Why won’t people answer their phones

BlueBelle

Riverwalk if the phone in a car is hands free it’s no different to talking to a passenger sat next to you is it

I can’t not answer a phone but I do believe the younger generation don’t find that a problem they text much more than phone anyway
If I was you I would have texted your daughter in law with the information then you have proof that you gave it to her

I think it’s a bit different, because a passenger can see the situation on the road and know when to stop talking so as not to distract the driver, but the other person in a phone call can’t.

Some people see a spontaneous phone call as as much an intrusion as a spontaneous visit. Text or email seem more acceptable. Pity, a text 'conversation' can only be a series of ultimatums. You can discuss and agree in a phone call. Of course, if one of you is the type who can't end a conversation... :-)

I am not sure thats true Bluebelle there has been some research on the impact hands free conversations have on concentration.

nanna8

I very,very rarely answer my phone these days unless I know who is calling because there are so many scams and unsolicited rubbish calls now. If they want to speak to me they.can leave a message or text- otherwise no.

This ^^

If you wish leave a very short message or email me. I'll quickly email a short reply back when I have time. Done and dusted.

Yes Seadragon I was beginning to think that I obviously lived in another universe. Communication with others is pretty vital and phoning and texting limits being able to convey accurately your thoughts within that message. We communicate not only using words (or abbreviated text talk). Face to face is best but the voice can convey far far more than stark words and a conversation is a two way thing as one is required to use listening skills. The nuances of words cannot be picked up in a text. Misunderstandings can have long-lasting after effects.

Rant over!

Riverwalk if the phone in a car is hands free it’s no different to talking to a passenger sat next to you is it

I can’t not answer a phone but I do believe the younger generation don’t find that a problem they text much more than phone anyway
If I was you I would have texted your daughter in law with the information then you have proof that you gave it to her

I dislike talking on the phone unless it's with somebody I'm really comfortable with, and then not for very long. I always have, and I avoid it where possible. Apparently this is true of a lot of people and it explains why so many prefer to text than to talk one to one. The problem is with the lack of body language and other emotional signals.

More seriously I and many fellow auties have big problems dealing with conflict over the phone, especially if we are on the defensive, because we are not in control of the dialogue. We feel much more comfortable if we have time to compose a response rather than be pressurised into acting on the spot.

There's always a letter, of course. I have found that a non-confrontational handwritten letter works wonders in all kinds of situations, not least because they are so rare these days they demand attention.

I wish I had never answered my phone some years ago, when the daughter from hell called me. A Wensdays evening approx 7.30. Daughter: I'll be down in the morning with the children, I have a home visit from the Social Security to checked I'm living with you.
Me. Oh NO, you are using my address and phone number, you are not using my house.
Daughter. If you want to see your grandchildren again, we will be down in the morning.
She came down in the morning with my granddaughter 10yrs and grandson 6 months. She brought the baby paraphernalia to set the scene. This daughter lied and cheated her way through my life, When I finally 'stood up'' for my self in 2009 she stopped me seeing my grandchildren. I have had to write a special letter to go with my Will, stating why I make no provision for her with the exception of 30 pieces of silver, blood money to Judas.

I always answer my phone. Learnt my lesson years ago, ( pre mobiles), when we were relaxing the evening after my BIL and SIL from Canada had left to drive to Heathrow after visiting us in Devon. The phone ,which in those days was fixed in the hall, rang and my husband and I were both reluctant to drag ourselves up to answer it. My husband did and it was the police in Salisbury to let us know that BIL and SIL had been in an accident, she was dead and he was in intensive care. My husband had to go up to Salisbury that evening to be with BIL and identify SIL. Since then I've never ignored a call.

silvercollie

I am amazed at some of these posts. What sort of enclosed world are we heading for? Reaching out to people is so important. You might need a friendly face one day.

To be honest, I am angry with some of these responses.
The phrase 'living in an ivory tower', comes to mind.

Try living on your own with no-one to talk to except by phone. Oh, so get over yourselves.

Thank goodness, @silvercollie - I thought I was on my own here. Thanks!

Kartush, have you tried asking your DIL how she would prefer you to contact her and when?

Obviously, she is either busy and forgets to phone you back, or feels that your message was one that did not require a reply, whereas you did want her to phone back.

In my experience, this kind of situation is more about you and your DIL or whoever else you are trying to get in touch with having different views on what a phone is actually for then anything else.

If or when I don't get a reply when I phone someone I send them a text, either at once, if the matter is important, or a day or so later, saying something like this:

"I phoned because I really need to speak to you about (whatever it is) Please phone me when convenient but before the weekend, as I am worried/concerned/ need to make arrangements."

This usually works.

If I phone anyone because something important or terrible has happened I say so in the message I leave and in a subsequent text.

If you DIL still fails to respond and won't tell you how she wishes communication to be between you, you really have no option other than next time she bites your head of for not telling her things, saying nicely," Well, please tell me how to do so, when I phone you neither answer nor phone back"

Any form of communication only works if both the sender and the recipient agree on the rules.

I personally am infuriated by those whom I perhaps ask three questions in an e-mail, and they only reply to the first, leaving me to mail back twice to get the other replies I need,

I am amazed at some of these posts. What sort of enclosed world are we heading for? Reaching out to people is so important. You might need a friendly face one day.

To be honest, I am angry with some of these responses.
The phrase 'living in an ivory tower', comes to mind.

Try living on your own with no-one to talk to except by phone. Oh, so get over yourselves.

People are not really bothered by anything which doesn't involve them.

I very,very rarely answer my phone these days unless I know who is calling because there are so many scams and unsolicited rubbish calls now. If they want to speak to me they.can leave a message or text- otherwise no.

Hmm! You say your son is busy. Your DiL isn't. How do you know your DiL isnt busy? You're not their

That strikes me as there is a frostieness with your relationship.

If someone doesn't answer their phone, send a text. That is what text is for. Leaving a voicemail is very old fashioned today.

The only people I know who leave voicemails are professionals. I know you won't like what I say however it's how the world has developed today.

As for me; our landline is never used and doesn't ring. I would have it removed but bizarrely it would put up my media package cost if I did.

Text, either by normal method, or WhatsApp is the generic today. Messenger too.

I also use video call alot with two of my youngsters abroad. I think you need to reconsider how you use technology for your own benefit as well as others

Our family are all in group chats on WhatsApp. As are most of my Group friends. Its much easier to send one text that everybody can read at their leisure. It's so easy to set up a group chat and if you get sick of it pinging or don't want to be included you can exit. My daughter has a different ring tone attached to my number and always responds with a quick call usually saying I'm working mum, is it important, are you OK, or a text saying, in a meeting, I will ring you when it's finished... I rarely answer my land line as its nearly always cold callers. And I always forget to listen to any messages!

I answer mine if and when I want to. It's for my purpose mainly in case of an emergency, not for the convenience of others

Almost always use WhatsApp to message, call, video chat with
family members and friends. They don't always answer, both son and daughter and family are very busy. However, with WhatsApp you can at least tell if they have got the message!

Try a text - much better than leaving voice messages

People like their space, phones can be very intrusive
Especially those people that talk to long on them,
Email or send a text for goodness sake or take the hint and tell your son …

Nora—I love your response. I am not a phone lover. I have gotten use to email. Not intrusive and some idea for the reason for the communication. Not getting caught on the spot and not having time to consider everything needed for the right response.

The only phone calls I tend to answer on my mobile are from my DD and DS1 and DS2. Oh and from my aunt who is 83 .
I tend to keep in touch mostly by text but when I send a text to auntie to ask how she is , she immediately phones me back so I do answer it and have a chat with her .
I hate talking on the phone hence why text is my usual choice of communication.

Same here they will always call when they want something I always think they'll need me first I just get on with doing what I have to and if I'm busy when they need me it's tough luck I am so often told what goes around comes around this is so true plod on love keep smiling

I don't know why some people do this. My sister has obviously blocked calls from family members. There has been no fallings out and we all meet up fairly regularly. She does answer text eventually. She just likes to control when she speaks to anyone. Started in lock down. I think it's slightly odd but our brother says she's rude.

Kartush - if the family situation is genuinely important, send her a letter through the Royal Mail. Her receiving this will be a strong signal that you've tried all other means to pass on this information and you're using a last resort. Is your son contactable? If not then perhaps in the letter you say you'd like a conversation about how you communicate. It seems to me that your DIL prioritises - she may be very busy working - and somehow your messages don't carry the same weight as other things that are more pressing.