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Are there any Pakistani gransnetters?

(19 Posts)
Cressida Sun 16-Apr-23 14:44:08

I belong to a forum which has predominantly US members. There is a Pakistani lady who lives in South Wales who some members are now extremely concerned about. The lady has been on the forum for a long time. She had a stroke about 4 years ago and is now in a wheelchair. The members are concerned that her husband isn't taking proper care of her. She has said he won't allow her to talk to her GP and only gives her porridge to eat once a day

She says she has no friends she can talk to so I wondered if there was an Urdu speaker on here who would be willing to read her posts on the other forum and possibly make contact with her.

JaneJudge Sun 16-Apr-23 14:50:05

How terribly sad sad I don;t even know what to suggest. I have googled and this came up. There is a helpline

www.independentage.org/get-advice/staying-control?gclid=CjwKCAjwue6hBhBVEiwA9YTx8BvpR2WY38dJZlfqNIThIgca14o_LneSi9BQOcKO_W5TimcZ3uBRZxoCYeAQAvD_BwE

FannyCornforth Sun 16-Apr-23 15:27:09

Thank you Jane, you are such a lovely soul.
And you too Cressida, I hope that you get some joy thanks

Esmay Mon 17-Apr-23 12:45:41

Hi Cressida ,

It's really nice of you to be concerned .

I would be too .

None of my Muslim friends are Urdu writers though some of them can speak it -though not that well .
Otherwise I'd get in contact with them .

I'm really worried that this lady's husband is abusing her by only allowing her one bowl of porridge a day and not allowing her access to her GP .
She must have malnutrition .
Is she dehydrated ?
Is she incontinent and being left in urine soaked underwear all day .
Or worse - faeces.
Has she got pressure sores ?
Shouldn't social services be called ?
Some people slip through the net .

Can you contact her local mosque and voice your concerns ?
Those Muslim women would only be too happy to help her .

I'm a Christian and have been helped many times by my Muslim friends .

Riverwalk Mon 17-Apr-23 12:54:59

Have you considered contacting her yourself Cressida to ask if she needs help?

Presumably as she's been on the forum for a long time her written English must be good, so it doesn't need to be an Urdu speaker.

Whilst someone from a similar background might be helpful to this woman, it could be a little 'too close to home'.

Cressida Mon 17-Apr-23 12:57:06

Esmay, may I private message you with details of the forum and her user name so you can read her posts.

kittylester Mon 17-Apr-23 13:22:55

This is a safeguarding issue (or potentially so) and, as such, should be reported to Adult Social Care. I know that they won't go blundering in and will treat the lady with respect.

welbeck Mon 17-Apr-23 16:20:02

but unless she chooses to share her ID on a forum, or poss through PM, she is anon.
social services need an address.
south wales is very populous.

Freya5 Mon 17-Apr-23 16:20:28

kittylester

This is a safeguarding issue (or potentially so) and, as such, should be reported to Adult Social Care. I know that they won't go blundering in and will treat the lady with respect.

Agree, it is a cry for help, and should be heeded. No messing about. People can and do close ranks. This makes me so angry, as I came across similar scenario in my career. Maybe they both need help.

ExDancer Mon 17-Apr-23 16:27:12

I take it this lady has no family? no daughters or daughters in law?

Ali08 Tue 18-Apr-23 11:44:00

Oh dear, I can't help but I do hope she gets the help she needs!!

Cressida Tue 18-Apr-23 11:55:10

She has a son but he lives in London.

She has said on the other forum that she's a 'prisoner' but when someone suggested contacting the Police she replied that she couldn't as her husband would divorce her which would bring shame on her & her family.

Caleo Tue 18-Apr-23 11:55:25

Not enough information. Perhaps she can't swallow solid food.

Esmay Tue 18-Apr-23 12:23:01

Hi Cressida ,

Do , please .

I wonder how to help her .

I'm just off to see my Afghani friend and I'll ask him .
X

Cressida Tue 18-Apr-23 12:31:46

Message sent Esmay.

Hopefully your friend will be able to advise as he'll see things from the male angle.

crazyH Tue 18-Apr-23 14:38:35

I hope your friend gets the help she needs.

kittylester Tue 18-Apr-23 14:48:41

Cressida

She has a son but he lives in London.

She has said on the other forum that she's a 'prisoner' but when someone suggested contacting the Police she replied that she couldn't as her husband would divorce her which would bring shame on her & her family.

Really, this is definitely a safeguarding issue. Ask Adult Social Care for advice.

Sago Tue 18-Apr-23 14:58:49

If she has access to the internet and is able to post freely on forums, one would assume she perhaps is not being controlled.
Is her English of a standard that would enable her to communicate a problem?
Could she email her GP?
Could she email her son?
I think the answer would be some respite care in a nursing home, once she was under the radar the husband might feel he is more accountable.

Sago Tue 18-Apr-23 14:59:06

Not under the radar!