Empty nest

i do not believe that there is a one size fits all to the empty nest syndrome,each one is different depending on all sorts of things.There are parents who cannot let go of their children,there are children who cannaot let of their parents.For me i realised some years after my 2 sons left, i went through a form of a grief process which took a while, to realise what was happening to me. I do my best now to treat them on an adult to adult basis, doesn't always work though!

I've just had 3 of mine plus grandchildren staying, it was lovely but exhausting. All those years of bringing up 4 children were enjoyable but the peace and quiet today is magic

Our daughters are of quite different ages, as two left another two were born. They all live near, drop round often. They all have homes/families and not required to stay over in their rooms. Meals are visit enough.

i am happy with my empty nest, i think i got used to it years ago, we lost his dad when he was 16 and two years later he walked in from his weekend with the TA and said he had volunteered to go to iraq for 6 months (hardest time of my life as a mum) he came and went for the next 10 years, working away and has now settled down with a family of his own, we talk or text each week and every fortnight we all go out for the day, he was with me both times i was told i had cancer and him and my dil have helped with whatever i have needed, he understands that living on benefits is hard so has bought me some items that i would have struggled to get, during covid he would get shopping and leave it at the door as some of the time i was having to shield. i like my own company but i know he is just at the end of the phone if i need anything. he has paid twice for me to go and visit my dad and has even put a tracker on my phone to make sure i am okay, i have epilepsy and sometimes i can get stuck when i have a seizure. i don't miss living together as i am happy he is settled with his own family and i am very proud of the son that i raised.

When I took my only son to uni I had to stop on the motorway hard shoulder on the way home to have a good cry, I was devastated but didn't want him to know that. Since then he's married with a child of his own and they're both lovely but I really miss getting to see him on his own especially now I'm a widow.

I felt dreadful when my eldest went to university (almost a bereavement type of feeling), but I was working full time so soon got used to it. Empty nest hit me late really when I retired, I felt I was living in the wrong place and missed the kids being around. I’ve been lucky and in November we moved counties so now see the children and grandchildren much more often - we all love our own space but love being together too and as we are near it’s much easier.

My boy has been away from home for 3 and a half years now at Uni with visits home in the holidays getting shorter and shorter. I really miss him still but keep it to myself because I don't want to pressure him into coming home. When he does come home, he plays music, whistles and clatters about the kitchen making new dishes he has found whilst away. It is like the whole house comes alive again and I love it. He has never been a quiet child because he has spacial awareness problems (just like me) and my husband gets a bit vexed when he crashes into things during the night but it makes me giggle.
I also love it when his friends come around when he is home. I listen to them exchanging stories and bantering with each other. It is just a joy to see how they have all grown up.

I did the same GSM - cried all the way home in the car and then went into his bedroom and cried into his pillow.
I wasn’t quite the same with my daughter as she left gradually in stages. They’ve both been the other side of the world for more than a decade now but empty nest isn’t as painful after all this time.

Reading this nearly made me cry! Miss mine a lot.
I’m happy that they are independent, have friends and lovely partners and one of them has children who we look after fortnightly. Still, I miss the buzz, the banter, the constant new ideas, sharing skills, even the loads of washing …

I have one child. When he left home for university I was pleased for him but all the way home in the car I wept like I’ve never wept before or since. It was like a bereavement. Of course he came home for weekends and holidays but eventually got a flat when he started work in the City and now he’s married with a child of his own. They visit of course but I still miss his presence very much. I’m happy for him but will never stop missing him.

I had reached a point of wanting my son and girlfriend to go, for reasons such as having to work around their work arrangements to cater for them, (and having to provide food they liked, not what myself and Mr GO preferred), hated having to wait hours to use the bathroom, the food and energy bills (they were having TWO baths a day!!! - and girlfriend used to go to sleep in the bath, while I was desperate for a pee!).
But as departure day approached I began to dread the day, and the actual day and ever since has been like a bereavement, the same sense of loss and emptiness as when my Mum died a few years ago. That empty bedroom, the lack of banter with my son, his support in dealing with Mr GO, who can be a very grumpy and difficult old cuss, sharing music and discovering new artists he has heard, the loss of his company, and the loss of the routine of breakfast together, coffee etc. Probably more noticeable because he was working from home so here all the time.
Be careful what you wish for!

It was a bit of a relief when our 4 left. They were lovely and lively and all that but none of them lifted a finger round the house. Now they all keep neat,tidy houses and have children of their own. Much easier being a grandparent and great grandparent! None of their children help round their houses much,either. Funny that.

their company ARGH!

I’m so sorry to hear that MayBee70, that must have been tough.
It’s lovely when they visit but totally different dynamics. A friend says that when her daughter visits with her BF in tow it feels like they are guests now and need to be ‘entertained’

Now retired and with more time to reflect on the past I was on my own for five years. My son was three my daughter was new born. I had a difficult time but the bond I had with my children was so strong. I realise now how it was difficult to let go I suffered terribly with empty nest.
It took time but I got over it and knew I had to let go and let them build their new lives away from home. I do enjoy my own time so does my DH we have our own and share hobbies and crafts etc. I admit though I still constantly think about both son and daughter and when I see them I know the bond is still there.

It was their music playing in the bedrooms that I missed when the first two left, the house just didn't sound right 😕
Bon Jovi and Blur.
I asked for a greatest hits album for Christmas the year my son went to university!

Over the following twenty years all three have returned to live for varying periods for various reasons, but the last one finally moved out last year (he's been this evening for some more of his stuff).

I still have minded children before and after school every day and in the school holidays, so we're not quite an empty nest yet 😊

I miss watching rubbish tv with my DD, and cooking alongside my DS who is amazing cook. However both live 30- 40 minutes away so we do see them regularly.

I miss hearing my daughter play the piano. I don’t think I’ll ever get over them leaving home especially as their dad upped and left at the same time…

Our ' children ' all live fairly close so we see them quite often. However they now have their own busy lives to lead and we understand that. I was always a very hands on Mum and enjoyed my role of Mum - loved it when they were small. Now they are all well and truly adult and we are very happy to step back ( Grandma duty sometimes) I can honestly say I haven't missed them to the extent that I am feeling lost and bereft. I am simply pleased to feel we have done a good enough job and equipped them with sufficient confidence to paddle their own canoes!! We are involved with our GC but never over step the mark . It works well for us.

We have two daughters, DD1 lives fairly local with our two grandchildren, but we do not see her that often. DD2 lives in America with her husband and, whilst we Skype most weeks, I haven’t seen her in person for about four years. When she still lived at home, she and I used to have film nights at home, sitting on the sofas with take always, or we would go out for meals. I do miss her like mad

I love it when my single youngest son comes back home for a few days...we do all the quizzes together and cook tasty curries. Something I find hard on my own

My situation is not unlike yours Hollysteers
Now widowed, I am ok with my own company and het out and do lots of things.
I miss the family though and when they get together, it's such fun.
Noone is nearby now. One in NZ, one in Ireland, one in England and one in the Highlands of Scotland so we encouraged independence and got it!

DS3 was here recently, his DSis came to see him and suddenly there were 8 of us.
Like old times.

I miss the great conversations and humour I had with my DD and DS. DD in the south and DS 25 miles away. Widowed with a cat, I can’t complain as they visit regularly. It’s round the table after meal long chats every day I really miss. We are a close family.
Other people in the house reinforce your own sense of identity, even taking the mickey and you can start to wonder who you are on your own!
My solution is getting out of the house and being with other people as much as possible.

I confess that I am on Hetty58's side in this. I like my own time and my own space to do my own things. DC now live too far to just call in, but we see them at regular intervals, often up to a week at a time, so we still remain close.

Initially I did miss my three, when they left home, but now I love the time to ourselves.

In saying that, they are all in and out on a regular basis, as they all live close by. A good compromise.