Friend

Does she ever ask about how you are, Gagajo?

In my experience friends when they sound off to you do not really want advice, however we feel we can see the clearer picture. They just want to be listened to and for someone to be there for them.

It’s very difficult to change a person’s mind when they are strong willed, and even more difficult to stand by whilst they make bad decisions, but we need to remember that they are independent beings and just accept that, and support them whatever the outcome.

I've wondered about that Hithere. Having said that, she is very headstrong, so I don't think that really anyone influences her decision making. But she can see how far I've progressed since we first met whereas she has massively gone backwards. She admits that she's made mistakes but refuses to listen when she's about to make another one.

It's almost like she's on self destruct.

I wouldn't tell her I don't want to discuss something Hithere. I might not participate though. I did chip in yesterday when she was very wrong about something she was saying, but she has a very strong negative mindset (I can only recognise this because at times I have also had this) and isn't open to an alternative idea.

I know somebody who I would hesitate to call a friend who moans a lot about how badly life has treated her but refuses any suggestions of how to change her lifestyle to make things easier.

One by one her friends give up on her - she then feels worse ofcourse.

What I find hard is when she tells me how lucky I am. How fortunate to find a nice husband although he has died as all 3 of hers were rotters.

She's right in a way I am lucky that I'm not her. It must be awful.

How is your listening impacting her decision making?

You also need to consider how her preventable issues affect you- it is ok to say it is a subject you are not willing to discuss

Sounds like one of my DD’s. The other is the complete opposite fortunately.

I had a friend like this. And I got so frustrated.
I used to feel like saying, What is the point of telling me when you won't heed advice? but I didn't.
All you can do is listen and be there for her.

Callistemon is right, you can't change people GagaJo even though it's really frustrating. I have a friend who lurches from one crisis to the next and I just have to be there to listen when inevitably things go wrong. However that same friend would give me her last pound if I needed it.

Some people do, Gagajo and you can't change them.
They go through life in a chaotic way, making poor choices and wondering why it all goes wrong.

All you can do is listen and hope that one day they might stop, think and try to do things differently.
Don't offer money.

Nothing you can do , just be there for her ,