Tensions at Christmas.

Awesome to evaporate! I need to practise!

biglouis

OnwardandUpward you are correct!

My mother had a long history of meltdowns on family occasions/days out/birthdays going back for many years. We used to call them her "wobblers" and I now recognise they were panic attacks. She probably had a version of munchausen as she relished attention from doctors and nurses etc. I in contrast hate medical involvements of any kind.

Once I left home I became a past mistress of being "very hard to contact" as there were no mobile phones or email back then (1960s onwwards). I even "invented" trips abroad or work relted travelling to avoid family gatherings. I never felt guilty because I reasoned that I was one less mouth to feed and one less person to cause arguments.

I am still "difficult to contact" when any annoying situation arises in the family or local area.

I can well identify with that. I call it 'evaporating'.

OnwardandUpward you are correct!

My mother had a long history of meltdowns on family occasions/days out/birthdays going back for many years. We used to call them her "wobblers" and I now recognise they were panic attacks. She probably had a version of munchausen as she relished attention from doctors and nurses etc. I in contrast hate medical involvements of any kind.

Once I left home I became a past mistress of being "very hard to contact" as there were no mobile phones or email back then (1960s onwwards). I even "invented" trips abroad or work relted travelling to avoid family gatherings. I never felt guilty because I reasoned that I was one less mouth to feed and one less person to cause arguments.

I am still "difficult to contact" when any annoying situation arises in the family or local area.

biglouis

My mother used to begin asking me in November "what are you doing for christmas" knowing I didnt want to come. It was the same every year and I dreaded it. She was infamous for her meltdowns at family gatherings. Why would you want someone to visit you if you knew they would hate every minute of it?

If you were my Mother you'd probably do it to insert control.

One contingent of our family never come, they don’t like crowds which is fine by me because it would be hard to cater for another 8 people and they are together themselves anyway. They live 2 hours drive away so not that far. Doesn’t matter, only one day of the year but their siblings do miss them and hardly ever see them. Ah, Gippslanders …..

My mother used to begin asking me in November "what are you doing for christmas" knowing I didnt want to come. It was the same every year and I dreaded it. She was infamous for her meltdowns at family gatherings. Why would you want someone to visit you if you knew they would hate every minute of it?

They might have had other plans but didn't want to commit. It's a very busy time of year.

Being non commital = no in some cases

They were invited last week but were very non committal about whether they would be free so I didnt push them.

Did you check back with them, maybe the day before?
That wouldn't be pushing imo.

Only a week’s notice seems odd, especially when you had company flying in
Was there a reason for the late invite?

Honestly, inviting relatives to Xmas only with a week's notice doesn't seem right

Why such short notice?

When were Xmas plans originally brought up?

Hithere

Maybe they had previous plans?

If they had.....then they should have said....very rude and unkind not to

KC understand you feeling a little hurt, you sous have lined everyone together especially granddad. Hope you all have time to meet up on Monday. Don't brood on it let it go, there's no point..
Hithere, it's as easy and kinder to say sorry, mom we've other plans as it is to be non committal, good manners too.

maybe they want their own small family to be together as a unit without hustle and bustle and noise. Stop pressurising them

Maybe they had previous plans?