Gransnet forums

Chat

Etiquette issue

(49 Posts)
Aveline Wed 22-Mar-23 19:21:50

Last week while sitting reading in a lounge area a man sitting about four feet away from me burped loudly. It was a corker. I was startled but was ready to make some sort of joke about it as he expressed his embarrassment. However, he never said a word and just carried on reading.
Maybe he was hoping I wouldn't notice but people all round couldn't miss it.
Is it best to carry on as though nothing had happened or apologise? What would Grans do?

Aveline Sat 25-Mar-23 06:15:35

Declassee indeed! Luckily, I don't have worry about that.

Quichette Fri 24-Mar-23 22:32:08

This is not normal behavior in the U.S., at least not in the Northeastern states. Excuse me is usual. Pretending you haven't heard is also the norm. Joking about it with strangers would be considered declasée.

4allweknow Fri 24-Mar-23 17:53:44

Wouldn't give it a thought. In Japan it's considered good manners to burp after eating. Perhaps he was reading something Japanese!

knspol Fri 24-Mar-23 17:07:41

My mum used to burp really loudly because of the type of stomach cancer she had. She got to the stage where she wouldn't go out because of disapproving looks and comments from people, very sad.

sodapop Fri 24-Mar-23 14:43:18

LilyoftheValley

I was taught that the correct thing to do was ignore it. If one apologises one draws attention to it thus making it impossible for others to ignore it. Seems a good idea to me.

I agree LilyoftheValley to do otherwise would be a breach of etiquette

Julest Fri 24-Mar-23 14:39:01

My Dad does this all the time now. Really loudly and doesn’t apologise. He is 91 and has the onset of dementia so I know he doesn’t recognise that he is doing it - or does but doesn’t have the understanding to care any longer. I hate going out to eat with him as people look but I know he doesn’t understand as he would never have done it when he was young so I just have to smile and carry on. Manners and social etiquette are difficult as we navigate through life. It would appear that my Dad has poor manners but for people to comment on an uncomfortable situation would also be poor manners. I think sometimes it is easier to ignore things unless someone is obviously behaving in a boorish manner with deliberate disregard for others.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 24-Mar-23 14:30:11

MerylStreep

Burping loudly and not apologising in some cultures is perfectly acceptable.

www.rd.com/list/rude-american-manners/

All very well and good, but we are at liberty in Britain and in Europe where burping, passing wind, yawning, coughing or sneezing without covering your nose and mouth are not good manners to expect others to respect our traditions!

I would say "Excuse me!" or "Pardon!" if I committed any of these breaches of good manners, but like Maw, I would not correct anyone else for not doing so. Two wrongs do not make a right, after all.

BeverleyJB Fri 24-Mar-23 13:41:49

NanaDana

Ignore it. In some cultures it's perfectly acceptable, and even used as a sign of appreciation of a good meal. Wonder what he was reading?... Answers on a postcard please...

I think he was reading the Dale Carnegie classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People”! wink

LovelyLady Fri 24-Mar-23 13:36:07

Wouldn’t mention this to a stranger. Family tho’ now that’s different. I agree good manners is making others feel comfortable.
My grandchildren would giggle if someone had wind regardless of what orifice it left. Had the gentleman held on to his wind, it could perhaps have caused him pain.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 24-Mar-23 12:24:03

This reminds me of what I consider to be a funny story about the late Queen Mother. When riding in a carriage one of the horses broke wind very loudly. The QM said politely something along the lines of, "I'm most terribly sorry," to which the eminent person replied, "Oh, I thought it was the horse!"

It makes me laugh, anyway, but then I'm just a common peasant.

LilyoftheValley Fri 24-Mar-23 12:16:00

I was taught that the correct thing to do was ignore it. If one apologises one draws attention to it thus making it impossible for others to ignore it. Seems a good idea to me.

Grantanow Fri 24-Mar-23 12:02:03

Do not draw attention to it. It is good etiquette not to embarrass others.

Aveline Thu 23-Mar-23 16:32:04

I'm known for my exquisite manners grin

MawtheMerrier Thu 23-Mar-23 16:15:52

Aveline

Except we did all notice!

But with exquisite good manners - ignored.

Aveline Thu 23-Mar-23 15:36:53

Except we did all notice!

biglouis Thu 23-Mar-23 15:35:19

I dont think there is any need to apologise to a room full of strangers whom you are never going to see again. They are probably too busy with their own business to notice you and your noisy bodily functions.

timetogo2016 Thu 23-Mar-23 09:54:37

I always say pardon even if i am on my own,it`s polite habit.

MawtheMerrier Thu 23-Mar-23 09:47:25

eazybee

I think it is a disgusting habit, perfectly controllable but regarded as hysterically amusing by certain sections of the population. I would ignore it and just put it down to poor manners.

It is not always perfectly controllable.
The man in the DT article was on heart medication which causes flatulence. My DH had a lifetime of Ulcerative Colitis and Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis which can both cause farting during flare-ups - about which you can do very little -so don’t be so judgemental and quick to lump everybody together with those who overeat or drink or have poor manners.

foxie48 Thu 23-Mar-23 09:39:08

One of the unfortunate consequences of getting older is our bodies do not function quite as well as when we are younger. I do pilates with a group of older women and it is not unusual to hear the occasional fart. It's perfectly normal. I don't know why people find normal bodily functions a problem.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 23-Mar-23 09:38:30

I often say pardon me if I burp and I'm alone.

NanaDana Thu 23-Mar-23 09:37:44

Ignore it. In some cultures it's perfectly acceptable, and even used as a sign of appreciation of a good meal. Wonder what he was reading?... Answers on a postcard please...

eazybee Thu 23-Mar-23 09:30:49

I think it is a disgusting habit, perfectly controllable but regarded as hysterically amusing by certain sections of the population. I would ignore it and just put it down to poor manners.

Katie59 Thu 23-Mar-23 09:23:56

If someone belched deliberately close to me, I would stand up and look around then ask “did you see a pig run past”.

One son did that, ONLY ONCE.

Chardy Thu 23-Mar-23 09:15:10

About a month ago, inside the space of a week, on 2 separate occasions, as I walked along the road in town, a man belched as he passed me, literally a metre away from me.
Man 1 was unfazed, didn't seem to notice.
Man 2 did look surprised, perhaps slightly embarrassed. But no 'Pardon me'.
Weird

MawtheMerrier Thu 23-Mar-23 09:07:09

If the guilty party, a muttered “Sorry” or Excuse me” should suffice, but drawing attention to it breaches every level of good manners - other than perhaps the pub on Saturday night!