Glad it's all over

It's such a new problem for our generation isn't it?
When I was young, not many parents didn't have their AC's and GC's close by, walking distance or a bus ride away, not many even had cars back then. Now we all seem to have family scattered all over the country and even the world. Now we are faced with having to make decisions about where to best live out our old age that previous generations didn't even have to think about.

A difficult situation for you BB1. Have you considered letting out your property and renting somewhere near to/where you used to live? This does not commit your DH, explores the possibilities you seek and might help inform a permanent decision.
I’m in the north west. House prices here have not dropped. I’m lucky in that my AC and their families live within a mile resulting in frequent and easy contact. In years to come when the DGC are more independent we suspect we won’t be quite as involved.
It isn’t easy, is it?

Thanks Grammaretto. You are absolutely right. It would be daft for me to move back by the sea. I was raised in Torquay which is now huge and noisy and nothing like it was when I was young. But I can drive there in about 40 minutes, so it's silly to
upheave my life really.
I hope you find a nice place to downsize too and feel happy with.

I love the sea too henetha but for me it would be foolish as the seaside here is full of tourists in the Summer and icy and isolated the rest of the year
No it's make the best of it and stay put though I will downsize to a smaller place.
The family can visit me here

Even at 85 I still feel restless. I live in a beautiful rural area of Devon but was born and raised by the sea and miss it dreadfully. I long to move back to the coast. It's silly really because I am too old to move, can't afford it anyway, and I can be at the coast within just over half an hour's drive. It's silly of me to still want to move.
So I understand all the reasons above and hope you make the right decisions. It's not easy.

Then again there are those who wish they had made the move sooner, before her DH got dementia, when the DGC were small.
It's not easy getting old is it but as my 97yr old DMiL says the alternative is worse. She moved on Boxing Day in with her DS .

I have a df locally originally from Sweden, whose DC both live in the US quite close to eachother. One has invited her parents to live with them. My df says she wouldn't move there as her life is here now.
I can appreciate her feelings but I do wonder.

Grammaretto

Good answer Maw but OP did move and her DH thinks they should make the best of it.

It's not the best time of year for this kind of decision making BigBertha and on top of that you have been ill.
I would suggest it takes several years to settle in a new place so perhaps you should give it a chance.

Join in activities on your own account and don't rely on your DD too much.

If you are happy and relaxed you will be better able to make the right decisions.

The trouble is though that once you reach your 70’s (60’s? as I don’t know how old OP and her DH are), you may not have “several years to give it a chance” OP’s move was made with the best of intentions but if the disadvantages outweigh the advantages any reconsidering should perhaps not be left too long.
I have to admit that many big decisions were made with my heart, not my head, and with hindsight were wrong. But we made the best of them.
So, family discussion? Heart to heart with DH and DD?
Things may seem different once the post-Christmas “dip” is past.

Knowing bb a little, she will already be making her own life not relying on her daughter but it must be disappointing not to see more of her as distance isn't a problem now.

This strikes a chord with me, as I’m in the same position. We moved 18 months ago from where we’d lived for 16 years to be nearer daughter with grand daughter and old friends from when we lived down here in the 80’s.. My husband immediately became very ill following the move and I’ve spent the time in our new house as a full time carer, which has prevented us from doing all the things we’d planned here: walking, joining clubs and societies, meeting new people etc, etc. We see less of our grand daughter than before we moved! I also spend a lot of time driving my husband back to where we were before for medical treatment which we can’t access in our new place. I’ve met up with old friends and realise how much I miss them. People we thought were friends down here in the new place haven’t been near us. In short, it has been disastrous and I think we made a big mistake. A warning to anyone thinking of doing the same. I’m seriously thinking we should just move back to where we came from, but wondering if I can face another move….

Calendargirl, similar here. My nearest DD and her husband are thinking ahead to moving in 7 years time, when the dgc have finished school. They could go north to the n lakes or to s wales, where we used to live. I have another dd in s wales and a ds in scotland. I gulped when I heard them say that but the upside is that it is giving me time to save, just in case

I would go to either as we used to live near kendal but am hoping that their choice would be s wales. I know that I would move willingly to that little town we lived close to for 32 years but I am not overthinking this as anything could happen. Either way I would still want to be in proximity to shops etc so that would be at least 30 minutes drive from each dd.

Being widowed does bring its problems, coping with moving or driving

I don’t whisper it, I shout it out loud 😄
I put on a good show for many years and then in the 80s when the children were doing their own thing I decided to stop the pretence.
I did Crisis at Christmas for some years and then many local charities on Xmas day.
But then in 2006 the first grandchild came along and I had to join in again. Thankfully everyone knows I’m just going along with it 😄

so glad things are back to the "everyday", has always suited me best.

BB I made the decision this year NOT to move close to family, for the reasons you outline. The Familiar is too dear and I don't wish or have the energy to start afresh. all the bests with your decision.

I’m so sorry BigBertha that you’re feeling this way. I agree with others who have said to try to find a life “apart” from DD and maybe you’ll feel more settled. But my heart says says try to look at moving back where you were happy …. Sorry, I’m not much help.

Calendargirl depends on the areas I think. Round here, nothing much is moving.

Yes Kitty, house prices round us are falling, particularly higher end ones, cheaper properties still going quite fast.

Means you will pay less, but also get less for selling.

Our DD lives in Australia. Our DS lives a few minutes away from us, we saw a lot of his family when the children were young, helping with school runs, meals etc.

Now the GC are 18 and 15, DS and DIL often talk about moving away once the children are at university/ left home.

Made me realise that in our old age, we might have no family around us. That’s what could happen if we had moved to be near either of them.

Bit sad, if either of us die, the one left might be rather lonely.

I don't know about other areas but house prices are falling round here so now might be the time to do it!

Good answer Maw but OP did move and her DH thinks they should make the best of it.

It's not the best time of year for this kind of decision making BigBertha and on top of that you have been ill.
I would suggest it takes several years to settle in a new place so perhaps you should give it a chance.

Join in activities on your own account and don't rely on your DD too much.

If you are happy and relaxed you will be better able to make the right decisions.

I agree with the other posters,

If you can move back to where you were happy, even in a smaller home, that would be good. I know moving nearer to family sounds a good idea at the time, but from the experience of friends of mine it doesn’t always work, as grandchildren grow up and children have busy lives.

Do it whilst you still have the energy. Best of luck.

Me too, I am so very glad it is over. It always reminds me of mil, invited to alternative homes for christmas, the granny in the corner. Visits, smiles and hugs but in between, that deep down loneliness that no-one else can see.

BB I can see what your intuition is telling you. You need to make that decision fast as prices gaps keep widening. I always resolved not to move too close to any of my AC, which leaves them free to move if they want and me with my precious independence

You have to be canny and straight, the price gap is widening and you need to make that decision. Your intuition is talking to you

Dare I whisper “Me too”

I cope well enough on my own (well sort of) andI love my family to bits, but the public jollity, pressure to be cheerful, all the ho, ho, ho is a bit hollow without Paw. I pin on the smile, and am happy to see the little ones excited, but will be glad to get back to normality and to making the best of my life.
If you and your DH are not happy OP, I would seriously look at whether you can change things or if cutting your losses might not be better.
You have each other at present, how would either cope on your own?
Have you seriously looked at why you do not see enough of the family? Have you looked at all the possibilities of things to get involved with in your own right, to build a supportive circle of friends?
Now that I have made a new life of sorts without Paw I am resisting all attempts to get me to move nearer D1 (couldn’t afford 2 or 3, they’re in London) because I am “me” here, not somebody’s Mum or Granny.
But life is too short to be unhappy and the housing market volatile- why don’t you make 2023 the year you make up your minds?
Good luck - and Happy New Year!

I agree with oopsadaisy. It is also quite good to look around, it is a positive thing to do and you might just find somewhere you would be comfortable with, perhaps going south but still in a reasonably priced area. If it’s anything like here there are huge differences even between adjoining suburbs. I’d be trawling the online ads !

Happy New Year to you too.

Maybe look at something that you can afford to move to?

Life’s too short to be miserable.