Why do people lie?

eddiecat you are taking it all too personally. If the couple were inveterate liars, they will do it to everyone, no matter how intelligent - or stupid they are. They will not be assessing you before they lie, they just lie, its there way of life, and probably barely notice that they are doing it.

Far too many people take too much offense at so much. Why do people spend so much time thinking people are getting at them in some way? Why do people think that everyone is taking such interest in them that they are setting out to show them up in some way. I always assume that in every day life other people, are like me and just accept people as they are and the last thing I am doing is wasting my time making all the pointed remarks that people seem to see happening all around them.

White lies are in everyday use for many and are not a serious issue. In Schofields case he had denied a relationship with a much younger vulnerable person, it’s not so much the lie, it’s the lack of judgement that he actually encouraged the relationship.

Just very recently while staying at a BiL’s place, we met someone he knew of old - a late 70s somewhat flamboyant ‘character’ IYKWIM.

He talked a lot and I did wonder at the time whether he was using some ‘embroidery’, so to speak, but the next morning BiL said he’d looked him up on LinkedIn, and apparently the first name he’d been using for years wasn’t his given one (it was much more distinctive) and he’d told us sundry fibs about where he’d attended university (an Oxbridge college rather than a less elite establishment), and various other things, inc. that more than a dozen times he’d been part of a University Challenge team!

My invariably chilled BiL merely found it all highly amusing.

I have a friend who is a compulsive liar, most of the time it's attention seeking but it can be really annoying sometimes. On occasion I have called her out on a couple of things then I don't hear from her for a couple of weeks, I think she realises that she gets in a tangle ! The trouble is , none of us ever believe a word she says anymore which is not a nice way to be

LRavenscroft

A very interesting post. The people I have known who tell whoppers were usually out to impress because they felt inadequate. I do know someone in their 60s who has put on their profile that they have been to such and such a university whereas in reality they did a basic one tech year course 50 years ago at was then a poly but is now a uni. All their lives they boasted about what they were going to do but have never done it. Unfortunately, you do get situations as I am in at the moment of trying to get rid of someone who is trying to 'fix' me because they are so bossy and want me to meet them same time, same place, every month for afternoon tea. I am having to stretch the truth by saying my friend is down from Wales so I can't make it etc but said friend is only down for a weekend which doesn't clash but it is good enough for me not to offend Mrs Bossy who actually does a huge amount of work for charity and organises a lot for people in need. How could I say to her 'Sorry, don't want to hang out with you. You are too controlling'. So, it has to be done softly. I think one needs to ask what sort of lie and why is it generated?

I reply to my own post and eat my words! Mrs Bossy won't accept said white lies and contacted me again yesterday about meeting up. It looks as if I will politely have to tell the truth and say 'I am not going to make arrangements as I don't feel like socialising.' Surely, it is down to people to take the hint when you go vague but maybe there are those who walk amongst us who are so fixated on their own agendas that one has to eventually be brutally honest. Oddly enough, it is her driven agenda that gets a lot of work done for charity and those in need. Perhaps 'stonewalling' will be my next move if she does not accept the truth.

I lived with a compulsive liar. Most were ridiculous lies that cost him money (I’ve got this or that freebie, when he’d actually paid for it). Thank heavens we split up. Guess it was him propping up a fragile ego.

DeeJaysMum

I've recently learned that when someone says "I have absolutely no reason to lie to you, and I never will", take it with a massive handful of salt!
My partner has said this to me for years and I've got so sick of calling him out on his lies, he's finally been dumped, and I'll never believe anyone who tells me they have no reason to lie to me, because ican guarantee that they will!

Good for you, DeeJaysMum! Hope it all works out well for you. (I had one of those in a past life!) 💐

I've recently learned that when someone says "I have absolutely no reason to lie to you, and I never will", take it with a massive handful of salt!
My partner has said this to me for years and I've got so sick of calling him out on his lies, he's finally been dumped, and I'll never believe anyone who tells me they have no reason to lie to me, because ican guarantee that they will!

eddiecat78

I don't mean the Philip Schofield type of lie - I mean when people lie for no reason.
We were once invited for coffee by a very wealthy retired couple who had moved in next door. They said they loved the house and the village and intended to stay for a very long time. That afternoon we discovered that their house was already back on the market. I felt they had taken us for a couple of total idiots

I don't think they were doing it to cause an effect on you. I think they were doing it to make themselves feel better. So, not to make you feel like idiots but to make themselves feel like something they weren't: part of a community. As if they were living a little dream that they knew was about to be taken from them.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave/when first we practice to deceive" I would tie myself up in knots if I tried to lie and most liars get found out.
Many of us probably tell the occasional lie to avoid a social event for instance but I always feel guilty so I end up going.
It's blatant lies I really can't understand.

Pathological lying is a mental health condition. I have known one such person - and it created big problems in his life. I found this on the internet:A Definition of Pathological Lying

What is pathological lying? Based on our work, we were able to develop a formal definition. Pathological lying is a persistent, pervasive, and often compulsive pattern of excessive lying behavior that leads to clinically significant impairment of functioning in social, occupational, or other areas; causes marked distress; poses a risk to the self or others; and occurs for longer than six months.

I had a neighbour who lied and about so many things, I believed little that she said or did. You can't change people who have lived their life doing that. She also borrowed things and thought they then belonged to her. It was very difficult to get things back you thought you had only lent. It taught me to be very wary about trusting anyone after living beside her for 4 years.

Liars can cause a significant amount of disruption as I found with an ex partner, particularly when they make up stories about other people and are believed. Lies are awful although we have all probably told little white 'porkies'. I now have zero tolerance for liars and also lying by omission.

I never make a practice of lying.
My problem is on the other end of the spectrum - I say what’s on my mind! Even if you don’t like it! You can’t handle the TRUTH?

Well, I’ve tried to tone it down in my older age (and HAD to professionally, working in customer service) But I believe my real friends know who I am - more brutally comical than anything else. Telling lies gets you nowhere, except in over your head.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Maybe they felt embarassed to say that they wanted to move as you would only want to question the reasons why they wanted to move? Did they offer the statement that they wanted to stay or did you ask them if they were happy? people feel cornered and have all types of strange reactions. I once was told my a senior manager that I was not fitting into the organisation in a full meeting . As my colleague was having an affair with another manager, my initial reaction was to lash out as I felt cornered and did not want an affair.

Years ago I had a ‘friend’ who lied about things going in her life to make everything sound wonderful and better than everyone else. It became very wearing! Our friendship fizzled out because I couldn’t trust what she said. IMO trust is the basis of friendship and, when one person lies about random things, all trust is eroded.

there was a radio 4 prog recently about lies, we all do it ,the reasons varied ,the research suggests men tell the bigger lies ,oooer!

I recounted something that had happened to me once. A year or so later she told me the same story (same people involved and not something that happens often) as if it had happened to her! In her case I think it just makes her feel more interesting.

Sometimes people lie because their lives are mundane and boring .
We used to know someone who used to tell some real whoppers .
When her daughter had her hair cut -Buckingham Palace were on stand by because Princess Anne needed a wig .
I don't think that four inches of soft baby hair would have sufficed .

Then the medical dramas :

She had exactly what I had - a fracture which failed to heal .

In her case , amputation was the only option .
And to illustrate it , she would do things with one arm in anticipation of being one armed . This made every sympathesise with her .

After years of it and other stories about brain tumours - when her husband came over to do some DIY - I finally said , I'm really sorry about Margaret's health problems .
And he said , haven't you twigged yet - it's all in her head .

Of course , it was .

Unfortunately some people just can’t stop themselves because they like to be in the limelight. I’ve never been any good at it myself always go red in the face so I’ve never bothered lol. But it is one of my pet hates too I just don’t see the point because they always get caught out in the end

Perhaps their circumstances changed quite suddenly ie family illness - lost a great deal of money in failed investments - realised they'd made a bad. choice of house, perhaps they had a falling out between themselves...........there could be countless reasons but it. doesn't really make them liars surely?
Maybe you're being oversensitive and reading more into it than is actual fact.

Many years ago at university, I shared accommodation with someone who seemed to have led an extraordinary life..... academically, sexual conquests etc. I was wide-eyed at her exploits and so relieved at being at last in the big wide world following a childhood of narrow nonconformity in the north ( Part of the latter was always to be seen to be telling the truth)
I caught her in the act of telling me some obviously invented story, realised the situation suddenly ...and grabbng her by the arm shouted ' Why do always lie'

'Because my life is so very boring;' came the first honest reponse she had ever made to me

Another friend, whose circumstances had changed dramatically since childhood from riches to rags, had a brain that would not allow her to accept her latterly true position in society. Her children confirmed that what I said of her past, as divulged by her to me, was true

Only the friend had forgotten every situation in her own saga which both her family and I had observed as time passed...
The first friend certainly lied but the second?

People lie because they are afraid. Afraid of the consequences if they don't, afraid of being found out, etc. etc. We all do it, to a lesser or greater extent, and all because we are afraid.

If someone's life is pretty unbearable they sometime fantasise a different one. They almost believe it's true themselves.

"My friend has invited me to live in USA. I know some good shares to buy. A bank robber I know has given me loot to look after"
I've met people like that.

Another reason for lying is to avoid conflict and arguments; I have been guilty of this eg one of my DD’s gets very angry and unpleasant if we admit to helping one of her sisters, they have jealousy issues so I will often lie about help I am giving that daughter to prevent being raged at or her calling her sister up and shouting at her! I know is avoidant behaviour and not very healthy but I cant stand drama and rows and will try to avoid them at all costs