Cheating Hubby

No I wouldn’t say anything. It’s down to them if they having probs to sort out their marriage just be there if it all goes wrong

I very rarely comment just enjoy reading but having had a cheating husband. If you are right I am sure your daughter also has a ‘hunch’ as you say. It’s a very personal and extremely difficult situation for your daughter. I would say a definite “no” to the question just bide your time if you are right she will need your support and will be grateful for it but not until.

My husband was cheating on me 30 years ago. ‘Everybody’ knew about it, but agreed not to tell me unless I asked. When he finally confessed, I realised that deep down I had known all along, but would not have appreciated being told. However, once it was out in the open, I had tremendous support from family and friends.

Keep out of it, but be ready to pick up the pieces if necessary. I do hope everything works out for your daughter.

I think those immediately saying no are being too simplistic. If you have strong suspicions and she later learns you had them, she will be very hurt. I think saying to her “is everything alright” or “he is away from you a lot” is being straight. He may not be cheating but he is avoiding her and being hurtful and she may be afraid to recognise it. I worked with couples for decades and relationships are complex but being able to trust your impressions and using them calmly is part of healthy relating

Proof, or it didn't happen. How badly are you looking for proof? Did they find anything on the CCTV? Why didn't the daughter go with him to the 'accident' scene? What's stopping him from playing games at home? Has daughter ever taken him a snack in the shed-office? Can she ask to go fishing, just once, to see what it's like? Does he buy lunch only for himself? etc etc etc...

Maybe she just never leaves him alone in peace in the office to get anything done? So he's going 'fishing' to get away? But the thing with the woman at the door is a bit odd?But im sure if your dd has any suspicions of her own she will sort it if she gets suspicious enough.

My SIL was emotionally involved with another woman and it was so obvious, it hurt. However, my daughter made it very obvious that she wasn't going to challenge him because she didn't want to break up her marriage. It took a friend of hers to challenge him about how disrespectful he was being and he went home to moan to his wife about her friend! My daughter very quietly affirmed that she thought the same as her friend and said that she wasn't prepared to accept that behaviour any more. It was the wake up call he needed. It didn't need me to be involved at all, it just needed my daughter to find her voice in her own time with the help of her friend who she obviously felt comfortable discussing her fears.

If and when you have sufficient proof you should still not breathe a word to your daughter, but mention to your son-in-law that you have reason to believe he is having an affair. Ask him if his wife knows and is all right with it.

He will probably ask you to mind your own business, to which you can reply that your daughter's happiness may not exactly be your business, but certainly concerns you.

Then change the subject.

If you daughter later berates you for not having told her what was going on, you are justified in saying that you asked her husband what the situation was, but that you honestly did not think she would believe you if you went to her and told her he was carrying on with NN, but would be furious and offended.

I would have been if my mother had made such an accusation against my husband, would you not habe been?

kittylester

As an aside, I hate the word 'hubby'!

As you were!

Hubster is even worse too!

100% I’d ask my dd if she felt her husbands behaviour is odd. I couldn’t and wouldn’t let it go. I wouldn’t suggest he’s cheating but I’d bring it to her attention incase she hasn’t noticed it if she’s busy mum. There could be a whole host of things going on gambling, chat rooms, porn sites to say the least. Trust me I’m talking from experience don’t let it pass but don’t accuse him of cheating just mention odd behaviour then let her pick it up from there. Good luck

Riverwalk-😂🤣

One of my dd's split from her partner awhile back- then almost immediately he took up with a 'new' woman & a ready-made family- im convinced he was seeing her before the split but no real proof- i mentioned my opinion to my other dd- & she wasnt sure but we both kept it to ourselves! Still not said anything to her sister.& she's now happy with a new man.

Personally I’d have a word with him first and if it is true then I would say that he has to tell your daughter as you’d be the one accused of causing trouble! Just be there for her if it is true.

If you're still checking this thread evieJ, can't you speak to him? Ask him about the fishing.

👍 kittylester!

It's a very difficult one that, although it does sound as though your daughter already has her suspicions if it is her that told you about the 'fishing' and the 2 hours to buy lunch etc? Sounds as though he is making any excuse to go out, and I would be VERY wary of him, especially if his phone were to be on his person 24/7 etc ... having been there and had that gut instinct, I was right and he got his marching orders! I did find out afterwards that a friend caught him in MY house with a woman who he said was his secretary, whilst I was lying on a theatre table having spinal surgery! I did feel rather miffed that she hadn't told me sooner ....

If you say something without proof then it could cause more issues but if you don't say anything then she could feel rather betrayed, and feel really embarrassed that she hadn't noticed?

No

That's a high level of emotional investment in your daughters marriage

Your job is to listen and support, certainly not to throw fuel on the fire.

There could be all sorts of reasons he is struggling and needing time and space out of the house, depression being one. Leave them ro sort through things, your daughter would need to work things out for herself.

Throwing the idea of cheating in could absolutely destroy their marriage and if you are wrong, you will be to blame and your relationship will be damaged too

Hubby and the even worse Hubs are in my mind terms of affection. No ever says my bastard ex-hubby do they?

As an aside, I hate the word 'hubby'!

As you were!

To me (living in Ireland) hubby is just short for husband. It doesn't have any affectionate connotations. If the title of the post had been "cheating husband" the meaning would be exactly the same.

hithere It would have been nice if, before accusing the OP of being "weird and inappropriate" you'd first checked if it was usual in the UK to refer to a son in law as hubby vs "going for the jugular". That way several posters wouldn't have pulled you up on it. Goes both ways.

Hubby is an affectionate term from wife to husband in the US - this is where my comment comes from

If anybody called my husband hubby, I would raise an eyebrow

It would be nice if anybody would question why a comment was written vs going for the jugular

Why do you call your son in law hubby?
It is very weird and inappropriate

Give over Hithere, it's perfectly obvious from all her posts that the OP is referring to her daughter's husband, not her own. It's "weird and inappropriate" that you thought it appropriate to call her out on it though.

Why not do something supportive for them both?. If they have children offer to take them for a weekend while they have some time together, or buy them a couples spa treatment somewhere. He may or may not be cheating but it sounds as if they definitely aren't spending time together. Doing so may help them or it may just bring things out in the open. If they do spilt up you'll know that you tried your best to help.
I don't think telling your daughter would really do anything but give her something to worry about.

EvieJ, I'd say that your daughter's marriage is entirely her own business - and not yours. Just be available and supportive but don't draw any conclusions from his strange (to you) behaviour.