Second time around relationship

Sorry but you cannot have a relationship where the other woman is still involved? You don't know what he's giving her, he should have broken ties long ago so you could lead a life together.. Keep your money to yourself and never say how much you have, your a strong woman don't commit to anything, You say you have been together for 10 years, you should know what he's like by now, don't weaken or he's won you over..

Well, now you have bought a house together it’s freed up a heap of cash for him to spend.

Although he wasn’t open with you about housing his wife, it’s his money so there is little you can do, unless this is a deal breaker for you.

Thank goodness your finances are separate.

If you’ve been together for 10 years already, would have thought you would know much more what things were like.

As BlueBelle says, pity you decided to buy a house together. As things are, you would be better staying independent.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

He hasn’t really separated from her has he?
You are blaming her (she’s manipulative etc etc) but he’s obviously still much more entangled with her then is comfortable for you
What a shame you put all your eggs in one basket and bought a house together

He paid her a settlement when he left. From what I have heard through the grapevine, she never went without when he left and she found ways to get extra money, as she chose not to work. She did find another relationship which didn't work and ended up turning to him for financial help, she now is working.
He wasn't forth coming telling me about his rental arrangement.
We don't share any finances as I keep my finances separate and pay for the house, etc, into a joint account.
Thanks for your replies.

Did you not know that any of this was going on before you bought a house together? Sounds as if you don’t know him very well…..

"Apart from having bought a house together, have you kept your finances separate; separate bank account, savings accounts etc. and are you splitting the household bills equally?"

Crucial feeling: keep it that way!
and stand up for yourself form now on. this is not a good start.

As regards his ex tho, it depends what agreements they made, but why was this not discussed, or was it concealed?

I moved in with my now nearly Ex, and it was like the old saying "once they get their knees under the table".

dont get married either unless these worries are over.

maybe it was part of their divorce settlement so talk to him about it
maybe it is her home forever but she has to pay rent as part of that

Apart from having bought a house together, have you kept your finances separate; separate bank account, savings accounts etc. and are you splitting the household bills equally?

If so, then I suppose it's up to him what he does with the rest of his money just as it should be up to you, what you do with yours. Having said that, I wouldn't be comfortable in this situation either. Having been together for 10 years before buying a home together, I would have expected more willingness to discuss this type of issue.

If you feel as if you may have made a mistake, is it possible for you to leave the relationship, have him buy you out or you buy him out, or sell the house and divide the proceeds?

Perhaps discussing this with him may make him realise that his attitude needs to change.