How many children did you have and was it on purpose ?

Three. All planned.
Can’t see much excuse for unplanned pregnancies.

Four children, the first two, both boys, ten minutes apart and I can’t honestly say the second one was planned! Then a girl 2 years later and another girl 5 years after her. First girl a happy accident, second one planned. Their father died when the youngest was just 21, and they have been such a source of love and support to me ever since. They have given me 9 super grandchildren and are constantly in touch. We always wanted four.

As I said, we only have one. I did worry about her not liking being an only child but she only had one herself so she must have been OK.

I'm an only child, born in the 60s, whose parents simply couldn't afford to have any more children. Mum worked as soon as was able but they still struggled with bills, etc as dad didn't earn much. I've no idea how larger families manage but I was determined to have 2 children as hated/hate being an only one.

First was unplanned but not unwanted, second was planned, then followed a number of miscarriages until I decided I was too old and gave up trying. I was in my mid thirties with both mine but if I'd been younger would have wanted 3 or 4. I don't envy people with huge families. I knew a family with 6 boys - I suspect they kept trying in the hope of having a girl, though I may be wrong!

MawtheMerrier

Ditto.

I had one after. Quite some time trying, but found motherhood very hard.Terrified of doing it wrong and that a paedophile might get hold of her ( history repeating itself).I would have sent myself mad with anxiety with another ,so didn’t do it.
She tells me now no one strange did get hold of her and she had the best childhood somI did ok!

We have three children, although only intended to have two. I had a coil fitted after the birth of my son and daughter but that didn’t deter number three. So glad we had him, we call him our little extra special. ,

Only one due to cervical cancer so gad hysterectomy when she was 6 months! Would have liked another but happy with my girl! She has a half brother as our marriage didn’t last but her dad had a son when he remarried !
Grateful to be here and see her grow up! She is 42 next week 👍

Thank you Callistemon.

It's fine, Kate if it helps you to offload some of it.

Sorry. Documented was supposed to be crossed out.

Thanks all. I've documented whinged/derailed threads about it many times on here. Only a fraction of it. Everyone is very kind.

biglouis

*Because of the way I was brought up, I did not want any children. I was terrified at home and frightened at school. I enjoy other children but I do not have any responsibility for them. I have never regretted it*

This is exactly how I felt. I never wanted children and was never suckered into that whole mawkishly sentimantal "mother love" thing. I have never been interested in "family life" and could see no purpose which children could serve in my life other than to drag me down physically and financially.

I'm sorry you had a terrible childhood too, biglouis.

You made the right decision if that is how you view motherhood and children because of your childhood experiences.


No child should suffer like that.

Charleygirl and Kate1949

No child should have to feel that way
It's so wrong that so many do.

So sorry about your past charleygirl💙

I made the mistake of marrying a man who already had 2 children and who didn't bother to tell me until after we were married that he didn't want and couldn't afford any more. This was in the early 1970s and he was paying more in child support every month than the cost of our mortgage. In his defence I do have to say that he was not the guilty party in the breakdown of his first marriage.

Our marriage broke down itself after 13 years and by this time I was in my late 30s. I had the odd relationship over the next few years but nothing that really "took" and so my chance for children passed by.

I met my beloved second husband when I was 60; he has 2 grown-up children and I have known all their children (4) since they were born so I have had the joy of being Grandma - I consider myself to be fortunate and don't let myself think about what might have been.

We had 3 DD; the gap between 1 and 2 was 6 years and less than 2 years between 2 and 3!
I suffered from horrendous hyperemesis gravidarum with all 3 pregnancies hence the huge gap ( it took me 5 years to get over the trauma and post natal depression) and welcome baby 2 but DD3 was a happy accident!

2nd pregancy produced 2 babies. Had only ever thought we would have two children the twins though were a delight. Finances were strained though but we managed. No fancy holidays, cars or clothing. Made sure there would be no more!

ExperiencedNotOld

Two, purposely, close enough to be friends. They are still, in their late 20s.

Same here

I have 2 a girl and a boy, both planned. I feel very blessed as I was aged 38 and 40. I spent 16 years avoiding having a baby with someone else who didn't want children. Both my parents were only children. Not sure how my grandparents managed that? I am the eldest of 2.

For all who have lost children.

I had 4, first 2 close together then a gap of 6 years, then another 7 years after that. All wanted and planned.

One (adopted) son and that was definitely neither what I dreamed of.

I dreamed of at least four children, and would have worked hard to support them if a large family had been possible.

In the 1970s and 80s when this was on the cards, we would have been well able to have four or six children financially speaking.

I imagine it is harder today.

biglouis

*Because of the way I was brought up, I did not want any children. I was terrified at home and frightened at school. I enjoy other children but I do not have any responsibility for them. I have never regretted it*

This is exactly how I felt. I never wanted children and was never suckered into that whole mawkishly sentimantal "mother love" thing. I have never been interested in "family life" and could see no purpose which children could serve in my life other than to drag me down physically and financially.

Much as I adore my sons, I do wonder if I could do without the heartbreak, devastation of being denied my GKs for years and being disowned for what? Exactly?! Dunno! And the £10thousands spent on one at least without a nod.? Then I think , yep I could've well done without all that utter heartbreak and given my attention to friends' youngsters without obligation or upset when they drop me like a hot poo!