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How much interest did your parents take in your education?

(125 Posts)
biglouis Sat 01-Apr-23 12:40:07

I grew up in a part of Liverpool which we would probably now call "respectable" working class. People in the area had mainly manual jobs in factories. If you weorked in a shop or office you were "posh".

Back in the 1950s school was somewhere they HAD to send me so far as my parents were concerned. What happened to me there was of very little concern to them. My mother was a SAHM until I was 14 then she got a part time job to make ends meet. The main priority was to get me to leave school and get a job (any job) to conribute to the family budget. Like many men of his time my father did not approve of his wife working. He was supposed to be the "breadwinner".

Even when I was studying for GCE my parents took no interest in whether I did my homework or passed my exams. In fact if he saw me with books out my father used to tell me to put it away and go and help my mother in the kitchen. Thats how much book learning was valued in our house.

The only good thing that occurred so far as school was concerned was that my father taught me to box and hit back when I was being bullied by an older much bigger boy. I broke his nose and was never bullied in school again.

By contrast my grandmother asked all the questions you would expect a parent to ask. What lessons I had done, what marks I had got. Had I misbehaved?

grannyactivist Thu 20-Apr-23 19:38:35

None. I was very bright and did well at Junior school (usually at or near the top of the class in exams) and achieved a scholarship for a Direct Grant Grammar School. My mother declined the place as she would have had to pay for unaffordable equipment. Instead I went to the local Grammar School and hated it for many reasons, but (maths apart) I actually loved the lessons.

When I was in my early teens I had moved to live with my dad. He refused the school’s offer an education grant of £2 a week that would have allowed me to stay on at school and insisted that I leave school and get a job as he needed the money.

So I left school at 15 with no qualifications, but never stopped learning (still a lifelong learner now) and later on put myself through college and university. None of my siblings went into Higher Education and all my sisters achieved careers that paid far better than mine, but in the family I am still referred to as ‘the clever one’. 🥴🤪

NotSpaghetti Thu 20-Apr-23 19:00:22

What a great life story Deedaa

Shelflife Thu 20-Apr-23 18:41:51

Sadly I failed my 11+ . Private education was out of the question. My father was too busy working to pay much attention to my education. My Mum was lovely and never made me feel a failure. Both my parents were wonderful! They did help as much as possible with homework and Mum never missed parents evening. I left school at 15 - school was not my favorite place and I was keen to leave.
Despite my parents supporting love regarding the 11+ I did feel I had failed! I studied later in life and gained a first class degree from Manchester Uni. I felt I had redeemed myself!! Don't get me going on the issue of the 11+ !!! 😡 It completely demoralized me .

Luckygirl3 Thu 20-Apr-23 17:46:24

They expected me to work hard and do well. Neither were graduates, although my Mum got an OU degree when she was 60.

They even promised me a meal out if I passed the 11+ (something that was NEVER EVER done in our family) - come the day we had lunch in my Dad's works canteen!!!

watermeadow Thu 20-Apr-23 17:43:35

I think that, when we were young, parents were not expected to participate in our schooling. Home and school were different worlds.
My parents always thought I was stupid and when I got a place in the top grammar school they were just relieved that they wouldn’t have to pay for a private school.
My brothers were hugely more important. Our parents had also been to grammar schools and left our education to our excellent schools.

Callistemon21 Wed 19-Apr-23 14:12:18

Reported.

SunnyGuy Wed 19-Apr-23 13:31:17

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SunnyGuy Wed 12-Apr-23 15:19:57

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PaperMonster Wed 05-Apr-23 11:33:18

I was at secondary in the 80s. My parents weren’t supportive at all. But they scolded me when I was getting in trouble because I was struggling with the amount of hours I had to do, the homework, the bullying etc. I was completely exhausted. It was horrendous. I have a child at secondary now and I do all I can to support them.

Saggi Wed 05-Apr-23 07:16:20

My dad was very into education in the 1950’s …but my elder brothers and sister disappointed him . Then I came along and he saw a glimmer of hope….mum wasn’t interested. My job was to help her in house while my brothers played In Street …( my sis married by then)… I toiled at school and my father had hopes of me going to grammar…I passed 11+ but mum ( who ruled) said no to that , and of I trotted around the corner to local Secondary Modern… they let me take the 13+ and again I passed , but mum dug her heels in! My Sec. Mod. School did everything they could for me , included getting me ready to take 10 O Levels….then …just two months before that event started my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s ..and lost his job . My mum took me out of school and ‘that was that’ . She did not believe in education for girls… and thought it a waste of time… my dad was just pleased that one of his kids lived up to what he knew he was himself … a very clever albeit frustrated individual who’d had no chances in life! He had left school at 13.
In defence of my mother…. she was not a SAHM… in 50’s 60’s or 70’s …she held down a full time job and a few menial jobs to get us kids what we wanted as well as needed!
Dad died when I was 20 …but mum worked full time til she was 73. I do not condemn her for the way she thought. She gave me a good grounding in the way she thought my like would go…menial work and ‘looking after men’….I just wish she’d given some thought to my frustrated brain.

Parsley3 Tue 04-Apr-23 22:49:08

My parents and wider family took no interest at all in my education. I was dux at primary school after coming first in the qualifying exam for entry to the senior secondary school but there was no question of me going to university as I had to get a job and earn money for my keep. Later, when I got into teacher training college, my grandmother thought that I was getting above my station. It would have been nice to have had a bit of praise or even an acknowledgement that I could actually achieve something.

Sandytoes Tue 04-Apr-23 20:28:01

I was very academically bright as a child. My parents thought they encouraged me but in reality I felt pressured . I walked out of school at 16 and got a job . I did do professional and academic qualifications in my 20s, 30s and 40s but feel I didnt completely fulfil my potential. In a bid not to repeat this I didnt pressure my children at all . Despite being very bright ( and now having very reasonable careers ) they probably think they also under achieved and I/ we didnt push them enough . Just proves , as a parent , you probably cant win. smile

GrammarGrandma Tue 04-Apr-23 18:13:01

Both my parents left school at 14 but, in contrast to those of the OP, they were determined that my sisters and I should have better opportunities. Sadly my oldest sister died at 19. My middle sister didn't want to go to university but trained as a radiographer and had a good career. I got an LCC scholarship to a private girls' school and went to Cambridge. My parents supported me all the way. There were lots of things about my education that they didn't understand but it didn't really matter.

MayBee70 Tue 04-Apr-23 17:17:35

My mum and dad were so proud of me passing my 11 plus. I went to a very good grammar school and did very well but didn’t dare tell my parents that some of the girls made fun of my dads job ( he was a labourer). They never pushed me but were very worried when my best friend dropped out of school and went to work in a cafe although I had no intention of following her. I was determined to show the bullies that I was at least as good as them, if not better. My good O Level results meant I found it easy to get local government and civil service jobs ( I moved around quite a lot after I left school). It always puzzles me that, when I went to a careers guidance interview at school and said I fancied being a window dresser they never pointed out to me that I could get a grant and go to college. Or maybe, being poor I just wanted to start earning money asap. I wish I could remember. Although my mum never pushed me academically she would take me to the cinema and theatre and always encouraged me to read. I wish I could go back in time and tank her properly as I left home at 17 and never returned, which broke her heart. My mum told me that she had passed some sort of exam to go to a good school but when she went to the school to take another exam she was so intimidated by it she deliberately failed. Years later my daughter was being pressurised by her school to go to Oxford. I said to her one night, how would you feel I we dropped the idea and she said she really didn’t want to go and was so relieved that we weren’t going to push her.

sazz1 Tue 04-Apr-23 14:22:55

My dad, stepmum and gran that I was brought up by had no interest at all. Never went to any parents meetings ever. When I chose my senior school they did apply for that school and I had a place there.
Moving back to my mum's in my mid teens I left school at 15. My mum rang the school and said the headmaster wanted me to stay and go on to University.
Homelife was dire with addiction in one household and mental illness in the other so I left home at 16 and have no regrets.

Thisismyname1953 Tue 04-Apr-23 12:23:47

My parents when me and my 2 brothers passed the eleven plus with absolutely no preparation at all in the 1960s . We were very poor and lived on a council estate so nothing was expected of us .
I went to one of the best girls grammar schools in Liverpool but never tried because I didn’t think I was clever enough to be there. I left at 16 with a few GCEs , which was enough to please my parents .
I found out 20 years later by taking a test to be accepted into nursing school , that I had an IQ 140 . I should have been capable of so much more . Never mind , I’ve had a nice life regardless.

nipsmum Tue 04-Apr-23 10:52:33

I was born in 1941and started school in 1945, The youngest of three daughters. My mother had very little in the way of education although she attended school until she was 13. Her dad could not afford to keep two children at school so her brother was better educated being a boy.
My mum took no interest in my education. She saw homework as being given because teachers were too lazy to teach you at school. As for reading books at home that was seriously discouraged because there were more more useful things you could be doing. I hated school and switched my brain off when I walked into it.

annodomini Tue 04-Apr-23 10:25:49

My father and all his generation in the family were graduates so we were expected to follow suit. My mum and her siblings did not go to university, but were all very intelligent and interested in our education. All my cousins (all girls) went on to further education. In my class at school there were girls who were just as able as I was - maybe more so - but left at 15 for jobs in industry or retail. How I wish they had all had my chances - or parents like mine. Maybe that's why, later in my career, the best and most enjoyable job I had was in adult education, working with people who had missed out.

jocork Tue 04-Apr-23 10:18:57

My mother was a teacher and both my parents always took an interest in our education. It was assumed we would go to university, though my brother and I both did degrees at the old polytechnics, now universities.

My father was not encouraged at all. His parents didn't believe in education for women so his sisters were not even allowed to take the scholarship exam for the local grammar school! Dad had been top boy at the local grammar school but became an accountant, paying for his own training, as his parents wouldn't have paid for university - before the days of grants and loans! Mum, on the other hand, was encouraged by her father, who sacrificed to send her to teacher training college, despite not being a wealthy man. Student grants came in after her first year thankfully.

katy1950 Tue 04-Apr-23 09:35:06

Absolutely no interest whatsoever, I was much better with my children, my daughters I'm glad so say are fully engaged with thier children's education I'm so proud of them

Coco51 Tue 04-Apr-23 09:17:10

My mother: a lot. Although she didn’t have a clue what it was about. She’d just nag about homework and want to know why I was not higher up in the class exams, even though I was always in the top quarter. A stupid, unfeeling and selfish woman.After I had completed my honours degree at the OU her comment was ‘“They” say it’s not as good as other Universities’. I do not mourn her loss.

Piskey Mon 03-Apr-23 22:53:15

My father showed more interest than my mother, but he spent half of my school life in prison (bankruptcy ). As soon as any firm found out about him being in prison, we had to move again. My brother and I went to 20 schools all over the U.K. I left my last school a month before my O levels. My father, me, my children and five grandchildren all excelled at maths
I ask my two youngest grandchildren (7 & 10) to pick a subject ie:- trees, the sea, food, transport etc, and they tell me three good things, and three bad things about their choice of subject. They are learning that there is two ‘sides’ to anything and not to accept that whatever they are told, to always question things.
I’ve led a happy, fulfilled life, with very few regrets

Anniel Mon 03-Apr-23 22:37:21

BigLouis, I had no idea we had so much in common. Like you I am from Liverpool and also belonged to the respectable working class. We lived at Page Moss in a Coucil house. The war had a big effect on my life. My father joined up in 1939 so my mum was our sole parent. I passed the first Scholarship exam and went to a leading grammar school. On my 11th birthday my mum bought me a leather satchel filled with books by Dickens. She always wore a long cardigan and she always had her current library book in her pocket. Dad came home and was happy to see me going off to. Posh school near the Cathedral. Then in 1949 we emigrated to Australia and I was so sad to leave my friends. There I went to the local high school and went on to Teachers college so getting my degree education was later than normal. It was not until I came back to home that I did my first degree part time. I was offered a post grad place at Cambridge but it demanded that we stayed in College all week and I could not afford the time to do that so I went to LSE part time for 2 years to complete the MSc. I am still the same gobby Liverpool girl with an Australian accent. I still love my city and am proud of being a Liverpudlian.

I am loving reading about the experience of other grans. Teaches everyone to encourage our children and grandchildren to go onwards and upwards.

CanadianGran Mon 03-Apr-23 21:12:51

I would say in the primary years my parents were interested, but Dad became ill with MS and had to stop working by the time I was 12, so my parents weren't really able to stay invested in our education. Mum was raising us and looking after an ill husband, so we were on our own, really. We were expected to finish school, but there was no money for further education. I have to say I could have applied bursaries or grants but was never bothered.

Both parents finished school by 14, but I heard later that my father won a scholarship but was not allowed to go since he had to work to help support his family (in Brittany).

Musicgirl Mon 03-Apr-23 20:20:55

My parents were very interested in our education and encouraged us to do our best.