accept I have no control of its use, genuine or not. Yes of course it can be open to organised crime or simply sold for profit. I have a local depot nearby where unwanted household items and clothing can be donated and often take things there. Those in need register via the council or social
Services and can be gifted items. I feel more hopeful there that my unwanted goods may reach someone in genuine need.

We bought a 5kg bag of Iams dried cat food. We’d only just opened it when the lovely Fuzzy went downhill rapidly so it was hardly touched.
When he died we put it on free cycle. I young man came for it saying he would get a good price. I had meant it for a cat!
I suppose I should have asked for pictures of your cat when posting. I’ve always been a bit cross about this thread has made me consider a cat eventually got a cheap meal and the chap made a few quid.
When I lost weight and my newish Taylors dummy was bigger than me I put it, again, on free cycle. This time I asked why you want it.
It went to a charming transgender woman (my choice) who wanted to make her own clothes. I felt Tina, my dummy, had gone to a good home.
I feel better about the dress form but why do I decry the person who ‘sold on’ the cat food, DH watches hours of men finding things in sheds and selling them on. It’s not theft and my rosey glow of satisfaction isn’t realythe goal.

Taylor2016

I volunteer in a Foodbank where people can have a cup of tea & a chat. One man kept refusing specific types of food as he didn’t have a cooker or microwave. My friend kindly donated a microwave .
Following Sunday who was selling what at a car boot sale……

Something a bit more modified than that. Someone I know "X" on benefits got hold of something sellable, and sold it....
..but he needed money for heating and fines as he wasn't coping well and had messed up and so on and so on, MH issues.

There is a whole black economy around this semi begging swapping favours semi legal economy - heard all about it from X.
I guess we all have to make judgements case by case. And it's really difficult if you don't "approve" (I don't) but see the other person just can't get out of that life. They are rarely registered with a GP or turn up at the wrong time for things -support isn't there enough anymore.

If you have a car for a car boot sale you aren't in that category. I'm intrigued by the Mercedes owner who took stuff. Whats going on there!