Come in trisher!

The other thing is that, if a person is spending time on a subject, telling you what they do and don't agree with, giving thought out arguments, showing you information you might not be aware of, using analogy to try and help people view the subject from different angles...

Why any assumption they are looking for "gotcha" moments? The likelyhood is they want to be heard and respected and feel welcome in discussion

For me personally I always try to point out when people think I've said or meant something I didn't or are getting personal. Not just because it's unnecessary but because I want to keep that awareness because biting back... feels crappy... even if I'm only human

FannyCornforth

GrannyGravy13

I have no idea if trisher is still on GN under a different name.

She absolutely is! I thought everyone knew!
I’m flabbergasted Jo didn’t know.
And I rarely talked to trisher before she changed her name

I think I'm just oblivious. Or possibly that I'm not on here a lot.

Sounds like overthinking

People don't agree on everything

People express themselves differently

People have different sense of humour

I think sometimes people create monsters only they can see and then spread that fear to others colouring their perceptions. They then can't see that it is their own teeth and claws that are out.

Some people change names on gransnet because they felt they had been placed in a box or had a target on their backs. Some change names because they thought in the moment that this place wasn't a good fit so they deleted their accounts, then return. I've been told both by other members.

For my part I see every thread as a new beginning, no need to bring information or views of anyone involved to a new thread because people can and do change. So no dossier of past opinions and animosities required

Welcome to gransnet, that doesn't happen, every thread on a similar subject the same

DiamondLily

I think if you read sites, even if you don't post that much, the posting style of those that do post more is fairly obvious.

I'm not sure why people change their names as their opinions are their own - but I wouldn't say anything anyway.

Not my circus. 🙂

These threads asking about people are a bit odd though.🤔

Hello, DL 😀

It's good to see you, and I hope you've been doing something interesting, or that it's just that I've missed your posts on here.
I have been wondering where you had gone when I was thinking about FN.

I thought that missing posters weren't supposed to be mentioned, actually. I remember a lot of coded talk about thin dogs and hurled handbags that drove me mad when I was fairly new, as it felt really exclusionary. I don't know what to think - on one hand it seems a shame when posters who are part of the community can't be mentioned, but on the other, a thread like this invites comments - what's the point of a thread that doesn't have comments, and an OP can't declare that their post is for positive remarks only. I assume that the high chance of things getting tetchy is why we aren't supposed to mention people (if, indeed, we aren't - it's another of those non-rules that make staying on the right side of the law on here so difficult).

I have no 'grudge' against anyone in any guise, FWIW, and get so fed up with any disagreement being called 'bullying' or similar. Maybe it's spending too much time in schools that make Some People revert to teacherly condescension? Who knows. It's annoying though, particularly when the terms are used to lay down the law and censor others' posts.

On threads not about trans rights trumping women's rights I found/find trisher's posts more reasonable, and as with others, I agree with some and not others - more 'agree' than 'disagree', probably. Like most people, however, I get irritated by posts that twist what I say, but if there is any doubt I try to rephrase what I've said in case my being unclear is the reason for a misunderstanding. If someone is constantly aggressive, though, and deliberately looks for a chance to say 'Gotcha!' in every post it is tiresome, and it would take a saint not to get tetchy.

What I do disagree with is disingenuous comments claiming to 'be kind' that are clearly trying to stir up trouble, and goady posts, which are followed by 'oh, this has turned into a 'bunfight 😳' when people react as they were intended to. trisher didn't do that, which is in her favour.

Anyway, I've been posting a lot less lately, and this sort of thing is why.

I found out very recently that a lovely member I hadn't seen for a long time had passed away.

I had wondered about her for a while and tried asking after her but eventually I found out on a random thread

I was sad to hear but at least I now know.

People may not ever always know who is behind a screen name but that doesn't mean we don't like and respect them. Not everyone uses this forum in a anonymous capacity for whatever reason

I've been castigated before for revealing information about myself but I am not here to be an anonoymous entity. Friends I have made here, while we dont move in packs to give each other weight or agreement, know exactly who I am

There is always a real person behind the screen name, with theor own strengths and weaknesses, their own thoughts and opinions and their own life struggles and joys. Always

I think if you read sites, even if you don't post that much, the posting style of those that do post more is fairly obvious.

I'm not sure why people change their names as their opinions are their own - but I wouldn't say anything anyway.

Not my circus. 🙂

These threads asking about people are a bit odd though.🤔

GrannyGravy13

I have no idea if trisher is still on GN under a different name.

She absolutely is! I thought everyone knew!
I’m flabbergasted Jo didn’t know.
And I rarely talked to trisher before she changed her name

Kate1949

Why such a fuss about one poster?

I'm guessing because when there is a named person in the title people will automatically "chat" about them? .... Boris, Charles, Harry, Paula Yates Carol Vordernan, and even Grans like MissAdventure and trisher.

Kate1949

Why such a fuss about one poster?

No idea. It’s not really a fuss.
Some posters are mentioned as being missed by a lot of other posters for their helpful or meaningful or simply kind posts.
Sometimes posters who’ve obviously kept in touch with those posters, let us know any recent information. Then it’s lovely to hear about the missing posters, or sad to find that they’re no longer able to post.
The OP says she misses her posts and the way she stood up for fairness.
I didn’t particularly find she stood up for fairness under either pseudonym.

Why such a fuss about one poster?

Fleurpepper

Callistemon21

Fleurpepper

Callistemon21

VioletSky

If anyone PMs me and says "hi, it's me!" Then I'm still going to keep my mouth shut about it because its no one's business

No time for gossip and drama today lol

🤔
But surely that goes without saying?

What if someone sends you a pm saying 'ah, is that you?'

You could say yes in a pm (or ignore it) but wouldn't expect the other person to post it.

that sort of think is usually done by the back door- pms to 'group' (as I won't use the other word for it).

You just asked me What if someone sends you a pm saying 'ah, is that you?'
And I did say you could Ignore it!

In exactly what way does that make the two posters a group?

kittylester

Could someone please translate this thread into English, please.

😂😂😂

GagaJo

Or even just when they last posted.

That would help for some things, such as if they have just started to post in Games or somewhere you don't go, but haven't vanished, but being able to see all posts would be more useful. You can see a lot on Google, but they seem fairly random and inconclusive.

Or even just when they last posted.

Galaxy

Should I just confuse everything by saying I dont think have seen Far North lately and wondered if she was ok.

Yes, it is a while since she posted.

I think a way of getting to posters posts (as in a 'see all posts by this user' link) would be useful. They exist on a lot of boards, and I doubt they are expensive. That way we could check if someone's last post said they were going on a long holiday, or that they were ill, or something, and it would save speculation and concern. It would also be useful if there is a 'suspect' post that people think might be fake. If everything else that poster had posted was dubious, or if someone comes along every six weeks asking about the same thing, it is helpful to know before replying.

I hope FN is ok.

Fleurpepper

I do wonder what is the record on GN?

We had a poster some years ago called GrandJura?
I lost count with her at about 5.
There was another called Soontobe. I lost count completely with her.

Hope they are OK!

I noticed it the other day gagajo. Hope she doesnt mind me mentioning it!

kittylester - as the OP, I'll summarise. Started with good intentions, turned into a bun fight.

Ooooo Galaxy. Good point.

Don't mind me, just reading back through the thread to make sure things did happen in the order I said they did

I was not mistaken

Should I just confuse everything by saying I dont think have seen Far North lately and wondered if she was ok.

Could someone please translate this thread into English, please.

If I ever decide to leave and then return, please will no-one start a thread asking about it?😂

If that hadn't happened, nobody would have been any the wiser. Yes, some of us are aware of who the 'new' poster is, but nobody has outed her, which is good, I think. As others have said, there are all sorts of reasons why people change names, and there is nothing wrong with that, so long as they don't use the new one for nefarious purposes.

pms, as said. That is where the gossip goes.

Group? By the back door? What are you suggesting?