Feeling disappointed.

Oh my word MarathonRunner! Incredible. I’d have gone home too.Unbeliveable 🙄

Three is often an awkward number for a conversation. Recently 3 of us got together (we all know each other really well). When I'm with one we talk about a shared interest (which the 3rd one loathes). When I'm with the other one, we chat about stuff that I know would be of no interest to the other one. (The 2 if them chat quite happily about mutual friends I don't know)
When the 3 of us are together, it actually quite difficult to keep the conversation flowing.

Playing devil's advocate, but maybe the death was recent and they were in the state where the shock of that loss overshadows everything else, and they weren't deliberately ignoring you?

Re those people who are self absorbed, I have a 'friend' who is so self absorbed and thoroughly enjoys being miserable, that other mutual friends have cut ties with her altogether, and I've avoided much contact lately. I use the tactic when she is droning on about the same age-old complaining, of launching into babbling about my events, family, the weather (anything to break the monologue!). It works for a while, earning me dirty looks, until she steers the conversation back to airing her grievances.

Well me being me wouldn’t have sat out in the cold wind. I would have gone in with the second group and had a warm drink. Very rude to be invited and not included in a conversation. They are not true friends.

Sometimes it's a good idea to just include yourself - don't wait to be asked, just be a bit more pro active! Otherwise you are just not going to be included! It's okay to but in . I can understand you wanting to go home instead of joining the second group of friends ....you were cold and fed up. BUT what if the message they took on board was a different message. What if they thought you didn't want to be with them? Perhaps message them to explain why you wanted to go home, otherwise they may not include you next time!

Me and my friends must be good at deceit then , as I’m always interested in their kids and grandkids and they seem to be in mine.
We don’t spend too long on each one of them , and then get on with our lunch! My two best friends dislike each other intensely yet Ive managed to juggle them for 40 years! They always ask politely after the other one and give me opinions on ‘what’s to do’ about situations they sometimes find themselves in. But if you’ve got ‘freinds’ that ignore you I’m inclined to just drop them….if they ask ( they won’t) tell them the truth.

I was invites to lunch with 2 friends at ones home . I went up to use the loo and when I came down they'd both disappeared into another room and had set up and had started a board game . I felt completely invisible , they didn't even look up . I went home , pathetic 😒

I would have gone in with the second group and made it clear how cold I was and needed a coffee.
Before we moved I had a group of friends that met for coffee. One person always arrived late and left early leaving the rest of us looking at each other because all she had done was talk about her self and family.

Second group seem better there’s your answer. I’d rather be on my own than go through that hurt.

Some friends!

Years ago I worked in an office with a woman who talked constantly about her daughter and her favourite sport.

I always took an interest, though sometimes it got a bit boring as I am not a sports fan.

I don't recall her ever asking once about my children. I did mention them occasionally, in conversation, but I doubt she remembered their names, or even how many children I have.

I always make a point of asking my friends about their families. I think it's only polite to do so. I does seem a bit of a one way street with quite a few of them though. I don't let it worry me.

nanna8

Me too, BlueBelle. Maybe we have different personalities though? I had a friend who used to bring her dog when we walked together and then expect the six of us to eat outside in the cold. It didn’t last, needless to say. There was absolutely no reason for her to bring the dog and we all had to wait whilst it sniffed at things, pooed and did what dogs di.

Even worse my friend used to bring her husband to girl meet ups 😱
To be fair we didn’t have to eat outside tho.

I would have joined friends inside for a [cuppa] & a warm up.
Ailsa enjoy a virtual with me in a warm cafe anytime

Oh Ailsa - here is a virtual cup of coffee for you .☕️

I wish I had some friends to go and have coffee with.. sadly I don't..

By the way kircbbin I’d have gone in the coffee shop with the second group.

Grannies are not interested in anyone else’s grandchildren.

I’m okay to chat about other people’s grandchildren, but a lady who I used to work with, makes me look at pictures of her only great grandchild every time we meet. I always oblige but I’m just not interested to be honest. Oh, and this child is just so bright and so forward for it’s age! If she had anything of real interest to tell me about this child I’d be interested, but I really don’t want to look at the child pushing it’s walker round the room or film of it saying a nursery rhyme in the bath!

I'm another who would have gone in with the second group.
I think I would have warmed up inside and as Kim19 says, would have felt better about the whole outing.

As some they knew had tragically died maybe they could be forgiven for leaving you out of the conversation.

Grannies are not interested in anyone else's grandchildren. As a non-grandmother for years I took great care to ask after all the new grandchildren, responded with delight to all the births, identical photographs of their first day at school (8 separate ones once) and later to their brilliant prowess at everything.
When I acquired two step-grandchildren (and how is your daughter, has she met anyone yet ---well actually yes she has, an extremely nice partner with two small children who are so pleasant and........ .)

Was anyone remotely interested?
No.

Before DH died I had a lunch invitation from 3ex colleagues. Lovely meal, nice chat but very much about their holidays and travels.
At the time DH was ill (long term) and our only outings were hospital stays or clinic appointments!
Did anybody ask after him? What do you think.
I had also just had a new grandson born and didn't want to do "proud granny" which can be boring for others, but, again knowing this (and they did) did anybody ask after him or DD?
So I just listened politely, smiled a lot but came away feeling those friendships had run their course

Kircubbin my mum used to say you can choose your friends but not your family. Hope you make better choices in the future to avoid disappointment.

I should have done that Kim but I was so cold I just wanted to go home.

I would have most certainly joined the second group inside even if it meant only having a glass of water just to enjoy their company and lift my spirits after the rubbish first meeting.

I had one of these last summer. Two friends invited me out for tea and cake and spoke to each other the whole time. One in particular is a pain as she speaks about herself the whole time. I have managed to dodge both of them since then and the pain one keeps contacting saying we must meet up but she is oh so busy. I dropped her a message to say that I was not available till after the Coronation and got the reply that we are all very busy not just me. Hey! Ho! And away we go!