Falling out with family

That's good to know Nanderin.

Everything fine now thanks everyone.

Thing of it is, if you fall out with one half of a married couple, expecting them to choose you over their spouse is generally advised against, even if they’re your parents.

And, while it seems to be something OP’s husband said, the question for me is, was OP present at the time? What was said?Did she support what her DH said? What was her reaction?

With the lack of context, it’s really hard to know what to suggest to improve the situation.

OP, this post is quite confusing.

Your D has fallen out with you. Your GC aren't speaking to you. Your H has had words with you, your D and or GC?

Who is correct? I'd say the person at fault issues an apology.

GC shouldn't be involved in adult fall outs, one of you has that bit correct. Stay away from GC until an apology clears this.

I can

or risk estrangement.

IMO the OP's D is wrong to have fallen out with her mother because she's upset with her mother's H, and it is wrong that the GC have been brought into it.

Not sure how reading an opinion from a stranger on an online forum could possibly encourage the OP to further damage the relationship of risk estrangement.

Comments saying or suggesting parent is in the wrong because of lack of contact with the grandchildren may be heard by OP (grandparent)

It's important OP hears that isn't the case and it doesn't further damage the relationship or risk estrangement

Not sure that GC not talking to their GM because mum's fallen out with GM's husband has anything to do with their protection Hithere. Not that there's anything the OP can do about it unfortunately.

The best way to have a good relationship with the grandchildren is to have a good relationship with parents

Always

Smileless

I agree with you, kids shouldn't be mixed with adult issues

Therefore, till adults can address it and compromise, kids are out of the picture for their own protection

Who needs them in the crossfire? Nobody

What does being kept safe have to with this discussion? The OP's D has fallen out with her due to an incident between her D and her H.

We have very little information here and absolutely nothing to suggest that the GC not speaking to the OP has anything to do with their mother's concern for their safety.

The children should not have been involved by their mother, in their mother's disagreement.

That's the responsibility of all the adults involved, not just the parents.

If the relationship has broken down, the children will be safest, happiest and least likely to be negatively impacted being with the parents until the argument is resolved and they can come back together again.

That is the parents responsibility as parents.

How long it continues is up to the people involved. The best next steps are to meet and really listen to each other and find a way forward.

The children are children, they aren't bargaining pieces or weapons or guilt trips, they simply belong with their primary caregivers at this time and kept safe until the reason another adult has been deemed unsafe is resolved

Children shouldn't be brought into a situation like this. If there's disagreement between adults, it should be kept between the adults.

The best way to have a good relationship with the grandchildren is to have a good relationship with the parents.

Daughters seem to get very stressed at this time. Mine was very annoyed with me this morning when she discovered that I had frozen the little turkey dinner my son had made up for me to have later in the week.
She was going to give it to the kids for lunch!

How to tackle this depends a lot as I see it as to whether you think your husband was right or wrong in what he said,

I am unclear whether he had words with your daughter, her children or you.

If you feel he was right, the only thing you can do is write to your daughter saying you are sorry their visit turned out so badly, and that you hope she and the grandchildren can move on and let bygones be bygones.

If you feel your husband was wrong, then you need to get HIM to apologise to your daughter and grandchildren whom I assume are his daughter and grandchildren, too.

If he won't either apologise or let you do so on his behalf, tell your daughter that you too are cross with him about what he said, but that you cannot change his mind about it.

It is unfair of her to take it out on you, unless, of course, you sided with him, but from what you said, you were not involved in what he said.

Nanderin - has this just happened? As Merylstreep said - this too shall pass. Two weeks ago, I thought I would be spending Xmas day on my own, due to a silly argument between daughter and d.I.l. I had enough, so I seriously wanted to stay alone today, with my thoughts. But I thought of my daughter’s teenagers, who would have been sad if I didn’t join them. So I relented and had lunch with them today.
I hope this will be resolved sooner rather than later - in the meanwhile here are some

Sad when grandchildren are involved

I'm sorry to hear that Nanderin such a pity when grandchildren are pulled into the arguments. I hope you can resolve this.

That's a shame Smileless when you were not involved, Christmas tensions causing problems, seems to happen a lot.

Just got back from a meal with my daughter, my first husband and my partner. Ex has words with my daughter, she flies off and we`re all chucked out! I haven`t done anything wrong except say I`d like to go when they started rowing. She won`t speak to me now for ages. Really really sad, not like me, usually very jolly

No need to bring the GC into this and if your D's upset with your husband Nanderin then she needs to sort this out with him, and not 'punish' you.

I hope this will be resolved.

I hope you managed to get some sleep and are able to repair the relationship

My old stand by: this too will pass
And it will. I know how it feels at the moment but tomorrow will look different.

Hoping for the best for you eventually. Wishing you peace.