Rape

I think people on this thread need to understand consent.

Consent is how we now determine whether our actions are wanted or appropriate.

Just watch this

youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ

BlueBelle

I have been raped (not involving alcohol) in the 90 s I m not going to go into any details but I dealt with it myself in my own head and I can’t say that I dwell on it in any way, it was something that happened and is long gone and has become a memory that I only occasionally think of
If it bothers you regularly then talk it over with a counsellor but don’t drag it up for the sake of it not everything has to be brought to the surface sometimes it’s best to just accept that it is part of your past and belongs just there……in your past

Bravo- and yes, to some extent, as with anything bad that happens to you (as in any of us)- how you react to it, and whether you let it affect your life long term- is a choice. Not an easy one, but a choice.

Allsorts
"She was consensual right up to the last minute, so drunk she didn’t know what she was doing, "

That is the definition of rape, how can anybody consent without the mental faculty?

As for her giving permission I don’t remember ever being asked …you go from one stage to the next, to the next, you don’t stop play and the bloke say ‘ excuse me would you like sex with me’ 🤣

Yes of course you do, but each stage is mutual. You are responding to kisses and touches and so it builds up. But if one partner is not kissing back then or even moving into the appropriate positions then surely the other knows not to go on.
He would actually have had to move her into position himself so it must have been obvious then she was completely out of it.

As for assuming someone is up for it because they are happy to kiss and cuddle, I can not believe I am hearing that in 2023. Either partner should be able to say no at any stage.

It is so sad that so many of us, myself included, had to consent, unwillingly to sex as the lesser evil ( or rape, as we would now call it). My DD had to fight someone off too, someone she worked with who interpreted her chatty, friendly behaviour on an evening out as an invitation. She did not report him to the police, but when she found out he wasn't the first victim in their workplace, she reported him, denounced him loudly in front of work colleagues and quit. She was planning on leaving (temp job) in the next week or so anyway, but hopefully she managed to do a great deal of damage to his career and reputation. Bastard.

Please don't blame yourself. I'm sure Rape Crisis would be able to recommend someone if you do feel them need to talk to about this. Yes, it was a different time and attitudes were very different then, but it still doesn't make it right. Some people are able to put these things behind them and move on, but sometimes they can resurface and hit you when you least expect them to.

Afraid I can’t agree lyndylou about the coronation street story they were both off their faces, she was necking drink back as much as him, she was well up for a kiss and cuddle, how did he know in his drunken state that she didn’t want more the were both to blame. Had she have been drunk because he was plying her with drinks, then yes, full on rape but this is such a misty line, she needed to keep herself safe too.

As for her giving permission I don’t remember ever being asked …you go from one stage to the next, to the next, you don’t stop play and the bloke say ‘ excuse me would you like sex with me’ 🤣

I am sorry that happened to you Grannie, there are a number of organisation including rape crisis who you can speak to.
Not rape but sexual assault because I didnt know how to stop it. I am afraid I think incidences like this are common.

Yes, as others have said. Sex because not having sex would have led to a violent rape. Which is still rape. Sadly more than once.

But as BlueBelle said, I've moved on and don't dwell on it. I'm not sure times have changed that much though. While we do recognise it as rape now, even violent rape with witnesses and injuries rarely result in convictions, so these private assaults would be laughed out of both the police station and court.

Yes I had a situation in the 60s where I felt I had to have sex to get away although I didn't want to. I felt it was my fault then, but I see it differently now and I have never really dwelt on it or let it affect me.

As for Coronation Street, Amy was unconsious so how could she possibly have given last minute consent. Even though he was drunk, it must have been obvious she wasn't responding at all. I think that will become clearer to him at some point as he thinks back and he will drop the case against her.

Grannie54, don’t consider whether it was a different time. Women continue to feel responsible and be blamed by others for sexual offences committed against them.
Look after yourself, acknowledge what happened and don’t blame yourself. As time moves on, if you feel you’d be helped by talking about it, Victim Support or rape crisis may be able to help. If you can afford to pay, make sure you find a well qualified therapist.

I don’t find the Coronation Street storyline on rape convincing. She was consensual right up to the last minute, so drunk she didn’t know what she was doing, just hazy memories. He was also drunk. I wouldn’t be pursuing the accusation it if I were her.
Not one for mulling over the past, it was 50 years ago, I would not drag it up. I was very nearly raped, wasn’t, but the threat of violence from him frightened me more. I had to put it behind me and concentrate on the now. I wasn’t prepared to be a victim but learnt to be more aware as I was quite innocent then. In the end it’s your word against theirs, who knows which way it will go and you could bankrupt yourself.

I have been raped (not involving alcohol) in the 90 s I m not going to go into any details but I dealt with it myself in my own head and I can’t say that I dwell on it in any way, it was something that happened and is long gone and has become a memory that I only occasionally think of
If it bothers you regularly then talk it over with a counsellor but don’t drag it up for the sake of it not everything has to be brought to the surface sometimes it’s best to just accept that it is part of your past and belongs just there……in your past

If its affected you badly and hurting in the present, then ring Domestic Abuse people.

Not sure there is a right answer x