Is it friendlier Up North?

Ahhh thats so annoying Esmay. Sorry to hear that. You didnt do anything wrong in asking him why he was washing his car during a hosepipe ban, but maybe after his wife explained it to him, he feels stupid ?

Its possible that he had dementia as well as MH problems for quite a long time before it was diagnosed. Saying inappropriate things can be an early sign of dementia. Maybe he was paranoid as he knew something wasnt right inside? Poor wife and kids, not their fault at all. Good you're friends with them. Who knows what his wife might be keeping to herself. Coldness could be her way of self control -holding it all in? I've heard people say they dont want anyone to speak to them in case they cry.

I'm glad I don't live in the conservation area I mentioned. I literally cannot think of anything worse than having interfering, busybody neighbors tutting if I didn't use the correct shade of paint or have my tv ariel perfectly aligned with theirs. These people even have a social media group where they discuss such "issues". It might even be the end if you had a porch constructed, seeing as it wouldn't be in keeping with the original design sigh.

I know professional people who were not accepted there, it's extremely snobby and controlling. I would not want to live there even if I was paid to.

We don't live in a conservation area .
It's just a boring suburb with rows upon rows of mock Tudor houses punctuated with some pleasant parks and common .

He is a particular type
At times , this neighbour 's petty mindedness reminds me of Martin Bryce in Ever Decreasing Circles , but his negative feelings towards me really began when I asked him why he was washing his car when there was a hosepipe ban .

He threw his hose down , shouted at me about looking after his car properly and went indoors slamming the front door after him .

His wife came out retrieved the hose and no more car washing occurred .

Martin Bryce would never have washed his car during a hose pipe ban .

His wife is pleasant enough , but rather cold .

It amuses me that I've lived next door to a man with a similar personality .

He used to spy on me all the time , make notes on a clipboard , phone the council about trees and boundaries and also ask inappropriate questions .

I am good friends with his wife and daughters , who are embarrassed by him .

Sadly , he has now developed dementia .

I do think that my father's neighbour has mental health issues .

PS Esmay, you don't happen to live in a Conservation Area, do you? Only there are people who do, who act like this all the time. The ones I know of even complain if the TV ariel is at the wrong angle or if the front door is painted the wrong shade of white! They always snoop on their neighbours and report back to the conservation group. I'd hate to be their neighbour but gladly, I don't live in a conservation area.

So sorry Esmay!

Your neighbour sounds like an extremely unhappy man! My husband would call it "Napoleon Syndrome", but I wonder if he has a wife or any love in his life? He sounds bitter , hateful and obsessive! I wonder if his son still visits?

Do you think he might be trying to intimidate you? OR perhaps he's unaware of his behaviour being odd? It might be good to document it, in case with getting older he becomes worse.

He is a sad little man .

I think that he's paranoid over security and suspicious of his neighbours .

As he ages , he is becoming more angry and obsessive .

I smile and wave ( we all do ) , but he usually blanks me .

Years ago , we found him prickly over various things :

My son is the same age as one of his and he demonstrated sour grapes over my son going to university as his didn't .

His son is gifted in a completely different way from mine .

He was a nice boy , who has grown into a nice man .

Recently , this neighbour has watched my DIY guy from behind a curtain - making him feel uncomfortable at times !

Occasionally , he comes out with a clipboard and makes notes and spends ages looking at our houses .
When I think about it -
I don't think that he goes out very much and neither does he go on holidays .

Im so sorry Esmay, that sounds awful! What a sad little man to bully a poor widow like that.

I agree with you Sue. It's true that many people in existing friendship groups do not want to include those who they see as outsiders. My main friends are those who also moved into the area, some from other countries, just because the established ones are in cliques.

I don’t agree that it’s all down to you, as a person, as to whether somewhere is friendly or not. We’ve moved a lot, I think we’re now on our tenth new area and some places are definitely friendlier than others.

One area of Scotland we moved to, if a mum at playgroup hadn’t taken pity on me and outright asked me if I’d met anyone, I think I’d have spent our ten-plus years there never knowing a soul. As she said, local folk were very much by ‘appointment-only’ and they just didn’t mix with anyone new. Yet the previous and following areas of Scotland we lived in. were really friendly and I’m still in touch with people from nearly 40 years ago.

Creepy!

One of my neighbours is very nice and a close friend .
She also has felt spied on and judged at times .
She's just had curtains put up and no longer enjoys her outlook on the street .

Our mutual friend , who is rather introverted lives next to the nastiest of neighbours and since she was tragically widowed at a young age - he's made her life hell at every opportunity - constantly complaining every about everything being petty and spiteful .

I'm thrilled that she has a serious boyfriend and I hope that he moves in
!

This neighbour has also installed video cameras and is recording his surroundings .

Looking back , there was always something unpleasant about him and I'm wondering about his mental health .

Add to that, I have (in the past) routinely been blanked by local people who I have said hello to in the street, to the point that I now return the favour to those who are miserable *holes- and only now put my energy where it is deserved and reciprocated.

Ahh never lived in Pompey, but yes, super friendly area!

Haaa though. Be aware that in certain areas in the South, your goodwill, cheerful and friendly nature will be viewed with suspicion, sadly. I speak from experience, having been raised to smile and say hello to everyone.

Geordie lass here, living in S/E. Moved to this particular area 33 years ago. We followed friends up from Pompey (very friendly area). We were here a year before an actual neighbour wished us good morning, and I literally looked for hole in the ground 🤣.
Nowadays, I think they've caught up with the times - or maybe our Geordie influence has rubbed off on them - as I find them much more friendly now!!
Honestly, I think if you go around looking grumpy people will shy away from you. Smile and say hi, chat about the weather or whatnot, and people chat with you!

Aveline

That's just your perception of people Esmay. I'm sure they're not snobbish, jealous, self obsessed and competitive. They're just living their lives and pursuing their interests. If I meet people who don't seem friendly I think about how I'm behaving or how others might see me. That helps. As I said right at the start of this thread friendly people tend to meet friendly people irrespective of where they are in the country.

You don't know that Aveline. As we are all anon and don't see each other's Real Lives, we cannot possibly judge another's experience.

I have always said, a person with an experience is not at the mercy of a person with a theory. Another saying I have is that "when someone shows you who they are, believe them". I have often not believed someone is what they are showing me, to my own detriment, because I have thought everyone is nice like me!

I am truly sorry for your experience, Esmay. Those neighbours sound so judgemental and nasty! I wonder how they would ever cope if they were in your shoes! Another saying I have applies to them (" if you haven't got anything nice to say, keep quiet!")

I have lived in East, South and North Yorkshire, Newcastle upon Tyne, Rossendale, Ribble Valley, Southampton, South Oxfordshire and Shropshire.
We have made good friends wherever we have lived and found people to be friendly.
Rossendale back in 1983 was the hardest as at that time it was quite insular.

Ooh that's very specifically nasty Esmay. Your poor Dad. Surely that just one very unpleasant family (to put it mildly!!) Probably other neighbours avoid them too. Neighbours from hell could be a new thread?!

Sadly , it is my perception of my father's unpleasant unfriendly neighbours .

He moved here about 35 years ago and had some unpleasant experiences and thought of moving ,but couldn't face it .

I moved in about seven years ago and made an effort to be friendly .

They complain about the bins with his triple wrapped nappies in them ,
openly laugh when they see me struggling with shopping , make comments if I employ people ( it's alright for some ) and finally have said each time I see them face to face that it's taken far too long for my father to die .

That's just your perception of people Esmay. I'm sure they're not snobbish, jealous, self obsessed and competitive. They're just living their lives and pursuing their interests. If I meet people who don't seem friendly I think about how I'm behaving or how others might see me. That helps. As I said right at the start of this thread friendly people tend to meet friendly people irrespective of where they are in the country.

You're right there Esmay. I don't know why people have to be like that. Sad!

Glad you have such a funny friend, that must be really nice. I had a good laugh at work today, that keeps me sane as well as dog walking.

I love the friendliness of Yorkshire people .
Mancunians are nice too .
I've also found people from Liverpool unbelievably open and friendly .

We , Southerners do have a reputation for being cold and distant .
I find most of my neighbours extremely self obsessed , jealous competitive and snobbish .
I think that it's a shame .

I like traditional Londoners , who are extremely funny and chatty .
I met one of my London friends on Saturday and I nearly peed myself laughing .

Redhead56 ohh I bet she has some gorgeous views at the moment.

Its a shame isn't it Gagajo.

It must be nice to be that person. Being new to an area is hard, or if you lost a friend (I lost a few through covid) . I have given up trying to make friends. I just talk to dog walkers when walking my dog and have aquaintances. It works. I dont know what anyone does if they don't have a dog to walk, though.

OnwardandUpward

The thing I have noticed is, while people may be surface friendly, they do not want to be friends. With some people this is because they think of you as an outsider, who they will be polite to only. To others this is because they want "no new friends". They have their social circle (and some cliques) and don't want to expand it.

I suppose after a certain age people have their friendship groups already formed, so if you move to a new area you can be a bit doomed, to be forever the aquaintance and outsider.

Yes, I found this when I moved up north. One girl I worked with was very friendly at work and even took me around to look at a few possible areas to look at houses one weekend. But she wasn't interested in real friendship. Had a full life already. Didn't need or want more friends.

AussieGran59

I can honestly say that in every single visit to the UK I have always encountered helpful, friendly locals. We have driven all over the UK and love the people and scenery. The pub food is good too! I miss it all.

We always love to chat to Aussies!

The thing I have noticed is, while people may be surface friendly, they do not want to be friends. With some people this is because they think of you as an outsider, who they will be polite to only. To others this is because they want "no new friends". They have their social circle (and some cliques) and don't want to expand it.

I suppose after a certain age people have their friendship groups already formed, so if you move to a new area you can be a bit doomed, to be forever the aquaintance and outsider.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.