“Mum wants to know if you can spare a cup of sugar please?”

This was life for me too in Devon, our neighbourhood was very close knit and friendly. My mum who had nothing, shared when she did have anything and we borrowed sugar and a shilling for the gas too. The joy on meter man day as we’d get sweets. I don’t think there is any kind of a North/South divide on this or any helpfulness or friendliness. It’s a myth. People were the same wherever you went. Nowadays, I’m friendly with my neighbours as are my children with theirs. Nothing to do with geography.

We never have anything to do with our neighbours and never see them. I suppose it is a downside of having a lot of big trees though where we lived previously they would turn up all the time and it became a bit much.

Have always helped neighbours and they helped us. OH unblocked drains, cut hedges, took in frozen goods when their freezer packed up, shared power tools etc. They gave us veg, chocolates, wine, helped with lawn mowing, take in parcels etc. We don't visit and they don't visit us which suits us fine. But we are there for each other if they need help or we do.
It's how it should be. Same here as it was in our last home. It's a nice way to be.

Fae1

With shops open almost 24/7, on line shopping availability , food banks etc. surely the days of needing to borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbour are behind us ? 🤔

Fael - I think perhaps you missed the point. We couldn’t afford to buy the things we borrowed - hence payback was always on Friday when the wages were paid.

Oreo one of our local pub/B & Bs has invited anyone spending Christmas Day alone to go there for a free meal and entertainment. A wonderful gesture.

When i was a child, there was one neighbour who would regularly 'borrow' (it was never returned) Trill budgie food, and sugar or milk. I don't think my mum ever borrowed anything, even when going through a very tough patch but I recently mentioned this to her and she didn't seem to mind that the borrowing was very one-sided.

I live in a tiny village. It's quite common here for people to put things like excess apples out in boxes for others to help themselves.

I've occasionally been asked, and happy to supply, the occasional thing to neighbours who have needed something, but it has always been a case of them needing something that they don't usually use or have forgotten to buy, rather than poverty-driven need.

The trouble is, I think that many people, even if they don't realize it themselves, are still very judgemental over who they see as worthy of their charity, and while they are really happy to share with friends and neighbours, might be less generous towards those who are in real need over a prolonged length of time.

When I lived with my auntie she had everything on a meter. One of the children was always sent running for two bob or half a crown from a neighbour when the electricity went off or the TV blacked out. When I first saw this I was astounded.

When I arrived in south London with DH and 1 child the next day a lady arrived at the door saying who she was and where she lived. Also, I was handed a cardboard box with basic essential, tea,coffee,sugar, cornflakes, smash potato, tinned corned beef, beans and milk. Attached to the box was a list of names and addresses of basically neighbours all welcoming us to the road and a message to contact if we needed help with anything. The name and address of a couple of local playgroups, mothers' groups were also included. Nothing for men as they were regarded as being out at work all day. A couple of years later this was turned into a civic service known as the Welcome Wagon. Never forgotten that. So much for folk in the south east not speaking or being interested in others.

We live in an unfashionable part of South London. There’s lots of community activity. We have a facebook group for our street and people are often posting that they have a surplus of food , or are getting rid of children’s toys, furniture etc. There’s usually a taker! People will also ask if anyone’s got a lemon or some flour etc if they are in the middle of a recipe and missing an ingredient. We give away surplus runner beans and tomatoes from our garden. My OH is the go to DiY man when there’s a leaking tap, shelf that needs fixing or, on one occasion, a bat trapped in someone’s house. 4 of the neighbours came immediately when when older neighbour fell and couldn’t get up , they managed to get him into a comfortable position whilst waiting for the paramedics. We have an annual summer party and there’s usually a new year’s eve do going on somewhere.

Many years ago I remember a woman across the street who sent her daughter to ask me if I could give her a sheet of writing paper. Half an hour later she sent her again to ask if I could give her an envelope, then a bit later to ask for a stamp!!

We give away lots of lettuce and runner beans to neighbours in the summer when we have a glut of them. Everybody is pleased including us as they don't go to waste.

My dad was a good gardener so we had lots of spare fruit and veg. I would be sent to give it to neighbours. When I became a mum to teenagers my daughter worked in a bakery. The leftovers were given to staff. I used to take it to my elderly aunt, who then shared with elderly friends. A good system

While I speak to all my neighbours none of them have been In my house. I've lived here for the past 18 years. Over the previous years in different towns and cities in Scotland I've tried to help out neighbours when I could. Suffice it to say I learned my lesson the hard way and did not become so involved when I retired and moved here. Learning that lesson took me 40 years. I've done my bit for others in my lifetime. No more now.

I have lovely neighbours and although we don't often need to ask for an egg or some sugar I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. We do ask for the use of gardening tools or a ladder sometimes. Also I.m active as a helping-hand in several local facebookgroups popular with people who are going through difficult times : there are a few freecycling groups, and then there is the one "To Bed Without Hunger" where people offer what they want to share and others asking for food. Yes, we take care of each-other ❤️‍🩹

Boxes of veg. are still seen in local villages, usually suggesting a donation to a local charity, so people still do this but probably not in towns.

My DH grows lots of vegetables and we always go around the neighbours asking if anyone wants our surplus items ,we freeze lots and give away lots.I wouldn’t mind giving out a cup of sugar etc especially if it saves someone from having to walk to our local shop .
When I was small it was quite common to ask and be asked for the odd item.

With shops open almost 24/7, on line shopping availability , food banks etc. surely the days of needing to borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbour are behind us ? 🤔

Sugar is one thing, but have learned lessons on lending tools, ladders, lawnmower, money etc, etc.

Thank you all for such heartwarming comments. It’s encouraging to read about the kindness that people are seeing and experiencing.

Where I live, in a small, affluent town, we have a very busy foodbank. There are also ‘warm spaces’ that are co-ordinated so there’s a choice of somewhere to go every day; churches, the local library and some community groups have got together to ensure a broad range of venues and times - and all offer snacks or meals too.

We’re also about to have a free ‘gift exchange’ where people can donate unwanted gifts for anyone to collect. The library has a rail of free (donated) warm winter coats available for anyone to collect one - and we have a weekly food give-away of produce donated by local shops that would otherwise be thrown away.

I suppose people are showing their neighbourliness in a broader way than when I was a child. Thankfully there’s less stigma too, although a lady I support came to me yesterday in tears because she was going to have to use the foodbank to get her through Christmas. 😢

I was brought up on several Council estates in the North and I don't remember any borrowing of this kind. Obviously it did happen to some people as evidenced by comments above but not, I suspect, generally.

Like granny activist, we were poor when my girls were growing up. I hadn't been bought up in an impoverished home, so pride and embarrassment meant I NEVER asked for help😮 we did get some help from our pastor who kindly paid for a school trip for one of the children, and gave me a large cheque at Christmas each year until I was in a better situation, we never asked but were really grateful for it. My own parents were very comfortably off but made me feel a failure if I ever turned to them for help, there was always a lecture along with any help, so I had to be at my wits end to ask them! My OH’s parents were divorced, his mother was parsimonious to say the least! And his father would say he couldnt afford it despite being a senior partner in a flourishing firm of solicitors in Surrey/Hants boarder! So we just muddled through, my 3 adult children are still resentful of the poverty of their childhood and found it difficult to fit in as we lived in leafy southern counties where poverty stuck out!

Happy to help out our neighbours and do when needed. From eggs, onions lasagne sheets etc to letting them use our washing machine when their's broke. They reciprocate. No one takes advantage

i have 2 really good neighbours that i can go to for help, one of them saved my life last christmas when i had sepsis and did not know. i can borrow anything from 1 of them who has become a very close friend. we don't have a foodbank close by but my supermarket has a collection point and i try and put a few items in each week, i get vouchers sometimes from websites for free or discounted sanitary products and they are usually something that foodbanks need along with shampoos and shower gels. it is good to have neighbours that can help out, i was the eldest and sent for a cup of sugar or a ciggie when i was young.

Yes they did that when i was a kid.But more our neighbour asking us than other way round(lady next door had a few kids) but no i dont think folk do it now so much.Maybe if you were best friends with your next- doors you might.

Well done for your Mr Fix it’s willingness! I knew somebody’s husband who’d hide when a neighbour lady knocked on their door. Such a nicer thread than the one yesterday on not looking forward to Christmas, it left me very chagrined for those tired ladies who cbb…. 🫶🏻😻. Love to them all!!