Flakey friend

When she does get in touch just say how busy you have been doing whatever. Ask how they are and pretend nothing has happened. We never know what other people are going through and sometimes I just can't be bothered with people myself so leave them till I am feeling a bit more sociable and can give of my real self not some contrived expectation.

Four weeks doesn't seem very long to me but of course I don't know how often you and she are usually in touch. You do say that you meet up regularly for days out.

We’re usually in touch sometimes just by text, every week, usually me that instigates it but she always reply’s. Having thought about it more I think it’s just down to different personalities.
I love company, I’m an only one and value my friends greatly. Where as she has a few siblings.

I think it is just different personalities with differing needs. Your friend has probably just got used to you getting in touch first. Maybe every week is too much for her.
I know that some of my friends want regular contact but a few are happy to be in touch less often.
Maybe leave contacting her for a bit longer. She may the text you first.

I occasionally stop instigating things just to see if it is me that is continuing a relationship whereas the other person is not so keen.

Some people are the type who get in touch a lot and some are not. A lot of times it’s because some people are very busy and preoccupied with their own stuff.
It also could be that the friendship is more important to you than them.
Friends come and go. Sone or for a reason, a season or a few maybe for a lifetime. I used to hang on to friends far too long when they did not seem to be too bothered. Now I don’t. I sometimes wait til they contact me! Sometimes they never do! 😂.

I don't think she is flakey, she just sounds as though she doesn't need the friendship as much as you do.. so I guess it'll be up to you to be proactive if you wish it to continue

There are lots of reasons she could be like this.. some people's brains are just "out of sight, out of mind" and they couldn't change it if they wanted to.

I think that you need to hold on to the fact that you always get a reply and you have spent some lovely times with them both.

It is understandable that this upsets you, especially as you had a hospital appointment and didn't get checked up on... That is painful

But:

If her lack of contact is not deliberate for whatever reason and you don't reach out, you will know your lack of contact is deliberate and it will only harm you in the end.

Unless this is a dealbreaker for you in terms of friendship... Be the one who reaches out first, that's a strength not a weakness.

Thank you Violet. It is the fact that she hasn’t been in contact re my hospital appointment that hurts the most, but like I said she is very forgetful.
She is very scatty but loveable. I’ll get in touch because I don’t want to loose either of them. Life is too short.

I would find someone outside the family who is in touch every week suffocating. If she has siblings she’s not so dependent on your company as you seem to be on hers. And not everyone has the desperate need for company that you seem to have. I’m an only child and I don’t have this need that you do so I suggest you consider why you are so dependent on others. I would also step back - if she wants to get in touch with you she will. Can you not satisfy your need for company with your husband, family and other friends? What does your husband say, is he desperate for this couple’s friendship?

Germanshepherdsmum Hi yes maybe I should explore why I need company so much. I’ve recently retired, and missing my work colleagues too.
I have two other good friends one another couple, but they still work, and in their late 60s very tired at the weekend so currently not seeing them much.
I think I’ve just lost my way a bit. My husband enjoys their company too but always waits for me to make arrangements.
You’d think I’d have enough on with young grandchildren and my very frail mum to care for. That’s probably why I need my friends though.

Let it go, normal social responses are just not there with some ‘friends’.

In the the circumstances you describe, beware of coming across as needy. Needing your friend to ask about your hospital appointment and being unhappy that she didn’t for instance isn’t quite the norm. I expect you discussed it fully with your husband and I hope it had a good outcome, but I think your expectations of your friend are way too high. She obviously has more going on in her life than you do, so you need to understand and respect that.

Yes I’m fine thanks and DH has been very supportive. I have another friend going through a bad time at the moment.we have been in contact continuously because that is what she has needed and wanted.
I would always enquire after a friend if they had had a hospital appointment. But I appreciate everyone is different.

I don’t think being in touch once a week is being needy !!! katyJ
I have one friend we ring each other a number of times a week and meet when we can, my second friend is not well at the moment (we usually meet once a month) but at the moment we text or ring a couple of times a month or whenever we have anything to talk about My third who I love dearly is dreadful at keeping in touch and rarely answers a text, however when we do meet we have a lovely time I had to learn to accept that she just isn’t good at answering texts although she can chat for England when we are together I now leave it to her to make arrangements

I suppose it depends what the hospital appointment was for. Perhaps your friend thought you would tell her if there was anything she needed to know – good news, bad news – after it. If she thought it was routine stuff why would she enquire?

Hi Baggs no it wasn’t routine I was on the two week pathway it was an ultrasound, she knew I’d been backwards and forwards to hospital for a couple of weeks. Wouldn’t think she’ll enquire now she’ll have forgotten all about it.

I know how you feel as I have a friend like this. I normally speak to her or see her once a week but it's now nearly 3 months since she rang. She is getting forgetful too but I was annoyed that when my son was so ill last year she never once asked how he was.
I now spend more time with 2 other friends who always get in touch even when they are busy.

Some friends want to be joined at the hip (which can be a bit much ) and others can be aloof .

I've been fed up with a friend , who doesn't enquire how I am when she knows that I'm sick .

I've stopped the flowers / chocolates and Get Well cards that I used to take over to her .

At the moment , she's procrastinating about going to the cinema .

I'm taking a deep breath and I've stopped being so available .

Yes it’s annoying. I try to be a good friend always remember birthdays, ask after family etc. I’m going to ring her in a couple of week, but I’m not going to mention meeting up I’ll let her take the lead.
It’s sad and disappointing but maybe we’re too different and we’ve grown apart.
I’ll be busy now anyway until after the school hols.

maybe she sees it as more of an acquaintance.
i wouldn't call that flakey.
flakey is someone who is keen to make arrangements and then doesn't show up, or is v late, or cancels at the last minute, frequently.
flakey is unreliable.