DH doesn't want to go on holiday anymore

What’s the saying about retirement? “Men grow slippers and women grow wings”

Maybe this is all it is. I think I’d be more concerned about him sitting around all day doing nothing

I think if you go away on your own, you will grow wings and find a freedom you never realised you had

If that is the case Eloethan, why not discuss this with his partner? Refusing to talk about it will not help, will it?

Maybe there's a reason he doesn't like travelling now. Possibly health ones - eg does he need access to toilets on a frequent basis, has he problems with hearing, sight, does he get travel sick, etc, etc.

I’ve also been with One Traveller and totally agree with Dustyhen. I’ve had 4 trips with them and it’s always been a good mix - some are in a similar position to you and it’s certainly not a “singles” holiday in the matchmaking sense!!

I haven’t read the whole thread, but as someone who has regularly travelled alone (married or single), my advice is: do travel. To stay in your comfort zone (if that’s what you want) just start by doing the kind of trips you are used to.

Quite a few posters mention bladder etc. problems which they feel hold them back. Surely nowadays there are solutions out there? Remember the TV ad with the woman patting her rear in delight at her new protective knickers?? It must be awful always having to be on the lookout for a convenient loo. Your GP may well be able to give advice, or look online. Larger Boots have a section too. Good luck!

A friend of mine also had a husband who wouldn’t travel, and she went on all sorts of exciting adventures on her own, often as part of a group of other single travellers.

Has he been diagnosed with something worrying and so as not 'worry' you, not mentioned it?

If you can afford it, perhaps a move to be closer to the coast in a nice area would be OK, or does your husband only consider going abroad as "a holiday"? If you live in the UK, I know the weather isn't always great but a stay in a holiday cottage and a walk on the beach every morning sounds like heaven to me.

I am not happy with Saga. They cancelled 2 holidays my friend and I had booked last year. They then offered a 10% discount on holidays with had just been increased 10% 2 weeks before. Glad to say we have booked other holidays but not with Saga

My husband doesn't want to go away either. He travelled all over the world with his work and wants to stay in the local area now. While he was away I brought up the children and thought my time to see the world would be now. I used to get upset by his lack of interest in holidays especially when friends were going on lovely cruises etc with their husbands. My husband was delighted when I found One Traveller which caters for solo travellers who are over 50. He is more than happy for me to go and enjoy seeing places. I have now been on 6 of their holidays and the age range has been from late 50s to late 80s so they are aware of those with dodgy knees and bladders! They do wonderful get togethers the night before travel at a hotel for those who live far from the departure point so you can meet some of the group then. Also they run a system where you are allocated a number and this is randomly placed at the dinner table while on the holiday so you get to mix with everyone and then no one is left out. The tour managers are always there for you. While the holidays appear more expensive than some they always in my experience have the nicest restaurants, hotels and shows. I would heartily recommend them to you OP. I have already got my next holiday booked with them for the autumn!

But Gabrielle56 that comment to skate was a bit harsh, surely?

Solo jaunts around the world to exotic places is fine IF funds are not an issue! Otherwise a partner of one who is Not For going anywhere soon is in for a long and boring time of it. There are millions of elderley and retired couples for whom his n hers world trips are a fantasy. Dau trips are a way of starting. Step by step to a breakaway in UK somewhere not too far away. It is true that a change is as good as a rest and a change of scenery refreshes the spirit, without traipsing abroad where often everything is a bit yuk anyway!

Hey! Gabrielle56 you just used my favourite exclamation, usually abbreviated to OMGA! I travel easyjet to and from Bristol regularly and do roll my eyes at the 'speedy boarding' myth. They pay extra for the privilege, walk out (often in the rain) before me and then queue at the front steps of the plane (behind the families with small children, which is fair enough) while I stroll to the back steps, climb straight up and find my seat.
(Sorry OP, that's no help to you!)

skate

Just book a solo holiday and go! Why upset hubby any more by digging any deeper? He doesn't want to go - end of. Give him a break. Life's too short for 'ifs and buts' - it is what it is so paddle your own canoe. A cruise is great for singles, I have found. My husband died so I have no choice but I have found thar holidaying alone is absolutely fine. Just do it!!

Exactamondo! Your husband died. You got early release? Bit of a non runner if there's any sort of love and affection between a couple don't you think? Why not go whole hog and get divorced just so one can go abroad? Nice one......

Total sympathy! I am in the same position, not able to do what I’d like to do in retirement. DH went on holidays with me when I was working and could pay for both of us. He was never interested, but enjoyed them when he got there. He prefers to buy things, rather than travel. I could go solo but don’t want to. I’m trying to be content, but always longing for his interested and willing company. Covid has played into his feelings, so that he point blank refuses to get on a plane now. He will agree to a few nights in a hotel occasionally though. It’s frustrating!

Not all men are like this, but I do have friends who have (retired) husbands who have become “stuck-in-the-mud” types. Those wives holiday on their own with another friend or find small tour groups to interesting places. Try trekking on your own on a short excursion and see how you like it.

I think men have a tendency to get depressed when not productive. They tend to feel irrelevant. But it’s very hard to convince a partner to seek counseling. Maybe if he could start by talking to your son? Man to man.

Encourage some kind of hobby related to his interests. That might get him out of the chair. I think both H and W should have separate interests, hobbies as a mental break.

I wish you luck. (I can tell how concerned you are.) I also wish you luck in finding some independence on your own to fulfill your personal interests - whatever it takes.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

My husband no longer wants to go abroad. I run a few art holidays, off to Sardinia and India with them this year, he will come to the one in Anglesey with me and knows some of my students so will enjoy that, we'll have several UK trips to family and friends and will probably book a cottage one week
. He is 76 I'm 66 so maybe that is what makes the difference, he doesn't mind I'm off to NZ with a friend next week for a month, I wouldn't put him under pressure to go.

Fae1

There are many Solo holidays operators - eg. "Just You". It's a great way to travel solo. You meet new people, make friends and sometimes if you really hit it off you can arrange future holidays together. I have, and thoroughly enjoy it. You go with like minded people.

Ok if you're truly "solo" but doubt it would go down at all with anyone s partner if one were to announce " Tara! I'm off round Egypt on me own seeya in two!!" 😅🤣

Oh my giddy aunt lizzypopbottle youve just laid my mind out 100% agree!! I sometimes wonder if the "abroaders" imagine they're rich uns? Where VIP lounge fast track check in(done that ,it's a dream!) Owning property so no need to pack, and ndlss finds to have staff to pander to all ones needs !! Hilarious when you think about the difference between that and reality!! I truly believe that we in UK don't want to travel abroad 90% of the time, we simply what a summer where kids can play out in warm and dry, we can visit places without packing for downpour/ packed lunch as food dear and rubbish/ extra water for stuck in traffic jams TC etc. We can't. We have to assume we'll get all four seasons in one day/week etc and that indoors entertainment is sparse if any , expensive and frankly cr4p! It's about time UK accepted our rubbish climate and lack of options and spent some real money on putting customers first for a change! We only do capital cities now and culturally interesting trips for 5days max. I love my home and the older I get , prefer to stay within driving home distance away!

You are describing my husband to a T ChattyKathy, I too am resigned to travelling alone if I want to do the trips on my list, it's almost like he's winding down !

It's different strokes for different folks (remember that TV show?) of course, BUT shock, horror... When our family was young, I hated going abroad on holiday. 🤔 So much organising for three children and their constant bickering when away from their familiar surroundings, possessions and friends. We went because my husband wanted a complete break away from work and to be out of touch by phone etc. but he moaned constantly about the children's refusal to eat anything they weren't used to and my obvious lack of enthusiasm! Early on, I refused to go self-catering. That was a proper busman's holiday! Guess who did all the food prep! It was eat out or don't eat! I would (privately, of course, I wasn't a complete shrew!) count the days down till the mid point and then say to myself, "Right! We've broken the back of it now!" Then I'd continue to count down until that airline allowed me to come home, where I (and the children) could relax. I was unable to leave before that plane was ready to take me and I felt trapped.

Friends and family couldn't believe I was so reluctant to go away but when you've sat on a beach or beside a pool, looked round a church, admired a landmark, read a hundred books, searched desperately for shade (Ephesus springs to mind) and eaten in a restaurant a few times, you've done it all. I can do all that, if I choose, here in the UK and I can decide for myself how long to stay and get home, if I wish to, under my own steam. I don't dislike flying or driving. I just prefer to be in control of me!

Now my family are flown and my poor, long suffering husband died nearly fifteen years ago, I still feel the same about going on holiday! It's just not worth the hassle or the expense! My daughter has three young children and she feels the same as I did back then.

By the way, how did shrews get such a bad rep?

There are many Solo holidays operators - eg. "Just You". It's a great way to travel solo. You meet new people, make friends and sometimes if you really hit it off you can arrange future holidays together. I have, and thoroughly enjoy it. You go with like minded people.

We’ve always gone abroad twice a year. But as we were heading for the airport, I’d have a feeling of not wanting to go. I hated the whole airport scenario, going from one queue to another. Hated taking off and landing. But it was ok when I was there. But I would be counting the days till we were home. I just missed my home and family.
I think part of it was it being just the two of us.
Since covid we’ve made the decision not to go any more. The relief of not worrying about going on holiday is wonderful.

Boolya

Saga also include the price of transport to the airport or to the cruise terminal from your home. They return you too.

Yes, my sister and BiL have taken a few Saga cruises - the chauffeur-driven journeys from the Yorkshire Dales to Southampton - and back again - are a big plus!