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Feeling disappointed.

(56 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Tue 18-Apr-23 21:40:16

Got a very late message this morning that 2 friends were meeting for coffee at 10.00.I rushed my shower and arrived a few minutes late to find they had decided to sit outside in the cold wind as the dog was not allowed in. They proceeded to chat very quietly about a tragic death of someone I didn't know and also about their unreliable workmen.As we were leaving I realised neither of them had included me in the chat or asked me anything about myself.
To make things worse another group of my friends arrived and asked if I was coming inside to join them.As I had already eaten I thanked them and decided I would just go home.
I think sometimes people are very thoughtless.

joycerousselot123 Wed 03-May-23 22:22:38

Maybe I'm just awkward but I would have walked away from the outdoors group ASAP. Then I definitely wouldn't have missed the chance of a bit of warm cheer inside with the others. What about, next time, you do the inviting a-nd lay down the ground rules??

Tanjamaltija Sat 22-Apr-23 22:09:05

They called you late, because it was an afterthought, and probably out of duty...and then ignored you. They could have explained to you who the dead person was, and given details of the other topics, too. The others invited you, although they had not intended you to be a part of their outing. I know which people I'd choose, next time.

Smudgie Sat 22-Apr-23 11:00:08

I don't blame you for being fed up, they sound thoughtless.
You were unfortunate to have to sit outside, where I live every cafe bar one admits dogs as they have replaced children in large numbers. I think it is unhygenic and I am not the only one; a dog urinated on the floor at an upmarket cafe recently. The owner was at the till waiting to pay and seemed totally unconcerned. I would join the other group of friends next time where you can sit inside and be dog free.

JONEStina Fri 21-Apr-23 22:31:38

Very reassuring chat.

Pambles01 Fri 21-Apr-23 20:23:08

Hasn't a very similar post been on here bedore

Hetty58 Fri 21-Apr-23 19:54:04

If I got a late invite - and had to rush - I wouldn't have gone in the first place. I'm too lazy.

Having made all that effort, though, it must have been so annoying to feel ignored. Didn't you just interrupt with your own news? Why sit there feeling cold, though?

I'd have said 'I'm off home now, see you later!' and I'd have left. Maybe, kircubbin2000, you're just too polite and accommodating?

aggie Fri 21-Apr-23 19:44:52

Kircubbin200 I would have done the same as you , so disappointed and cold you couldn’t wait to get home ! I’m glad the other group rang you

Cossy Fri 21-Apr-23 19:30:54

2507C0

Of course she had to bring her dog! Of course they sniff and poo! Humans chat and shop and we poo too. Dogs are family.

We have two much loved family spaniels - they are always walked in the early morning and happily stay at home together when I meet friends for a cuppa and catch-up

Primrose53 Fri 21-Apr-23 17:26:38

What annoys me when meeting up with friends is when they have to answer their phones every time they ring or ping. I always switch my phone off when I am with friends.

They say “oh sorry, that’s my daughter” …. So what? She can leave a message and you can ring her back.

One friend asked me to meet her for lunch and was on her phone for ages. I’ve known her since we were 12 so I sent her a joke of someone arriving in heaven and being told “actually you had a pretty good life but you were looking down at your phone and you missed it.” We’re still friends and she took the message in good part.

Oldnproud Fri 21-Apr-23 17:13:22

2507C0

Of course she had to bring her dog! Of course they sniff and poo! Humans chat and shop and we poo too. Dogs are family.

My husband is family too, and even sniffs and poos (though luckily he doesnt do the latter in public). I still wouldn't take him along to a get-together with my friends .

Tenko Fri 21-Apr-23 16:58:57

I would have gone inside with the other group.
Unfortunately twos company, threes a crowd and the outside 2 are very rude ignoring you . If it was me I would explain the tragic death to the other person , so as not to make them feel left out . How hard is that ? .
It amazes me that grown women can act like that !!!

2507C0 Fri 21-Apr-23 16:51:21

Of course she had to bring her dog! Of course they sniff and poo! Humans chat and shop and we poo too. Dogs are family.

undines Fri 21-Apr-23 16:17:29

I've learnt after a few similar experiences not to bother with people like that. It isn't you - it's them. Find nicer people and good luck with it!

OldRose Fri 21-Apr-23 15:41:13

Ailsa43 me too! Heres a ☕ smile

Juliet27 Fri 21-Apr-23 14:37:06

Thank you LR that ‘hey ho, and away we go’ comment has reminded me of the song from my childhood that I’ve been trying to remember for ages - donkey riding!!

JPB123 Fri 21-Apr-23 14:15:05

I had two friends and we used to go to each other’s houses for coffee.One morning they arrived and sat in the car ,on the drive ,for half an hour,chatting.I was in the house ,knowing they were chatting away,whilst I was waiting for them to come in.When they eventually came in they laughed and said they hadn’t noticed the time.I told them they could have a quick coffee because I had an emergency dental appointment.Didn’t stay friends after that.Theyvwere so rude.

kircubbin2000 Fri 21-Apr-23 14:09:40

The death was not of a close friend but provided gossip and speculation . The other group have phoned and arranged a date next month😁

JPB123 Fri 21-Apr-23 14:08:49

I wouldn’t have gone in the first place. Why send you a message in the morning,so that you had to rush…If it happens again ,don’t go.🤗

mabon1 Fri 21-Apr-23 13:58:24

Grannies are interested in other people's grandchidren. I often make enquiries about friends grandsons adn grand daughterss, speak for yourself.

Dianehillbilly1957 Fri 21-Apr-23 13:28:23

Sounds like they invited you as an afterthought, not nice, but now you know and will be wise to them. I know how you feel I'm always the one getting pooped on from other so called friends, so tending now to keep myself to myself. But maybe stick with the nice inside people and go out with them in future.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 21-Apr-23 13:16:26

I would not have stayed long enough for the second group to arrive.

After listening to the pair of them for a while, I would have said, "I am sorry for your loss, but as I did not know this person, I am feeling a little "de trop" right now. So I shall leave you to commemorate her /him and go home, as I am freezing to death here."

grannyactivist Fri 21-Apr-23 12:56:12

I rarely meet with more than one friend at a time for several reasons; firstly my friends are a very diverse group and I need to be tactful to ensure that no-one is made to feel uncomfortable or excluded, secondly some of my friends are very private people and often like to confide in me, which would not be possible in a group.

I also have a few friends who lead very isolated and lonely lives and they seem to get vicarious enjoyment from the Soap Opera that is my life; one friend I haven’t seen for a while recently arranged a lunch date with me, “To catch up on the latest instalment - your house fire!”

Hey Ho! It’s all grist to the mill. 🤪😂

Fernhillnana Fri 21-Apr-23 12:28:44

How rude.

Scottiebear Fri 21-Apr-23 12:27:02

I think this can be a problem when 3 people are together. Often 2 will have a conversation that the third is unable to join in as they have no knowledge of the subject. They were perhaps oblivious to the fact they had excluded you. Is this a regular experience with them, or are they usually more inclusive? If it's a regular occurrence, next time decline a meet up.

Romola Fri 21-Apr-23 12:03:45

We (well I now) have for long been friendly with two couples who both have boats and spend a lot of time sailing. We used to have them to supper together, but we found that they just talked to each other about their boats etc and we felt that we were just there to serve their meal! So we don't have them for supper together any more unless it's going to be a bigger group.