Bad parenting of Number 2

Just heard on the News Quiz;
First the worst
Second the best
Third the one with the hairy chest.
they were discussing the rather popular book published this week

I'm a middle so had a special spot for our #2.
I remember my DM buying him a bike of his very own and he was so thrilled.
I joked that #3 was the favourite because we'd had to wait a while to meet him
The girl was the baby and probably a bit spoiled.
We never went in planes. When you have 4 DC you don't have money for foreign holidays.

As second child, I wasn’t really the spare, but since boys were ‘more important’ I certainly resented that.
I asked DD2 if she sympathised with Harry. Her response? “You’d got over all your panicking with *, so my life was much easier thanks to her.

My daughter is my second child and I think I was probably more relaxed with her. She didn't get away with nonsense, but my perception of nonsense had eased.

There's a lot of truth in that statement 👍

Joseanne

A bit of fun.
How did you manage parenting your second child's resentment dislike of their position in the family? Of course it all depends on their temperament, but here's one of my funnies.
DD was cross her big brother got on the plane ahead of her and sat in the window seat. Cue a big meltdown in front of 200 passengers. In the interests of a peaceful flight for all, my DH's answer was to offer to buy her 5 beanie babies at our destination. Job done! Except she then milked that one every time!
She was one who could easily be bribed.

Joseanne: How did you manage parenting your second child's resentment dislike of their position in the family? Of course it all depends on their temperament

Our 4 daughters are spaced by 20 years, 2 different family really.

We kept everything fair to each group of 2, not between both sets of 2 as the 20 years difference had changed our lives, my husband's income.

They don't care, understanding how many they are, financial needs for their care at their particular point in time (uni, lessons, or whatnot).

I was the eldest of two, my brother is four years younger. Mum always favoured him and still does. This is to his detriment as, at 60, he lives off her and with her, is an alcoholic and takes no responsibility for bills or maintenance of the flat where he lives free. Mum still defends him, and always did so we don't have a great relationship really. My daughter is my second child and I think I was probably more relaxed with her. She didn't get away with nonsense, but my perception of nonsense had eased.

As the eldest of two daughters with a 7 year gap between I did not get any "privileges". On the contrary, my mother was several months pregnant when my parents married so it was soemthing of a wartime shotgun wedding (1944). I later realised that my father had probably not been ready for the responsibility of fatherhood. He was called up to serve in the navy and absent when I was born. So I think my appearance was always resented and an unpleasant shock he never got over.

My sister, on the contrary, was a planned child and grew to be outstndingly pretty. I can recall my mother chiding me for being a "naughty girl" and "having my nose puushed out." There was no concept then of making an older child still feel loved and involved with a later arrival.

My sister never had to wear any of my hand me downs because mine were all from the second hand market. By the time my sister went to secondary school I was working. I used to swear that every pound I gave my mother for my "keep" went onto my sisters back to buy her spanking new unfiorms. Certainly she never wanted for anything. My gran said she was "spoiled rotten".

Needless to say there was a lot of resentment both ways. My sister used to snitch and get me into trouble. It was always she who was believed and I who got a whalloping. I was the black sheep and she the golden princess.

My experiences as a child were largely responsible for my own decision never to have children.

I was the second child for 9 years then my younger brother arrived.
He was the golden one allowed to do things me and older brother weren't.
Even now me and big brother say if he does something different to us it's
because he had a TV in his room.
He's in his 50's now and still the golden one.

I was the 3rd child out of four. My parents were very young having the first two so I benefitted greatly from their gained experience of parenting. They also had more money as I grew up and I subsequently benefited from this too. The 4th child did even better …..😏

I once made the mistake of calling our second one, the only boy, "My son and heir" which upset DD1 as she took it seriously 😂

Being one of 5,i did not notice much,too busy helping my mother with the younger ones.
My boys were 16 months apart,so the eldest cannot remember life without him.
But as V3ra said,you can go by the window next time.

I have one older brother and being the youngest was never an issue, in fact we were extremely close. I had a slightly bigger bedroom probably because I had more to fit in; dolls house, lots of dolls and all of their paraphernalia and can never remember my brother being bothered by it.

My brother was mum's 'golden child'and I was my dad's until the marriage broke down and then I hardly ever saw him which did make life difficult for me at times but it never impacted on my relationship with him.

Goodness knows why, but it didn’t occur to me until I was much older to resent the fact that I wasn’t allowed riding lessons at (then) 7/6d a week, while my younger brother (sole boy with 3 sisters) was sent to a boarding school. (I attended a grammar school - obviously free).

My mother most definitely favoured her golden only boy, but by the time I felt like mentioning it to her (it wouldn’t have achieved anything but tears and sulks) she had dementia anyway.
Should add that I get on fine with my brother - it wasn’t his fault!

I was the eldest but had the tiny bedroom because my younger sibling was a boy.

DD(No 2) fiercely monitored all interactions involving her and her older brother. to make sure she did not miss out on anything and the playing field was always level.

I never realised that the second DD didn’t like her position in the family, as she was the quiet one.She said later, in late teens tho, that it wasn’t good and like Prince Harry,she had a moan about the smaller bedroom,🤣 also about the hand me downs.

Mine were ok girl first, boy second, girl third so no hand downs and eldest and youngest got on great while middle boy had plenty of his own friends I always tried to treat them equal to the last penny. All shared the same bedroom till they were into double figures so no nonsense there if I d have had the aeroplane problem they would have all had a turn in the window seat
However not made much difference they’re all live separate lives in three different countries and don’t have a lot of contact
😲

As the eldest child, with a sister only 21 months my junior, I was very conscious, even as a child, of all the privileges I got as the oldest child - bigger bedroom, often not sharing with two younger sisters and so on. As a result we decided to try and have two children, close in age who would be treated equally, regardless of sex or age, except where safety or law required it, and enerally we did pretty well, which was a good thing because, almost from day 1, DD(No 2) fiercely monitored all interactions involving her and her older brother. to make sure she did not miss out on anything and the playing field was always level.

We seem to have been successful because sister and brother get on really well. Their careers took them in opposite directions, and just cannot be compared, DH married and has children. DS decided against both having a partner and children, on the basis that she is far too uncompromising and demanding to sustain a relationship, still less adapt to bringing up children - and I think she is right. However she adores her niece and nephew, and they love her.

I would probably have tossed a coin to see who had the window first, otherwise, if the choice was not DD, I would be accused of favouritism.

My brother was younger than me and got everything he ever wanted, he was my Mums favourite until she died.

We always treated our 2 girls exactly the same and there have never been any problems, I’ve just asked MissOops if she felt any resentment growing up ‘2nd’ and she says “No of course not, can I have another cake?”

Okey dokey then..

I would have sat in the window seat myself and said we would negotiate positions for the flight home, dependant on good behaviour during the flight.

That made made me laugh GG. I always referred to my middle one as the middlest. Seemed unfair that she should just be the middle one!

I would have suggested they swop seats half way through the flight

If we are talking bribing we told our youngest two that the plane wouldn’t take off till they were asleep, consequently they nodded off quickly.

This has backfired as my DD still falls asleep immediately and we are left to look after GC.

I was the ‘second’ child, and think it’s swings and roundabouts.

I had to wear the outgrown clothes from number one, but as we grew older, she paved the way for me in many ways, I was allowed to do certain things earlier than she had done.

She always felt I was more ‘spoilt’ being the younger one.

I never felt I was the ‘spare’. 😂

With my own two, one of each sex, always tried to be fair, probably they don’t agree with that!

No problem here. We only had one child.