Shall I conduct this funeral?

Excellent reply from Aveline. I agree.

Courage, you will do a great job.

Aveline

If you don't know the man concerned can you throw yourself into carrying out the actual musical rendering to the very best of your ability? I mean 'lose' yourself in this worthwhile task. I'm sure it will be something the family will appreciate. You'll be doing something nice for them.

I agree. Try and do it as nobody else can.

I'm sure you will make the right decision for you; as you say you hope to be absorbed in the music and concentrate on conducting the choir.
And as you don't know the person that should help you to feel more detached from the other proceedings and do a professional job as always.

If I understood your post lucky, you are conducting the choir. I remember your journey to your husband’s death and I’m not surprised this one is reminding you of the loss.

I’m with Maw in believing you will make the right decision and find the strength and confidence yiu need

Is it the actual funeral you are conducting or the choir?

If the latter you should hopefully be able to detach yourself from your own emotions and focus on the music.
However, it is important to remember the people who matter most at a funeral- the bereaved- and those who have a professional role to fulfil have to be able to subjugate their own feelings so as to give 100% to the event. I remember many years ago a clergy friend unwisely insisted on conducting his wife’s funeral, saying he felt it his duty as a husband and a priest.
Poor man, he barely got beyond the second sentence when he broke down and his curate had to take over. We all felt for him but also that he should not even have attempted it. We are all only human.
I am sure you will make the right decision and that you will rise to the occasion, letting the music carry you through.

I expect once you get started you will be more involved with conducting than thinking about other things. You will be able to talk to people afterwards and maybe then fill up. Good luck.

Thank you for these thoughts - I am hoping that I can simply get absorbed into the act of singing and conducting.

If you don't know the man concerned can you throw yourself into carrying out the actual musical rendering to the very best of your ability? I mean 'lose' yourself in this worthwhile task. I'm sure it will be something the family will appreciate. You'll be doing something nice for them.

I conduct(different definition of word) funerals professionally I have also done the funerals of close family and friends professional me gets the job done I've never been a quivering tearful wreck during the service Don't doubt your ability plus if a wee tear falls you will have your back to the congregation